Hi Guys,
Just needed some opinions about my current situation. I have been married for 4 years now and Ive been with my wife for about 9 years. I would say the first couple of years were great with my wife, we got adjusted to each others personalities, got along very well and the sex life was great too. By year 3, she wanted to get married and I started to see flaws in her personality that in my opinion would not make her a good mother (i.e extremely messy, irresponsible, very forgetful). I told her about these flaws and she said she would be a totally different person when we are married and have a family.
Fast forward to now and 3 kids later, I realize that I really cannot tolerate her flaws and she did not change at all. Maybe I was naive to believe you can change someone, but I've made my sacrifices to make her happy (give up on my dreams, start a family at a young age, stopped going out with my friends,get married sooner than I wanted..etc). Yet everything I've told her to improve on throughout our relationship, she has never tried to improve on.
I would say I am a patient person because i've talked to her about these problems for years even before we got married. It has been 8 years since I mentioned these problems and I usually let it blow over when she acts up while she stays the same.
Now I have given divorce some thought but I can't bear to hurt my kids because they are young and love spending time with us.
She doesn't seem to want to change no matter how many times I've made big deals out of the problems. I am lost as to what to do. On one hand I feel like these flaws were always there with her and I shouldve known that if I couldn't accept them, I should have never got married let alone have kids. On the other hand she said she would change but never did. Anytime I discuss wanting to go to a marriage counselor to try to work on it she refuses.
There are probably alot more details about her flaws that I won't get into but any advice is appreciated.
Just needed some opinions about my current situation. I have been married for 4 years now and Ive been with my wife for about 9 years. I would say the first couple of years were great with my wife, we got adjusted to each others personalities, got along very well and the sex life was great too. By year 3, she wanted to get married and I started to see flaws in her personality that in my opinion would not make her a good mother (i.e extremely messy, irresponsible, very forgetful). I told her about these flaws and she said she would be a totally different person when we are married and have a family.
Fast forward to now and 3 kids later, I realize that I really cannot tolerate her flaws and she did not change at all. Maybe I was naive to believe you can change someone, but I've made my sacrifices to make her happy (give up on my dreams, start a family at a young age, stopped going out with my friends,get married sooner than I wanted..etc). Yet everything I've told her to improve on throughout our relationship, she has never tried to improve on.
I would say I am a patient person because i've talked to her about these problems for years even before we got married. It has been 8 years since I mentioned these problems and I usually let it blow over when she acts up while she stays the same.
Now I have given divorce some thought but I can't bear to hurt my kids because they are young and love spending time with us.
She doesn't seem to want to change no matter how many times I've made big deals out of the problems. I am lost as to what to do. On one hand I feel like these flaws were always there with her and I shouldve known that if I couldn't accept them, I should have never got married let alone have kids. On the other hand she said she would change but never did. Anytime I discuss wanting to go to a marriage counselor to try to work on it she refuses.
There are probably alot more details about her flaws that I won't get into but any advice is appreciated.
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