So, I gave this a ton of thought over the past few days. In the initial period of my divorce, I started dating someone. Things were quite nice. We had fun together. She was a TON of fun--happy, witty, solid mom, emotionally stable. I would say our time together was very positive. Sure, there were codependent issues from her side that became evident. However, the sex was straight up crazy.
Conrad even said something about a week ago regarding "If you were having passionate sex with your wife, you would still be with her." So, I started to think about why walk away from a girl in which the sex is dynamic, the relationship was fairly healthy from a communication standpoint, and I know this chick would do anything for me.
The answer---healthy living. I am an avid crossfitter. It is a huge deal for me. I eat clean, and hold myself very accountable for what goes into my body and my exercise. So, to not share that with me is a HUGE void. It separates my attention. You find yourself choosing to hang out with someone or hitting the box to prepare for a competition. You choose not to have a beer while she is having wine because you have a killer WOD to do in the morning. The other problem is, you don't even want to try and talk to the other person about it. Why? Because I don't want to change them. Just be yourself.
Then, when you break it off, you are told "you are full of S***. lol.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that sex is not even a big deal. IF all of those other things are lined up- time spent together, priorities, values, communication, interest- the sex takes care of itself. (which I have experienced with my now gf, which by the way is by far the best sex of my life) It's funny, the "healthy living/workout" thing is also a big reason I would never consider trying to put my family back together. Well, that and my ex is borderline mentally ill.
It literally has become a "deal breaker" for me. Is it a vain thing to have such a hardline approach to this? The only reason I bring it up is the current gf is having things pull her away from working out/in the gym. (rightfully so) So it has me thinking......maybe I am more apathetic than I thought. lol
Conrad even said something about a week ago regarding "If you were having passionate sex with your wife, you would still be with her." So, I started to think about why walk away from a girl in which the sex is dynamic, the relationship was fairly healthy from a communication standpoint, and I know this chick would do anything for me.
The answer---healthy living. I am an avid crossfitter. It is a huge deal for me. I eat clean, and hold myself very accountable for what goes into my body and my exercise. So, to not share that with me is a HUGE void. It separates my attention. You find yourself choosing to hang out with someone or hitting the box to prepare for a competition. You choose not to have a beer while she is having wine because you have a killer WOD to do in the morning. The other problem is, you don't even want to try and talk to the other person about it. Why? Because I don't want to change them. Just be yourself.
Then, when you break it off, you are told "you are full of S***. lol.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that sex is not even a big deal. IF all of those other things are lined up- time spent together, priorities, values, communication, interest- the sex takes care of itself. (which I have experienced with my now gf, which by the way is by far the best sex of my life) It's funny, the "healthy living/workout" thing is also a big reason I would never consider trying to put my family back together. Well, that and my ex is borderline mentally ill.
It literally has become a "deal breaker" for me. Is it a vain thing to have such a hardline approach to this? The only reason I bring it up is the current gf is having things pull her away from working out/in the gym. (rightfully so) So it has me thinking......maybe I am more apathetic than I thought. lol
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