This is quite a long story and I hope you read it fully.
I started university in October. I met a girl who was on my course. We shared the same classes etc. We started talked and became friends. I thought she was great. I then asked her if she had a boyfriend. She said she did. I was disappointed because I really liked her. I then dropped the topic and didn't talk my feelings to her.
Anyway, a few months went by and we became more closer friends. We talk almost everyday. Then I felt my feelings beginning to develop again for her.
Anyway, i started writing statuses on Facebook mainly about unrequited love quotes and things like that. They were directed at her. I knew she would read them. Every time I wrote one, she would message me and ask who did I write it for? Every time she asked, I would just dodge the question and never give a straight answer.
Then she asked me if I love her. I said I don't know. I am 99% sure I was in love with her, but I didn't want to say it knowing she didn't feel the same.
Just a little bit of background info about her boyfriend. She lives in another country. They have been together for the last 405years. It's a long distance relationship you could say. She told her mum about him in September but her mum didn't like him and she told her to stop talking to him. She did stop talking to the guy, but then started talking again as she realised she really loves him. Obviously her family doesn't want she is talking to him now.
She has met the guy only once which was in September. The first time she met him, she was in her country, at a concert, and he came over and have her a piece of paper with his number on it. Anyway that's a bit of context for that.
Also her plan is to tell her family about him again in 2-3 years (when she finishes university). She believes she can convince them.
So, just yesterday, she told me a "secret". We were at uni doing some work and she said she wanted to tell me something.
What she told really surprised me.
She said when her family disapproved of her boyfriend, she wanted to try and find somebody else. So she told her boyfriend that she wants a 'break'. In his mind, he thought she was ending things with him and that's what he thought happened. But in her mind, she wanted to try with someone else, and see if she could find someone else.
And that's what she did, kind of. There was a guy in our class. She liked him, and she got close to him. They would go to the park together and talk, hug, kiss on the cheek.
Then he kissed her. After she kiss, she was sad. He asked her why? She said that she has a boyfriend. He was quite shocked because why is she with him if she has a boyfriend? She didn't tell him that she was on a 'break' with her boyfriend. He said he didn't want to continue because he has been in a similar situation etc. After basically their little relationship (I wouldn't even call it that as it didn't even last a day) ended. She then realised, it was all a mistake and that she loves her boyfriend. (Like what? lool)
I think the fact that she is in a long distance relationship, she just wanted to try with another guy because she is missing the physical side of the relationship? That's my guess anyway.
Anyway so that ended and she is talking to her lover boy boyfriend again.
When she told me this, i was feeling:
Shocked, surprised, and kind of sad inside.
I know this may sound stupid or pathetic but I said to her:
U gave the guy a chance and he is a fool to let you go, etc.
U never gave me a chance to show u my feelings for u, how much I care about u, etc. I feel hurt.
She replied saying it was just a mistake, she doesn't want to talk about the last, she didn't love him etc.
I then said it's about the guy, it's about me.
Then she said u know I have a boyfriend, I love him very much. Etc.
That I shouldn't be selfish.
She said I'm sorry.
Anyway, then I said to her I don't want to ruin our friendship.
And then she said:
I think we can't be friends. I should delete her from Facebook.
After numerous times of me apologising, she said that she is thinking of me, and that she doesn't want to see me sad
I said to her don't worry I won't be sad. I just want to be friends with u, I'm sorry etc.
Then she eventually she ok. She said don't talk about love etc. And that she loves her boyfriend very much.
Ok anyway things went back to normal after a few weeks.
I still have feelings for her, but I will never tell her about it again.
I don't want to ruin our friendship.
So I just wanted some of your views on this.
I know some of you will say I am silly for still being friends with her. I know people say you can't be friends with someone you have feelings for but I think I can manage. It will be hard, but I truly believe I can do it.
It will hurt, I will always love her no matter what but we are friends only.
We talk on fb and whatsapp mostly at least every other day.
And we are going back to uni next month. So what do I need to do? Do I have any chance with her? Or should I just give up, and how can I make things easier for me to deal with. I feel like **** a lot of the time when I think about her.
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