I've been married to my husband for 10 years. In recent years, he has become increasingly politically ideological, specifically over the Affordable Care Act. He's enraged over having to either purchase health insurance or pay a fine. He's been watching the news obsessively, hoping Congress will repeal the bill or that it will be deemed unconstitutional. Last night, he informed me that he is planning to either face jail time (I realize that failure to pay the fee results only in the IRS withholding a refund rather than prison, but I think he'll escalate and stop paying taxes) or change his citizenship and move to Mexico (one parent is a Mexican citizen). He told me he is not making immediate plans to do either action until after the 2016 election, but that if Obamacare is not repealed, he will start making preparations. I know him well enough to know that he's not bluffing – he has been researching all of these things extensively in his spare time and is likely to follow through.
I am not on board with this. I don't share his zealotry. We don't have kids, but we do have a house and assets. Yeah, I'm not thrilled about the state of health insurance in this country, but this is my home and I have no interest in emigrating. And I don't want to see everything we've built go to lawyers and lose my partner to prison. My family is telling me to lawyer up and get out now. His family sympathizes with me, but no one is willing to confront him and try to make him see reason. I told him I would not support either of those actions and he calmly informed me that we would get a divorce, though he "hoped it wouldn't come to that." He kept saying that "none of this was my choice".
I don't know what to do. Wait it out and see? Try to stage an intervention? Just cut my losses and get out? I'm devastated contemplating the loss of my husband. I'm also stunned, angry, and deeply hurt that he'd be willing to give up our marriage for the sake of his political views. I know he sees this as some great civil rights battle, but to me, it seems stupid and petty. He has a long history of getting sucked into long, drawn out legal battles over really weird, petty things (speeding tickets, late tax returns, HOA stuff) – he's taken entire days off of work to write long legal defenses – and no, he's not an attorney. Is this a mental illness issue?
I know no one has a ready-made answer for me, but some insight would be appreciated. I don't know anyone dealing with this situation and I feel so isolated.
I am not on board with this. I don't share his zealotry. We don't have kids, but we do have a house and assets. Yeah, I'm not thrilled about the state of health insurance in this country, but this is my home and I have no interest in emigrating. And I don't want to see everything we've built go to lawyers and lose my partner to prison. My family is telling me to lawyer up and get out now. His family sympathizes with me, but no one is willing to confront him and try to make him see reason. I told him I would not support either of those actions and he calmly informed me that we would get a divorce, though he "hoped it wouldn't come to that." He kept saying that "none of this was my choice".
I don't know what to do. Wait it out and see? Try to stage an intervention? Just cut my losses and get out? I'm devastated contemplating the loss of my husband. I'm also stunned, angry, and deeply hurt that he'd be willing to give up our marriage for the sake of his political views. I know he sees this as some great civil rights battle, but to me, it seems stupid and petty. He has a long history of getting sucked into long, drawn out legal battles over really weird, petty things (speeding tickets, late tax returns, HOA stuff) – he's taken entire days off of work to write long legal defenses – and no, he's not an attorney. Is this a mental illness issue?
I know no one has a ready-made answer for me, but some insight would be appreciated. I don't know anyone dealing with this situation and I feel so isolated.
Put the internet to work for you.
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