I am sorry this is so long but I really don't have anyone to talk to.
OK, so my husband and I met 5 years ago, it was supposed to just be a hookup but from day one we were never apart again. I love him very much but I feel like he thinks I am beneath him, that I am less. For the most part he is a very good man, he tries hard but he has some psychological issues that cause us a lot of tension. I never know how to act or what to be, one minute everything will be fine and then he starts being an ahole over a fight we had days before (this is after coming home and apologizing to me and being all nice) like he just turns on me. He says hurtful things and half the time I know he genuinely doesn't understand they are inappropriate or hurtful and the other half he does it just to be hurtful. He has admitted this.
Even though I know the difference, I can't help but get upset and lash out. He says things like "the sink isn't empty so you hurt my feelings and now I am depressed, you don't love me or want me to be happy." I know it's manipulative but I don't think he does or sees it that way, I know he doesn't. When he upsets me and I lose it (after the fiftieth time of keeping my cool) then I'm the one that hurt his feelings and I don't love him and I am just using him, etc, etc... Then I feel bad, which usually makes me madder at first then I feel like ****. He also is very controlling about money.
When we were first dating (we married 3 years ago) I was working and I paid for everything. He just had a part-time job and gave most of the money to his father for rent, even after he moved in with me. We would go to the store and he would get whatever he wanted and then when we got to the register he would just look at me and I would pay. I had no issue with this and I do not understand why he is the way he is about it. I mean, I understand he wants to save but I do not work, mostly because he doesn't want me to but also b/c I have some medical problems that would prevent any significant work. I admit I like to buy little trinkets and things, just little things to brighten my day but I mostly buy household items, necessities and bills. He has actually said "You just got something yesterday" when I asked for a night gown. You know what I got yesterday? Dog food. How is that for me? He fusses all the time that I spend to much when I am doing the bare minimum to get by. Anythi ng I really want I have to do odd jobs to make the money for, he also includes the medications I have to take as luxuries. I don't even take all I should b/c of it.
It makes me feel like a child or like I have to beg my own husband for shoes. If I don't ask and just buy it he talks about how much it hurts his feelings and I don't love him and am just using him and all that bs and we end up fighting. He wanted to open a separate account so he could save money and said that after the bills were paid I could do whatever I wanted with the rest. I was resistant to the idea at first but once I agreed he switched it on me and said I still would have to ask him before spending it. He does that a lot actually, takes one stand and as soon as I agree or it doesn't suit him he jumps to the other side. He says things like "I work hard all day to make money for you to have nice things" The tells me I can't spend any. He says it's OK that I don't wash the dishes sometimes (I have a lot of pain that makes it difficult on some days) then yells at me about it when he's in a bad mood.
He also pretty much guilt tripped me into buying a truck from my uncle that I did not want at all. I had a car that needed fixing and when I got some cash for something, he promised we would fix it but instead he bought the truck. Then I sold my car b/c he said I could get another one that worked but once we got the new car (which my father loaned us the money for and I didn't have to put his name on the title even though I did) the truck all of the sudden had a problem and had to be taken off the road. He works about 30 miles away at night so it makes sense to drive the car to work but he doesn't ever want me to drive it. He *****es and fusses and well... guess who is driving the car now? It was supposed to be my car until we actually got it, now it's his because he makes the money and pays for it.
And I hate when he says that! I know logically and technically it is his money and he did work for it but I literally do everything else in the home. The laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, taking care of our 12 animals and it is not easy. So it makes me feel like nothing I do is of value, that it is not appreciated. So why do I do it? He gets paid for working but it's like I'm just supposed to do everything he says when he says. I am so tired of it and no amount of screaming, pleading or crying has changed it.
I just feel like I have no control and no matter what I do it's wrong but he will tell a different story. In his eyes he just isn't good enough and I am never happy. I have tried to explain that I am happy until something happens to make me otherwise but in his mind I should be happy no matter what he does because he brought me dinner three years ago. I never go anywhere unless it's to buy necessities and I don't have any friends, not his fault I just don't. I feel like I am either going to down a bottle of pills or just lose it and kill everyone in the world (not really). I have tried to talk to him on numerous occasions but he just says there isn't a problem and that is how a marriage is supposed to be, the wife is obedient to her husband and never complains. I don't know what else to do. A lot of the time he is a good husband and does take care of me but it's starting to be more bad than good and I do not want my marriage to fail. Please help.
We also live in my father's house (he lives with his wife elsewhere) rent free and for the first two years didn't have to pay any bills at all. I also forgot to mention that for the first two years we were dating he had a serious problem with talking to other women online in a cheating way. Even using my computer and my phone I paid for to do it and I forgave him. He hasn't done it in years... to my knowledge anyway. Although sometimes I think it's only because he thinks I will catch him.
OK, so my husband and I met 5 years ago, it was supposed to just be a hookup but from day one we were never apart again. I love him very much but I feel like he thinks I am beneath him, that I am less. For the most part he is a very good man, he tries hard but he has some psychological issues that cause us a lot of tension. I never know how to act or what to be, one minute everything will be fine and then he starts being an ahole over a fight we had days before (this is after coming home and apologizing to me and being all nice) like he just turns on me. He says hurtful things and half the time I know he genuinely doesn't understand they are inappropriate or hurtful and the other half he does it just to be hurtful. He has admitted this.
Even though I know the difference, I can't help but get upset and lash out. He says things like "the sink isn't empty so you hurt my feelings and now I am depressed, you don't love me or want me to be happy." I know it's manipulative but I don't think he does or sees it that way, I know he doesn't. When he upsets me and I lose it (after the fiftieth time of keeping my cool) then I'm the one that hurt his feelings and I don't love him and I am just using him, etc, etc... Then I feel bad, which usually makes me madder at first then I feel like ****. He also is very controlling about money.
When we were first dating (we married 3 years ago) I was working and I paid for everything. He just had a part-time job and gave most of the money to his father for rent, even after he moved in with me. We would go to the store and he would get whatever he wanted and then when we got to the register he would just look at me and I would pay. I had no issue with this and I do not understand why he is the way he is about it. I mean, I understand he wants to save but I do not work, mostly because he doesn't want me to but also b/c I have some medical problems that would prevent any significant work. I admit I like to buy little trinkets and things, just little things to brighten my day but I mostly buy household items, necessities and bills. He has actually said "You just got something yesterday" when I asked for a night gown. You know what I got yesterday? Dog food. How is that for me? He fusses all the time that I spend to much when I am doing the bare minimum to get by. Anythi ng I really want I have to do odd jobs to make the money for, he also includes the medications I have to take as luxuries. I don't even take all I should b/c of it.
It makes me feel like a child or like I have to beg my own husband for shoes. If I don't ask and just buy it he talks about how much it hurts his feelings and I don't love him and am just using him and all that bs and we end up fighting. He wanted to open a separate account so he could save money and said that after the bills were paid I could do whatever I wanted with the rest. I was resistant to the idea at first but once I agreed he switched it on me and said I still would have to ask him before spending it. He does that a lot actually, takes one stand and as soon as I agree or it doesn't suit him he jumps to the other side. He says things like "I work hard all day to make money for you to have nice things" The tells me I can't spend any. He says it's OK that I don't wash the dishes sometimes (I have a lot of pain that makes it difficult on some days) then yells at me about it when he's in a bad mood.
He also pretty much guilt tripped me into buying a truck from my uncle that I did not want at all. I had a car that needed fixing and when I got some cash for something, he promised we would fix it but instead he bought the truck. Then I sold my car b/c he said I could get another one that worked but once we got the new car (which my father loaned us the money for and I didn't have to put his name on the title even though I did) the truck all of the sudden had a problem and had to be taken off the road. He works about 30 miles away at night so it makes sense to drive the car to work but he doesn't ever want me to drive it. He *****es and fusses and well... guess who is driving the car now? It was supposed to be my car until we actually got it, now it's his because he makes the money and pays for it.
And I hate when he says that! I know logically and technically it is his money and he did work for it but I literally do everything else in the home. The laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, taking care of our 12 animals and it is not easy. So it makes me feel like nothing I do is of value, that it is not appreciated. So why do I do it? He gets paid for working but it's like I'm just supposed to do everything he says when he says. I am so tired of it and no amount of screaming, pleading or crying has changed it.
I just feel like I have no control and no matter what I do it's wrong but he will tell a different story. In his eyes he just isn't good enough and I am never happy. I have tried to explain that I am happy until something happens to make me otherwise but in his mind I should be happy no matter what he does because he brought me dinner three years ago. I never go anywhere unless it's to buy necessities and I don't have any friends, not his fault I just don't. I feel like I am either going to down a bottle of pills or just lose it and kill everyone in the world (not really). I have tried to talk to him on numerous occasions but he just says there isn't a problem and that is how a marriage is supposed to be, the wife is obedient to her husband and never complains. I don't know what else to do. A lot of the time he is a good husband and does take care of me but it's starting to be more bad than good and I do not want my marriage to fail. Please help.
We also live in my father's house (he lives with his wife elsewhere) rent free and for the first two years didn't have to pay any bills at all. I also forgot to mention that for the first two years we were dating he had a serious problem with talking to other women online in a cheating way. Even using my computer and my phone I paid for to do it and I forgave him. He hasn't done it in years... to my knowledge anyway. Although sometimes I think it's only because he thinks I will catch him.
Put the internet to work for you.
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