I'm in my 20s, never had a boyfriend or any guy experience whatsoever so I'm pretty clueless and naive about this stuff!
So there's this guy from my work place. He's a nice guy, really friendly and quite popular at work... and he's taken a liking to me. He's been texting me everyday since I left the work place (I was only there temporarily) and he kept inviting me to drinks. At the time, I was confused by his intentions and it made me so nervous and I panicked, feeling so intimidated by him. But in the end I said yes to a work-place invite and somehow it turned into a date! (Or at least I think it was a date! It was just us two)… he was such a gentleman throughout and really funny. We talked endlessly, it was very easy to talk to him although we did have our awkward moments…
He kept flirting with me but I just tried to let it remain as neutral as possible and laughed it off.
So now he's texted me that he's wants to hang out again…
As much as I enjoyed it, I couldn't see us getting together because I knew he would be bad for me (in the sense that my parents would disapprove among other things regarding my values). I thought I should be straight up with him about it and said yes to hanging out, as long as we were just hanging out as friends. I did this because I thought perhaps if it were a date, there would be a romantic expectation and if it wasn't met then he would just be disappointed. I've never been on a date before, but I've heard from people that some there's the expectation doing something at least physical with them to show them you're interested… and I just didn't want that/I wasn't ready for that. I also didn't want to lead him on, despite me liking him aswell.
I told him if we can just be friends in text… and he texted back saying that although he did find me attractive, he didn't see us being anymore other than friends either because of our discrepancies (which is pretty apparent) and that made me think ' why did you even take me out in the first place if you already knew our differences in the beginning?' But I was somewhat relieved and crushed at the same time. I think he texted me back that he didn't see us anymore than friends in response to what I said… but I don't think that's the real reason. I knew I was going to regret confronting him about this instead of letting things just happen but I owed it to him not to lead him on and I believed that it's best to be honest from the beginning.
So… I think… now he's lost interest. He hasn't texted me back all weekend… it used to be everyday but now… nothing. He did say in his last text that we should schedule something next week but I think that was just for ettiquecy's sake.
And now I'm feeling really crushed. Because I've become so attached to him, learning about his life and his family, he told me so many personal things and updated me on his friends as though I was already part of his life. And now it's all gone, so quickly. And it's essentially my fault.
I don't expect him to carry on contacting me, I know I shouldn't. I have nothing to offer him, he was the one who made so much effort. I feel afraid to text him, incase I'm pestering him/making him feel obliged to hang out and I think he was only in it for the dating scene.
I feel so stupid in how I went about this and I'm worried I hurt him. Do you guys think I did the right thing? Should I have just left it as it is and not have said anything? I'm worried that perhaps I was too assuming about this... ugh, I don't know.
I feel like I lost what could have been a great friendship through this because we did connect so well. And now I don't know what to do to save the connection we had because I do find value in it. :(
Please help?
So there's this guy from my work place. He's a nice guy, really friendly and quite popular at work... and he's taken a liking to me. He's been texting me everyday since I left the work place (I was only there temporarily) and he kept inviting me to drinks. At the time, I was confused by his intentions and it made me so nervous and I panicked, feeling so intimidated by him. But in the end I said yes to a work-place invite and somehow it turned into a date! (Or at least I think it was a date! It was just us two)… he was such a gentleman throughout and really funny. We talked endlessly, it was very easy to talk to him although we did have our awkward moments…
He kept flirting with me but I just tried to let it remain as neutral as possible and laughed it off.
So now he's texted me that he's wants to hang out again…
As much as I enjoyed it, I couldn't see us getting together because I knew he would be bad for me (in the sense that my parents would disapprove among other things regarding my values). I thought I should be straight up with him about it and said yes to hanging out, as long as we were just hanging out as friends. I did this because I thought perhaps if it were a date, there would be a romantic expectation and if it wasn't met then he would just be disappointed. I've never been on a date before, but I've heard from people that some there's the expectation doing something at least physical with them to show them you're interested… and I just didn't want that/I wasn't ready for that. I also didn't want to lead him on, despite me liking him aswell.
I told him if we can just be friends in text… and he texted back saying that although he did find me attractive, he didn't see us being anymore other than friends either because of our discrepancies (which is pretty apparent) and that made me think ' why did you even take me out in the first place if you already knew our differences in the beginning?' But I was somewhat relieved and crushed at the same time. I think he texted me back that he didn't see us anymore than friends in response to what I said… but I don't think that's the real reason. I knew I was going to regret confronting him about this instead of letting things just happen but I owed it to him not to lead him on and I believed that it's best to be honest from the beginning.
So… I think… now he's lost interest. He hasn't texted me back all weekend… it used to be everyday but now… nothing. He did say in his last text that we should schedule something next week but I think that was just for ettiquecy's sake.
And now I'm feeling really crushed. Because I've become so attached to him, learning about his life and his family, he told me so many personal things and updated me on his friends as though I was already part of his life. And now it's all gone, so quickly. And it's essentially my fault.
I don't expect him to carry on contacting me, I know I shouldn't. I have nothing to offer him, he was the one who made so much effort. I feel afraid to text him, incase I'm pestering him/making him feel obliged to hang out and I think he was only in it for the dating scene.
I feel so stupid in how I went about this and I'm worried I hurt him. Do you guys think I did the right thing? Should I have just left it as it is and not have said anything? I'm worried that perhaps I was too assuming about this... ugh, I don't know.
I feel like I lost what could have been a great friendship through this because we did connect so well. And now I don't know what to do to save the connection we had because I do find value in it. :(
Please help?
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