Where to start? I think it's gonna be longish so bear with me please.
It all started towards the end of last year. I signed in into one of his email accounts he gave me the psw for and stumbled on replies to adverts on CL . He had attached pictures of his penis and of him masturbating to some sk@nk in these adverts.
He was at work on a night shift when I found this out. I confronted him on the phone and to make it short I forgave him. He said he was sorry obviously, didn't know why he was doing that (he said he gets bored) and at some point he wanted me to leave him.
Fast forward a few months, I see him a few times logging in into an account that doesn't look familiar to me (I could only see the inbox from afar, but he usually never reads emails as they're all mainly spam, and this account had all read emails).
Since I am pretty techy, I managed to find out the email account address and just changed the psw for it; that night too he was on a night shift. I was shocked to find more replies to adverts, chat logs (which included shemales and crossdressers!) and I found out he was on a website where people post their own porn pics where he found all these individuals he chatted to.
A few things, among the others, that I read left me utterly disgusted.
In an email he tells this shemale how he got horny reading her last email and he had to masturbate while I was downstairs making him breakfast at dawn (he had been back from his night shift)!.
In a chat log I read how he contacted this other sk@nk while I was in the bath cos he was feeling frisky, joking about the possibility of me catching him (the sk@nk pretended to be concerned about this).
Anyway, I confronted him once again and he was a complete je*k. He texted me a "sorry" after a while but I didn't reply to him. When he got home from work in the morning, he just went and slept on the sofa. The day after he went out as soon as he got up to go to work, so he could avoid me. I self-harmed. I was so so angry.
Well, in the end I forgave him. I know, silly silly me. I don't trust him, though and have been keeping tabs on his online activities.
So, he went back to do whatever he was doing before pretty soon minus the posting of pictures.
I posted an ad on CL posing as a shemale and he replied. I wanted to make him feel guilty (I know this sounds crazy, but I figured that confronting him directly at that point would have been useless). He ended up telling my alter ego that he loved me and it would crush him to lose me and that he would try and sort out his terrible ways. He didn't behave for long anyway.
I kept finding he was looking up shemales on the phone, downloading hentai and shemale porn on the PC and he went back to chatting and emailing shemales/crossdressers. Found a nice collection of shemale pics on his PS3 as well.
I know he specifically googles "big" (you can imagine what that is referred to). Yet he claims to these people he's not gay or bi.
He is a manly man, I have to say, the way he dresses etc for what it's worth. He's very much into anal, which I enjoy. We have a very good sex life, but I am overweight - he is too by the way. He says he loves my body and has no problems with my weight gain.
I know this all thing is fuc*ing me up too. I am reduced to snooping constantly and I can't bring myself to put a stop to this nonsense and confront him once and for all.
A couple of weeks ago I put a keylogger on his pc. I got the psw for a new account he had started using and found out he was chatting to a shemale.
I contacted her and asked her to stop talking to him. She agreed to do that and was pretty nice I have to say and so I told her about my situation and how this sometimes makes me feel suicidal even.
I left the chat log in the Yahoo account. I kinda hoped he would read it. He did, because when I logged back in the day after, this chat log had been deleted along with a few more chat logs.
He deleted the collection of pics on the PS3 too. I even started hoping he was really going to make an effort this time.
Today I found more shemale porn downloaded and he looked up a tumblr blog with pics and hentai yesterday. I don't know why I am still here honestly.
Is there hope? The shemale told me I am not the problem - he'd probably pick me over them any day. It doesn't make me feel better.
Sorry for the long post and I know half of my actions sound crazy but I love this man despite everything.
It all started towards the end of last year. I signed in into one of his email accounts he gave me the psw for and stumbled on replies to adverts on CL . He had attached pictures of his penis and of him masturbating to some sk@nk in these adverts.
He was at work on a night shift when I found this out. I confronted him on the phone and to make it short I forgave him. He said he was sorry obviously, didn't know why he was doing that (he said he gets bored) and at some point he wanted me to leave him.
Fast forward a few months, I see him a few times logging in into an account that doesn't look familiar to me (I could only see the inbox from afar, but he usually never reads emails as they're all mainly spam, and this account had all read emails).
Since I am pretty techy, I managed to find out the email account address and just changed the psw for it; that night too he was on a night shift. I was shocked to find more replies to adverts, chat logs (which included shemales and crossdressers!) and I found out he was on a website where people post their own porn pics where he found all these individuals he chatted to.
A few things, among the others, that I read left me utterly disgusted.
In an email he tells this shemale how he got horny reading her last email and he had to masturbate while I was downstairs making him breakfast at dawn (he had been back from his night shift)!.
In a chat log I read how he contacted this other sk@nk while I was in the bath cos he was feeling frisky, joking about the possibility of me catching him (the sk@nk pretended to be concerned about this).
Anyway, I confronted him once again and he was a complete je*k. He texted me a "sorry" after a while but I didn't reply to him. When he got home from work in the morning, he just went and slept on the sofa. The day after he went out as soon as he got up to go to work, so he could avoid me. I self-harmed. I was so so angry.
Well, in the end I forgave him. I know, silly silly me. I don't trust him, though and have been keeping tabs on his online activities.
So, he went back to do whatever he was doing before pretty soon minus the posting of pictures.
I posted an ad on CL posing as a shemale and he replied. I wanted to make him feel guilty (I know this sounds crazy, but I figured that confronting him directly at that point would have been useless). He ended up telling my alter ego that he loved me and it would crush him to lose me and that he would try and sort out his terrible ways. He didn't behave for long anyway.
I kept finding he was looking up shemales on the phone, downloading hentai and shemale porn on the PC and he went back to chatting and emailing shemales/crossdressers. Found a nice collection of shemale pics on his PS3 as well.
I know he specifically googles "big" (you can imagine what that is referred to). Yet he claims to these people he's not gay or bi.
He is a manly man, I have to say, the way he dresses etc for what it's worth. He's very much into anal, which I enjoy. We have a very good sex life, but I am overweight - he is too by the way. He says he loves my body and has no problems with my weight gain.
I know this all thing is fuc*ing me up too. I am reduced to snooping constantly and I can't bring myself to put a stop to this nonsense and confront him once and for all.
A couple of weeks ago I put a keylogger on his pc. I got the psw for a new account he had started using and found out he was chatting to a shemale.
I contacted her and asked her to stop talking to him. She agreed to do that and was pretty nice I have to say and so I told her about my situation and how this sometimes makes me feel suicidal even.
I left the chat log in the Yahoo account. I kinda hoped he would read it. He did, because when I logged back in the day after, this chat log had been deleted along with a few more chat logs.
He deleted the collection of pics on the PS3 too. I even started hoping he was really going to make an effort this time.
Today I found more shemale porn downloaded and he looked up a tumblr blog with pics and hentai yesterday. I don't know why I am still here honestly.
Is there hope? The shemale told me I am not the problem - he'd probably pick me over them any day. It doesn't make me feel better.
Sorry for the long post and I know half of my actions sound crazy but I love this man despite everything.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment