Ok so I'm new here, finally got up the nerve to actually post. Background married 11 years, 2 children. Both work full time (I work from a home office). Both in our 40's now. Both have college degree.
I guess I am just wondering if my feelings of being micromanaged are justified or if it is just me being too sensitive.
This was lunch today (my husband rarely comes home for lunch)
He pointed out the office floor needs mopped (both kids home today no school and the youngest is only 3) I try to sweep the floor most days because of occasional clients coming in with snowy boots, it doesn't always get done. Usually I use paper towel or wipes but if it is really bad I use the steam mop on the dust setting - he said he does NOT want me to do that because it will damage the flooring and that I need to use a Swiffer with both wet and dry towels and went looking for said Swiffer - we don't own one so he said we need to buy one.
so a minute or two goes by and I am making some shells & cheese for the kids for lunch - he turned the water down and said it was too hot, then he said that I was opening the cheese the wrong way and that I need to use scissors, I explained that there is a tab to pull to open the cheese but he said "its unnecessary to deconstruct the package" and that I need to use scissors. (This is not my first time making mac & cheese).
Next why haven't I run the dishwasher yet and I was rinsing dishes wrong, I should be using hot water and not cold water (not my first time rinsing / washing dishes)
Toddler had his favorite socks on that have a small hole in the top - of course he noticed (these are super thick and fluffy with non-skid bottoms and our toddler loves them) you need to put new socks on the baby, do we need to buy more? NO!
Next - "what's with my eye-makeup? its weird" Told him I had seen a picture in a magazine and wanted to try something slightly different....said it looked 'scary' so I went and wiped it off - he said "I never told you to wipe it off.
Next "have you made sons Dr appointment yet?" I haven't and told him that I will do it later since they are closed for lunch - he said I needed to call anyway and leave a message for the Dr office to call back. I called in and got answering service who said to call back at 1:30. I hung up and told him and he said "OK I'll call you at 1:30 to make sure you made the appointment" to which I replied that was not necessary so he stood by and watched while a set an alarm for 1:30 and then asked if I was going to remember what the alarm was for at 1:30!!!!!
Then he left (phew!!)
WTF.....I am 40-something years old for crying it loud......by the way this is just lunch time today ......I am left feeling inadequate, worthless and after 11 years of this type of thing my self-esteem is at rock bottom.
I don't do laundry properly, I don't fold or put his stuff away properly, I use the wrong amount of soap, the wrong type of soap. I not only rinse dishes in the wrong temperature water but I wash on the wrong side of the sink - I don't write a grocery list properly (he said the list should be what we HAVE and not what we NEED - so that he doesn't buy things we already have) I put the vacuum cleaner in the wrong spot in the closet, he adjusts the settings/icons on my computer and rearranges my desk to make me more efficient, ITS MY DESK! It is comfortable for me, where I work and spend a lot of my day ......it goes on and on.
I keep reminding him that I am not one of his troops (he is former military). I have asked him to leave me to do things myself (I bought my own house and car as a single woman and managed just fine before him)
So now we have the sex issue - we are down to 2 /3 times per week (unless im on my monthly then its just a BJ or HJ for him) and he says I just don't seem like I am 'into' it anymore. I have told him that I get nothing from him - its like after all day of the 'rules' and then when we get into bed I'm supposed to be hot and ready!!!! No foreplay unless you consider "Ready for some d*ck?" His answer to this is for me to have a few drinks or watch some porn before bed each night - I told him that was ridiculous. He said he gives as good as he gets and that's it.....the only time I get a compliment is in bed. He forgot our 10 yr anniversary and my birthday this past year ........ugh Im rambling, I'm sorry - I'm not sure what my original question was now. Am I too sensitive? Do I want something that isn't realistic? I am at the point where once I have it resolved in my head that I can accept being alone the rest of my life (Im older so that is a very likely scenario where I live) I feel like I'm done. I feel sad and lonely
I guess I am just wondering if my feelings of being micromanaged are justified or if it is just me being too sensitive.
This was lunch today (my husband rarely comes home for lunch)
He pointed out the office floor needs mopped (both kids home today no school and the youngest is only 3) I try to sweep the floor most days because of occasional clients coming in with snowy boots, it doesn't always get done. Usually I use paper towel or wipes but if it is really bad I use the steam mop on the dust setting - he said he does NOT want me to do that because it will damage the flooring and that I need to use a Swiffer with both wet and dry towels and went looking for said Swiffer - we don't own one so he said we need to buy one.
so a minute or two goes by and I am making some shells & cheese for the kids for lunch - he turned the water down and said it was too hot, then he said that I was opening the cheese the wrong way and that I need to use scissors, I explained that there is a tab to pull to open the cheese but he said "its unnecessary to deconstruct the package" and that I need to use scissors. (This is not my first time making mac & cheese).
Next why haven't I run the dishwasher yet and I was rinsing dishes wrong, I should be using hot water and not cold water (not my first time rinsing / washing dishes)
Toddler had his favorite socks on that have a small hole in the top - of course he noticed (these are super thick and fluffy with non-skid bottoms and our toddler loves them) you need to put new socks on the baby, do we need to buy more? NO!
Next - "what's with my eye-makeup? its weird" Told him I had seen a picture in a magazine and wanted to try something slightly different....said it looked 'scary' so I went and wiped it off - he said "I never told you to wipe it off.
Next "have you made sons Dr appointment yet?" I haven't and told him that I will do it later since they are closed for lunch - he said I needed to call anyway and leave a message for the Dr office to call back. I called in and got answering service who said to call back at 1:30. I hung up and told him and he said "OK I'll call you at 1:30 to make sure you made the appointment" to which I replied that was not necessary so he stood by and watched while a set an alarm for 1:30 and then asked if I was going to remember what the alarm was for at 1:30!!!!!
Then he left (phew!!)
WTF.....I am 40-something years old for crying it loud......by the way this is just lunch time today ......I am left feeling inadequate, worthless and after 11 years of this type of thing my self-esteem is at rock bottom.
I don't do laundry properly, I don't fold or put his stuff away properly, I use the wrong amount of soap, the wrong type of soap. I not only rinse dishes in the wrong temperature water but I wash on the wrong side of the sink - I don't write a grocery list properly (he said the list should be what we HAVE and not what we NEED - so that he doesn't buy things we already have) I put the vacuum cleaner in the wrong spot in the closet, he adjusts the settings/icons on my computer and rearranges my desk to make me more efficient, ITS MY DESK! It is comfortable for me, where I work and spend a lot of my day ......it goes on and on.
I keep reminding him that I am not one of his troops (he is former military). I have asked him to leave me to do things myself (I bought my own house and car as a single woman and managed just fine before him)
So now we have the sex issue - we are down to 2 /3 times per week (unless im on my monthly then its just a BJ or HJ for him) and he says I just don't seem like I am 'into' it anymore. I have told him that I get nothing from him - its like after all day of the 'rules' and then when we get into bed I'm supposed to be hot and ready!!!! No foreplay unless you consider "Ready for some d*ck?" His answer to this is for me to have a few drinks or watch some porn before bed each night - I told him that was ridiculous. He said he gives as good as he gets and that's it.....the only time I get a compliment is in bed. He forgot our 10 yr anniversary and my birthday this past year ........ugh Im rambling, I'm sorry - I'm not sure what my original question was now. Am I too sensitive? Do I want something that isn't realistic? I am at the point where once I have it resolved in my head that I can accept being alone the rest of my life (Im older so that is a very likely scenario where I live) I feel like I'm done. I feel sad and lonely
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