she treats me personally pretty badly sometimes; I feel like the last priority. She is loving, kind and big hearted. A great mother and connected with and caring of both our families. It is difficult to love her sometimes
I have posted similarly several times but just trying to figure out how to move fwd and use the TAM community as inspiration.
Background-- married 7.5 years, together 10, 2 kids--young both 5 and 2 yrs.
I think I spent several years waiting on her hand and foot. Spoiling her. The sex went away quickly but i always want to make her happy.
One note- -I am NOT clingy. I think I get a little desparate when no sex for awhile though. I do not like talking on the phone, texting, etc all day.
We just started MC and both like the therapist but not very far into it. She had an individual session last week and said it was very good and she asked the therapist if there were couples that 'lost the intimacy' and got it back-- so wife is aware of issues.
So last Thursday, wife is sick-- head cold. She gets home from class and goes right to bed. I get the kids dinner, baths, make her soup, get the kids to bed later. Check on her to make sure she doesnt need anything.
Friday-- we both go to bed early-- around 9 pm. I wake up at 6 am sat morn and trying to go back to sleep roll over and put my arm around her.
Later, 730 am or so, kids wake up, she still wants to sleep, i take them downstairs, close bed door so she can sleep. She gets up around 10 and when she comes down is in a good mood but tells me not to 'wake her up' when she is sleeping. She says when i touch her in the morning it wakes her up. We talk about the sex thing a little and how i would have liked it that morning. She talks a little about ** how she needs me to man up, be myself but a "stronger [my name]"*** I know this is important to do also.
Sat- I go to my dads and watch a football game about 11. She has friends in town and has plans to go out for her gf birthday and stay at her appt to avoid driving while drinking. I get home at 3 and she leaves at 330. Not a big deal, I am glad for her to go out and have fun (and she is ok with me doing the same, however we rarely do it just the two of us). She leaves about 330pm.
Sunday morn-- I am getting the cold that she and kids had last week. She did text me sat night when she got back to her friends. I let her know in the morn I am not feeling well; she comes home around 11 or so and says ok for me to go lay down. She lays on the couch downstairs with the kids. I try to sleep but my head is pounding so i go to store to get medicine (she is asleep on the couch, kids playing). I finally fall asleep in our be about 330p. She wakes me up at 4 saying she has to shower and run two quick errands. I feel pretty cr@ppy after just a short nap and getting sick, but i get up, she doesnt leave until 5 or so but is gone for nearly 2 more hours. While she is gone-- turns out just hanging out at her brother and sister in laws for most of the time- my sick *ss is making the kids dinner and getting them to bed. By that time I am really annoyed and call her.
So...she gets home and I get a little upset. Never anything physical. I guess more pouty though I make it clear she was very inconsiderate. (i took care of her when she was sick, she took off when i was sick; she woke me up for no reason when i was sick, she got mad at me for waking her up accidentally after she had slept for 10 hours, etc).
She made some small talk but i was not interested so she went up to bed and slept on the couch under the guise that i was sick plus wanted to watch football and she wanted her shows.
I am sorry for the multiple posts and the very long post. I am trying to figure out what I can do to be happy again. I feel like a doormat-- this has nothing to do with PA or EA, just a situation that I created over the years.
One of my problems is that when I get upset, I kind of withdraw. She says she is sorry, I kind of grunt or say ok, annoyed, eventually it goes away, but in the end I get treated badly again.
Not sure how to break that cycle.
My first goal is to come home and focus on the kids-- be happy and enjoy being with them.
I have posted similarly several times but just trying to figure out how to move fwd and use the TAM community as inspiration.
Background-- married 7.5 years, together 10, 2 kids--young both 5 and 2 yrs.
I think I spent several years waiting on her hand and foot. Spoiling her. The sex went away quickly but i always want to make her happy.
One note- -I am NOT clingy. I think I get a little desparate when no sex for awhile though. I do not like talking on the phone, texting, etc all day.
We just started MC and both like the therapist but not very far into it. She had an individual session last week and said it was very good and she asked the therapist if there were couples that 'lost the intimacy' and got it back-- so wife is aware of issues.
So last Thursday, wife is sick-- head cold. She gets home from class and goes right to bed. I get the kids dinner, baths, make her soup, get the kids to bed later. Check on her to make sure she doesnt need anything.
Friday-- we both go to bed early-- around 9 pm. I wake up at 6 am sat morn and trying to go back to sleep roll over and put my arm around her.
Later, 730 am or so, kids wake up, she still wants to sleep, i take them downstairs, close bed door so she can sleep. She gets up around 10 and when she comes down is in a good mood but tells me not to 'wake her up' when she is sleeping. She says when i touch her in the morning it wakes her up. We talk about the sex thing a little and how i would have liked it that morning. She talks a little about ** how she needs me to man up, be myself but a "stronger [my name]"*** I know this is important to do also.
Sat- I go to my dads and watch a football game about 11. She has friends in town and has plans to go out for her gf birthday and stay at her appt to avoid driving while drinking. I get home at 3 and she leaves at 330. Not a big deal, I am glad for her to go out and have fun (and she is ok with me doing the same, however we rarely do it just the two of us). She leaves about 330pm.
Sunday morn-- I am getting the cold that she and kids had last week. She did text me sat night when she got back to her friends. I let her know in the morn I am not feeling well; she comes home around 11 or so and says ok for me to go lay down. She lays on the couch downstairs with the kids. I try to sleep but my head is pounding so i go to store to get medicine (she is asleep on the couch, kids playing). I finally fall asleep in our be about 330p. She wakes me up at 4 saying she has to shower and run two quick errands. I feel pretty cr@ppy after just a short nap and getting sick, but i get up, she doesnt leave until 5 or so but is gone for nearly 2 more hours. While she is gone-- turns out just hanging out at her brother and sister in laws for most of the time- my sick *ss is making the kids dinner and getting them to bed. By that time I am really annoyed and call her.
So...she gets home and I get a little upset. Never anything physical. I guess more pouty though I make it clear she was very inconsiderate. (i took care of her when she was sick, she took off when i was sick; she woke me up for no reason when i was sick, she got mad at me for waking her up accidentally after she had slept for 10 hours, etc).
She made some small talk but i was not interested so she went up to bed and slept on the couch under the guise that i was sick plus wanted to watch football and she wanted her shows.
I am sorry for the multiple posts and the very long post. I am trying to figure out what I can do to be happy again. I feel like a doormat-- this has nothing to do with PA or EA, just a situation that I created over the years.
One of my problems is that when I get upset, I kind of withdraw. She says she is sorry, I kind of grunt or say ok, annoyed, eventually it goes away, but in the end I get treated badly again.
Not sure how to break that cycle.
My first goal is to come home and focus on the kids-- be happy and enjoy being with them.
Put the internet to work for you.
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