Sorry in advance for the long post...
I am new to TAM and let me say I am so glad I have found this. I am looking for some advice on my situation...
My husband and I have 3 children together and have been married for 8 years this April. We have been together for 13. We married young in our early 20's. In August of 2013 I had found out that my husband had been texting another woman he works with non stop while I was not around and he would delete those message so that I would not know. This went on from April-August until I asked him about it, Which is also when I noticed he had taken a personal day and didn't even so much mention it. When I confronted him about it he said that it was just his friend and they talked about work and things in general he said it was never anything more. I found out that they did go to lunch a few times when I confronted her about and that she also took a personal day when he did and they hung out for like 3 hours. He eventually told me that she had suspected that her husband was having an affair and he was just being a good person and being there for her to talk to. Now part of me can live wi th that but part of me can't. Why be so secretive?? I asked him to quit talking to her outside of work and he did. I explained the way it made me feel and he apologized and there has been no conversations since. We have been very open with each other the entire time we have been together. We don't keep passwords seperate or anything. We sat down and had a serious talk to dicuss how we feel about each other after all of this happened and that's when the bomb was dropped on me..."I LOVE YOU BUT I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU" "I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NOT LOVED YOU AS MUCH AS I SHOULD" I AM ATTRACTED TO YOU AND I THINK YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BUT THERE IS NO SPARK". I was shocked. Prior to me finding out about his "friend" there were no signs of any of this. We had date nights, family nights, kissed often, hugged daily, great sex life. I asked him what I could do to make things better and he said he didn't know that he was just so numb to everything and he doesn't think things will change and that I am waisitng my time trying. We have since has serveral conversations about why he feels unhappy and why he just wants out of the marriage and he says he doesn't know. He has never been one to get out of the house with friends and I told him maybe he should try doing things that makes him happy like hanging with friends going to the gym whatever it is. We talk now like this conversation was never even had. He always ask me how my day was and then we have the normal daily conversations. I am not sure what is going on with him. Could this be a mid-life crisis? I don't want to give up, I love him with everything and I want my marriage to succeed. Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.
I am new to TAM and let me say I am so glad I have found this. I am looking for some advice on my situation...
My husband and I have 3 children together and have been married for 8 years this April. We have been together for 13. We married young in our early 20's. In August of 2013 I had found out that my husband had been texting another woman he works with non stop while I was not around and he would delete those message so that I would not know. This went on from April-August until I asked him about it, Which is also when I noticed he had taken a personal day and didn't even so much mention it. When I confronted him about it he said that it was just his friend and they talked about work and things in general he said it was never anything more. I found out that they did go to lunch a few times when I confronted her about and that she also took a personal day when he did and they hung out for like 3 hours. He eventually told me that she had suspected that her husband was having an affair and he was just being a good person and being there for her to talk to. Now part of me can live wi th that but part of me can't. Why be so secretive?? I asked him to quit talking to her outside of work and he did. I explained the way it made me feel and he apologized and there has been no conversations since. We have been very open with each other the entire time we have been together. We don't keep passwords seperate or anything. We sat down and had a serious talk to dicuss how we feel about each other after all of this happened and that's when the bomb was dropped on me..."I LOVE YOU BUT I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU" "I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NOT LOVED YOU AS MUCH AS I SHOULD" I AM ATTRACTED TO YOU AND I THINK YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BUT THERE IS NO SPARK". I was shocked. Prior to me finding out about his "friend" there were no signs of any of this. We had date nights, family nights, kissed often, hugged daily, great sex life. I asked him what I could do to make things better and he said he didn't know that he was just so numb to everything and he doesn't think things will change and that I am waisitng my time trying. We have since has serveral conversations about why he feels unhappy and why he just wants out of the marriage and he says he doesn't know. He has never been one to get out of the house with friends and I told him maybe he should try doing things that makes him happy like hanging with friends going to the gym whatever it is. We talk now like this conversation was never even had. He always ask me how my day was and then we have the normal daily conversations. I am not sure what is going on with him. Could this be a mid-life crisis? I don't want to give up, I love him with everything and I want my marriage to succeed. Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.
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