Hi,
This is my first post, I've been reading for a long time.
We have 22yr marriage coming to an end, 3 sons still at home, my stbx is still living in the house in a different room. It is tough because we get along well enough, polite but distant, and yet he has no feeling. It is weird. I would have loved to see some passion many years, and some explanation for what is happening, but I doubt I will get any real closure. I won't beg anymore, it's too humiliating.
While not a saint, I have been a been a devoted wife of 22 yrs, have made every effort to support him, but found it did not go both ways. While I was open and resolved things, he has kept his cards close to his chest and sandbagged resentment toward me it would seem.
I don't think there is any other person, at least a PA, but I'm sure EAs galore. He has always got along better with women, a nice guy for sure, and now I've become the object of his hostility, albeit polite and civil.
We are culturally different, met when we were young, I was the first girl he ever kissed, and he had me on a pedestal. It was a recipe for disaster looking back. Looking back I had to compete with a romantic ideal and always fell short. I really need to get my life back. The last 10 yrs have been tough on my self esteem as he pulled away and withdrew.
What I have such a hard time with is having given so many years of my life, struggling, trying, making every effort to make a marriage work because I believed in it. I have followed him from his job changes, moved when I didn't want to for him, lived or endured rather his need to control his environment to the smallest detail (he is quite uptight about having things his way), and accepted his quirks and tried to focus at the best.
In return he has not accepted me, and has focused on my faults. Early in our M I would, I had a temper, it was usually when he corrected something about the home, or some habit, and I would react strongly..it always felt so insanely controlling. I am and came from a laid back family. We are neat, but not uptight.
What I'm hoping for is some strength in maintaining the 180, regaining my self esteem and rebuilding my life. I'm so hurt, feel so betrayed and yet I cycle through denial and bargaining. I have been open that I do not want this, that M is for life and worth working for and protecting. He doesn't feel the same. I've not felt loved for years.
Why hang on? I can't have him back truly unless he makes a commitment to us and is loving again. I have to be strong in this, but also need to be hopeful. But he is firm that it is over.
We both work, but he makes more than me. I stayed home for many years when the boys were young and did not build the earning power he did. He never had to take a sick day for the kids nor take them to a doctor/dentist apppointment: nothing. I did everything. I feel so angry about this, and used.
So much to process, so much sadness, and don't know where to begin. I hope someone will at least tell me maybe there is hope, whatever it is. I love sex and like men, but so scared to go out there again and afraid of being hurt. Have gone through crying, and it does feel cleansing. It's been kind of relieving in a way not trying to get someone's love who won't give it.
Started a DivorceCare group nearby, just need people to talk to who understand and have been or are going through the same. Sometimes I feel so sad about my future. I want to be positive and not feel that life is over. I want to live again.
This is my first post, I've been reading for a long time.
We have 22yr marriage coming to an end, 3 sons still at home, my stbx is still living in the house in a different room. It is tough because we get along well enough, polite but distant, and yet he has no feeling. It is weird. I would have loved to see some passion many years, and some explanation for what is happening, but I doubt I will get any real closure. I won't beg anymore, it's too humiliating.
While not a saint, I have been a been a devoted wife of 22 yrs, have made every effort to support him, but found it did not go both ways. While I was open and resolved things, he has kept his cards close to his chest and sandbagged resentment toward me it would seem.
I don't think there is any other person, at least a PA, but I'm sure EAs galore. He has always got along better with women, a nice guy for sure, and now I've become the object of his hostility, albeit polite and civil.
We are culturally different, met when we were young, I was the first girl he ever kissed, and he had me on a pedestal. It was a recipe for disaster looking back. Looking back I had to compete with a romantic ideal and always fell short. I really need to get my life back. The last 10 yrs have been tough on my self esteem as he pulled away and withdrew.
What I have such a hard time with is having given so many years of my life, struggling, trying, making every effort to make a marriage work because I believed in it. I have followed him from his job changes, moved when I didn't want to for him, lived or endured rather his need to control his environment to the smallest detail (he is quite uptight about having things his way), and accepted his quirks and tried to focus at the best.
In return he has not accepted me, and has focused on my faults. Early in our M I would, I had a temper, it was usually when he corrected something about the home, or some habit, and I would react strongly..it always felt so insanely controlling. I am and came from a laid back family. We are neat, but not uptight.
What I'm hoping for is some strength in maintaining the 180, regaining my self esteem and rebuilding my life. I'm so hurt, feel so betrayed and yet I cycle through denial and bargaining. I have been open that I do not want this, that M is for life and worth working for and protecting. He doesn't feel the same. I've not felt loved for years.
Why hang on? I can't have him back truly unless he makes a commitment to us and is loving again. I have to be strong in this, but also need to be hopeful. But he is firm that it is over.
We both work, but he makes more than me. I stayed home for many years when the boys were young and did not build the earning power he did. He never had to take a sick day for the kids nor take them to a doctor/dentist apppointment: nothing. I did everything. I feel so angry about this, and used.
So much to process, so much sadness, and don't know where to begin. I hope someone will at least tell me maybe there is hope, whatever it is. I love sex and like men, but so scared to go out there again and afraid of being hurt. Have gone through crying, and it does feel cleansing. It's been kind of relieving in a way not trying to get someone's love who won't give it.
Started a DivorceCare group nearby, just need people to talk to who understand and have been or are going through the same. Sometimes I feel so sad about my future. I want to be positive and not feel that life is over. I want to live again.
Put the internet to work for you.
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