So, I have been with my husband for 6 years: Dating for 4 years, married for 2. Of our married time, he spent 10 months deployed with the National Guard beginning 4 months after we married. Things were rough for about 2 or 3 months after he got back, but then they started to settle down after we spoke about him and his expectations. I have been unsure since then about us being "good" as we like to call it, and since about the end of April/beginning of May I have started to have doubts about having made the right decision to get married to this particular individual. Recognizing this, I started seeing a therapist to determine if there is something wrong with me and my perceptions of the situation.
To sum it up, I feel disrespected to the point I want to leave, and when I have brought specific events up to my husband, he either gets offended or tells me, "I was only joking." I told him last week again how he made me feel, but more pointedly, that his actions (constant groping at inappropriate times, acting like a frotteur, saying blatantly sexual things at inappropriate times and telling me I'm making a scene when I tell him I don't like that in public) make me feel like a piece of meat. We spoke again a few days after that, and he admitted that he finally came to the following realizations on his own:
? That he was making me uncomfortable and caused me to feel disrespected.
? That, despite my signals (pushing him away, telling him to stop), he had no clue I didn't appreciate any of that stuff.
However, he is also having selective memory. For example, when he returned home from deployment, I told him he was different: He seemed more affectionate than before. He remembers that quite clearly. Oddly, he doesn't remember the very uncomfortable sexual encounter we had while vacationing for my birthday last month, in which he said to me afterwards, "I hope you wanted that, because if not I basically just raped you." (Yeah...I had told him after our first round that night that I was done, and when he got frisky again an hour later I kept trying to push him off gently and nicely let him know I wanted to be left alone, but I gave up because he wouldn't stop.) He knew what he did, I think, because as he pulled away from me after that he was cringing, and he didn't touch me sexually the next two days we were on vacation. When I tried to bring this up to him in our recent conversation, he said he didn't remember any of it, which seems unlikely. This just alarms me because it sh ows a selfish focus on sex that trumps concern for the well being of your partner.
We are attempting to deal with the situation head-on since our first discussion. However, there is just a lot of resistance to hearing things on his side, and a complete loss on my end at how differently to explain myself. The one thing I do keep picking up from our discussions is he doesn't understand the difference between what are appropriate and inappropriate behaviors and words. For example, I say it is not appropriate to grab my breast or try to poke between my legs while he is driving us somewhere. I also say it is not appropriate to say in a half-empty restaurant, "I'm gonna suck on them titties tonight." He says that me not liking that is rejection of his affection, or me being offended by his innuendo.
So, help me understand this, because my attitude right now...I'm done and want no further part of him. And this hurts--last night he says I am his best friend, but I admit I don't feel that way about him. At the moment, I feel like I already have begun the grieving process for the relationship in my mind, and I feel like the more I try to work this out with him, the more I am delaying the inevitable.
I would honestly be interested in other folks' questions, thoughts, and opinions on this. My apologies if this is difficult to read and understand--I typed this out on my mobile phone.
To sum it up, I feel disrespected to the point I want to leave, and when I have brought specific events up to my husband, he either gets offended or tells me, "I was only joking." I told him last week again how he made me feel, but more pointedly, that his actions (constant groping at inappropriate times, acting like a frotteur, saying blatantly sexual things at inappropriate times and telling me I'm making a scene when I tell him I don't like that in public) make me feel like a piece of meat. We spoke again a few days after that, and he admitted that he finally came to the following realizations on his own:
? That he was making me uncomfortable and caused me to feel disrespected.
? That, despite my signals (pushing him away, telling him to stop), he had no clue I didn't appreciate any of that stuff.
However, he is also having selective memory. For example, when he returned home from deployment, I told him he was different: He seemed more affectionate than before. He remembers that quite clearly. Oddly, he doesn't remember the very uncomfortable sexual encounter we had while vacationing for my birthday last month, in which he said to me afterwards, "I hope you wanted that, because if not I basically just raped you." (Yeah...I had told him after our first round that night that I was done, and when he got frisky again an hour later I kept trying to push him off gently and nicely let him know I wanted to be left alone, but I gave up because he wouldn't stop.) He knew what he did, I think, because as he pulled away from me after that he was cringing, and he didn't touch me sexually the next two days we were on vacation. When I tried to bring this up to him in our recent conversation, he said he didn't remember any of it, which seems unlikely. This just alarms me because it sh ows a selfish focus on sex that trumps concern for the well being of your partner.
We are attempting to deal with the situation head-on since our first discussion. However, there is just a lot of resistance to hearing things on his side, and a complete loss on my end at how differently to explain myself. The one thing I do keep picking up from our discussions is he doesn't understand the difference between what are appropriate and inappropriate behaviors and words. For example, I say it is not appropriate to grab my breast or try to poke between my legs while he is driving us somewhere. I also say it is not appropriate to say in a half-empty restaurant, "I'm gonna suck on them titties tonight." He says that me not liking that is rejection of his affection, or me being offended by his innuendo.
So, help me understand this, because my attitude right now...I'm done and want no further part of him. And this hurts--last night he says I am his best friend, but I admit I don't feel that way about him. At the moment, I feel like I already have begun the grieving process for the relationship in my mind, and I feel like the more I try to work this out with him, the more I am delaying the inevitable.
I would honestly be interested in other folks' questions, thoughts, and opinions on this. My apologies if this is difficult to read and understand--I typed this out on my mobile phone.
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