Most of the time, I love having so many family members and loved ones around who are caring and supportive. But lately I feel they are more "in the way" than helpful.
Background: I am happily married with two young kids. My parents are divorced and my husbands parents are divorced. This alone causes a lot of tugging, being that there are 4 separate households of grandparents alone. On top of that, my hubby is 1 of 3 siblings and the other 2 have moved away from home for work. Did i mention we live within 8 miles of BOTH my in-laws as well as my parents? So the pressure is on my hubby and I when it comes to my in-laws. Especially because we have two kids, they want to see us ALL THE TIME. My FIL has never placed any sort of expectations on us to visit a certain amount of times a week or be around for every holiday or spend every vacation with him. He's more of a "i'll see you when i see you" type. OF course he'd be upset if he went a month without a visit, and that's happened, but it's never been an issue for him. My MIL is the opposite of that. She has a lot more expectation of us to do things with her. She needs constant contact and it gets exhausting. Generally I enjoy her company when we are all together, she's not necessarily a "monster in law". Just a needy mother. We often put everyone else who is important to us on the backburner because MIL wants to do this, take a vacation here, have christmas dinner, have random sleep overs, visit at least once a week, etc. ANd once a week visits with grandparents, especially when living so close may seem reasonable to most. I know a lot of people who manage that just fine. It's just so hard when my Hubby and i work FT, have 2 young kids, have friends we would like to do things with, do quality things with just the 4 of us, maybe just do nothing once in awhile. I understand, we are not responsible to make sure everyone is happy, and we cant change our life and plans around because we "feel bad" we are leaving someone out all the time. Usually, my parents get the "leftovers" of quality time, because MIL wants everything with us (birthday dinner, family vacation, holidays, whatever major event). But it makes me resentful of her because we see her all the time regularly. Week after week we are over her place, she's at ours, go shopping with her, have sleepovers, she takes the kids out to the movies, etc. And then, for something big like Summer vacation, she wants that time to be spent with her as well! And shes always under the impression she isnt getting enough time and keeps count of days in between when we see her and lets us know "i havent heard from you guys in so long, wanted to make sure everything is ok". And she'll say that when it's only been 4 days. Seriously. My parents and FIL NEVER ever complain about what they "get from us". We do what we can do. BUt, they also have jobs and family and friends and, well, a life outside of us so it doesnt bother them. BUt it bothers me!!! I want to do more special things with them and not have to feel so guilty about it because MIL with act like a 12 year old brat who doe snt get her way. I'm just wondering how other people handle unreasonable, overbearing in-laws (or their own parents). I know it's rough, and you just have to put your foot down sometimes, but i'm so sick of every holiday/birthday/vacation/anniversary/etc being ruined because of one person who is too selfish to realize we want to spend time with everyone. or no one at this point. Ahh!!
We are seriously contemplating transferring to a new city with my hubby's job to rid the anxiety of it all. I know living far has it's own set of hurdles, but I'd rather have QUALITY time when i see family instead of quantity.
Background: I am happily married with two young kids. My parents are divorced and my husbands parents are divorced. This alone causes a lot of tugging, being that there are 4 separate households of grandparents alone. On top of that, my hubby is 1 of 3 siblings and the other 2 have moved away from home for work. Did i mention we live within 8 miles of BOTH my in-laws as well as my parents? So the pressure is on my hubby and I when it comes to my in-laws. Especially because we have two kids, they want to see us ALL THE TIME. My FIL has never placed any sort of expectations on us to visit a certain amount of times a week or be around for every holiday or spend every vacation with him. He's more of a "i'll see you when i see you" type. OF course he'd be upset if he went a month without a visit, and that's happened, but it's never been an issue for him. My MIL is the opposite of that. She has a lot more expectation of us to do things with her. She needs constant contact and it gets exhausting. Generally I enjoy her company when we are all together, she's not necessarily a "monster in law". Just a needy mother. We often put everyone else who is important to us on the backburner because MIL wants to do this, take a vacation here, have christmas dinner, have random sleep overs, visit at least once a week, etc. ANd once a week visits with grandparents, especially when living so close may seem reasonable to most. I know a lot of people who manage that just fine. It's just so hard when my Hubby and i work FT, have 2 young kids, have friends we would like to do things with, do quality things with just the 4 of us, maybe just do nothing once in awhile. I understand, we are not responsible to make sure everyone is happy, and we cant change our life and plans around because we "feel bad" we are leaving someone out all the time. Usually, my parents get the "leftovers" of quality time, because MIL wants everything with us (birthday dinner, family vacation, holidays, whatever major event). But it makes me resentful of her because we see her all the time regularly. Week after week we are over her place, she's at ours, go shopping with her, have sleepovers, she takes the kids out to the movies, etc. And then, for something big like Summer vacation, she wants that time to be spent with her as well! And shes always under the impression she isnt getting enough time and keeps count of days in between when we see her and lets us know "i havent heard from you guys in so long, wanted to make sure everything is ok". And she'll say that when it's only been 4 days. Seriously. My parents and FIL NEVER ever complain about what they "get from us". We do what we can do. BUt, they also have jobs and family and friends and, well, a life outside of us so it doesnt bother them. BUt it bothers me!!! I want to do more special things with them and not have to feel so guilty about it because MIL with act like a 12 year old brat who doe snt get her way. I'm just wondering how other people handle unreasonable, overbearing in-laws (or their own parents). I know it's rough, and you just have to put your foot down sometimes, but i'm so sick of every holiday/birthday/vacation/anniversary/etc being ruined because of one person who is too selfish to realize we want to spend time with everyone. or no one at this point. Ahh!!
We are seriously contemplating transferring to a new city with my hubby's job to rid the anxiety of it all. I know living far has it's own set of hurdles, but I'd rather have QUALITY time when i see family instead of quantity.
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