I would not bore you with the details of our relationship but I will say that my partner of 7.5 years ended it about 3 months ago. I am devastated and trying to take each day as it comes. Some days have been far better than others, but it was not a good breakup by any means. She had been emotionally checked out for nearly a month but I didn't see it as she got a new job that she couldn't stand. To make an incredibly long story short, we are not currently on speaking terms at all, but our last conversation went something like this…..
Me: Do you really hate me as much as you are acting like?
Her: I don't hate you and could never hate you - I will always care about you no matter what.
Me: Maybe with the next person, you should try listening to them.
Her: Maybe with the next person, you should try not berating them when you fight.
Me: Why did you stop listening to me?
Her: Because I stopped caring.
How does that part make any sense at all?? She will always care but stopped caring?
Anyway, we are now not speaking to one another at all per her request of needing "time to figure things out". I gave her time but with the holidays, I really wanted to see my step daughter. I called, texted, emailed and got nothing until the day after Christmas when I was informed that my step daughter no longer wanted to see me. This (again) was absolutely devastating to me since I had helped raise her since she was 5….she is now 13.
I wrote this (emotional) letter to her the other day just based on how I was feeling. There are many different opinions on whether I should actually send it but here it is:
"I am not sure what you are trying to prove by not talking got me at all but am forced to speculate about everything now. I just cannot believe that a person who "loved and cared" about me so much would ever do what you are currently doing.
You have no idea what this feels like despite what you might think…..you say you have been where I am but honestly I don't think you have. Have you ever been in love with a passive aggressive person? Have you ever been in love with someone that has had so many previous problems in relationships that you were scared to get too close but it happens anyway? Have you ever been in love with someone that stonewalls and blocks you out of their life and gives you the silent treatment?
You have no idea what kind of damage you are doing. My trust has been completely betrayed because I honestly believed that you "loved and cared" for me. Come to find out it wasn't genuine.
I wish I could just forget….pretend you don't exist…completely ignore you…..be cold and heartless….show no emotion at all when it comes to you.
I am not that person and refuse to become that person. It isn't and never will be who I am. I care too much. I will not change who I am because you cannot deal with things in a mature and dignified manner. I pray for you every single day because I know you are a better person than the person I described above.
Instead though…..I remember everything……you do exist…..am attentive…..am warm and passionate…am not afraid to be emotional.
This is in no way meant to attack you but meant to help you see the world inside my head right now."
Me: Do you really hate me as much as you are acting like?
Her: I don't hate you and could never hate you - I will always care about you no matter what.
Me: Maybe with the next person, you should try listening to them.
Her: Maybe with the next person, you should try not berating them when you fight.
Me: Why did you stop listening to me?
Her: Because I stopped caring.
How does that part make any sense at all?? She will always care but stopped caring?
Anyway, we are now not speaking to one another at all per her request of needing "time to figure things out". I gave her time but with the holidays, I really wanted to see my step daughter. I called, texted, emailed and got nothing until the day after Christmas when I was informed that my step daughter no longer wanted to see me. This (again) was absolutely devastating to me since I had helped raise her since she was 5….she is now 13.
I wrote this (emotional) letter to her the other day just based on how I was feeling. There are many different opinions on whether I should actually send it but here it is:
"I am not sure what you are trying to prove by not talking got me at all but am forced to speculate about everything now. I just cannot believe that a person who "loved and cared" about me so much would ever do what you are currently doing.
You have no idea what this feels like despite what you might think…..you say you have been where I am but honestly I don't think you have. Have you ever been in love with a passive aggressive person? Have you ever been in love with someone that has had so many previous problems in relationships that you were scared to get too close but it happens anyway? Have you ever been in love with someone that stonewalls and blocks you out of their life and gives you the silent treatment?
You have no idea what kind of damage you are doing. My trust has been completely betrayed because I honestly believed that you "loved and cared" for me. Come to find out it wasn't genuine.
I wish I could just forget….pretend you don't exist…completely ignore you…..be cold and heartless….show no emotion at all when it comes to you.
I am not that person and refuse to become that person. It isn't and never will be who I am. I care too much. I will not change who I am because you cannot deal with things in a mature and dignified manner. I pray for you every single day because I know you are a better person than the person I described above.
Instead though…..I remember everything……you do exist…..am attentive…..am warm and passionate…am not afraid to be emotional.
This is in no way meant to attack you but meant to help you see the world inside my head right now."
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment