Thanks to everyone who expressed concern about how things were going with my wife (on the forum, as well as privately). My original thread was:
http://ift.tt/1JDBdos
We kept the no-GNO policy for a while. She ended up focusing on gym activities during this time, like Groundpounder predicted. Although she attended fewer social events, she was taking an increased interest in her physical appearance. Her wardrobe kept getting updated, with higher-end and more flattering clothing.
W resented not being able to go out and have fun with her friends. She talked about it in counselling, how disrespectful it felt. That wasn't what she "pictured marriage would be like" as a little girl. Her resentment made W uncooperative about planning our own date nights. I continued to think of date ideas, take the initiative, make reservations, etc. She would find fault with my suggestions, or claim to be feeling unwell.
W was also unreceptive to my attempts at going to the gym together. She took special classes, like bikram yoga or pilates, that were harder for me to join. Her personality continued to sour at home, even around the kids. My son found her standing at the side of the driveway one night, smoking a cigarette and using her iPhone. He is used to W acting like a bubbly, concerned parent. She didn't appreciate being discovered, and acted very cold and impatient with him. He was dismayed.
This status quo continued for a couple of months. Then I had to travel for work. In counselling, W complained that I was able to go on "vacation", while she still couldn't see her friends. The therapist backed me up, however. He said my trip had no social connotation to it. The Friday I was gone, my son made overnight plans with his friend. My daughter decided to stay home studying.
There was tension between W and daughter at dinner. W announced she would be going out that night… "If your father can do it, so can I". W didn't want to discuss it any further. My daughter bit her lip and kept studying. After a couple hours showering and getting ready, W came downstairs at 10, talking to her ride on the phone. My daughter says she wore a fancy dress – not excessively short – with a lot of makeup and jewelry. She told my daughter, "You can call my cell if there is a problem". Then she left to meet her friend in the driveway.
Coming home at 3 AM, W woke my daughter while fumbling with the door and bumping into things. My daughter went to use the bathroom and found W there with the door ajar. W had removed her dress and was brushing her teeth, wearing a thong and an expensive-looking bra. She saw my daughter waiting at the door and said "Yes? Can I help you?" in a loud voice. She was slurring her words. My daughter went back to her room and waited.
When I returned, W was unrepentant about seeing her friends. She said it was a deal breaker for her now. In counseling, she said that if she couldn't see her friends a couple times a month, she was going to leave. For the sake of my family, I compromised… knowing I would have her VAR'd and followed the next time, anyway.
The next GNO went down the same as before. A girlfriend picked her up by car. They drove back to the friend's house. My buddy who tailed them waited for a taxi to arrive an hour later. The girlfriend came out dressed nearly the same as before. W's clothes were much different and more revealing.
The cab dropped them off at a nightclub. Once again, my friend doesn't think he can get inside. I tell him he doesn't need to wait around. W gets back to our house at 2:15. I pretend to be asleep while she showers and puts on pajamas. She's in her side of the bed by 2:30… still smelling a lot like alcohol, despite the shower.
[That's all I can manage right now. Will continue tomorrow...]
http://ift.tt/1JDBdos
We kept the no-GNO policy for a while. She ended up focusing on gym activities during this time, like Groundpounder predicted. Although she attended fewer social events, she was taking an increased interest in her physical appearance. Her wardrobe kept getting updated, with higher-end and more flattering clothing.
W resented not being able to go out and have fun with her friends. She talked about it in counselling, how disrespectful it felt. That wasn't what she "pictured marriage would be like" as a little girl. Her resentment made W uncooperative about planning our own date nights. I continued to think of date ideas, take the initiative, make reservations, etc. She would find fault with my suggestions, or claim to be feeling unwell.
W was also unreceptive to my attempts at going to the gym together. She took special classes, like bikram yoga or pilates, that were harder for me to join. Her personality continued to sour at home, even around the kids. My son found her standing at the side of the driveway one night, smoking a cigarette and using her iPhone. He is used to W acting like a bubbly, concerned parent. She didn't appreciate being discovered, and acted very cold and impatient with him. He was dismayed.
This status quo continued for a couple of months. Then I had to travel for work. In counselling, W complained that I was able to go on "vacation", while she still couldn't see her friends. The therapist backed me up, however. He said my trip had no social connotation to it. The Friday I was gone, my son made overnight plans with his friend. My daughter decided to stay home studying.
There was tension between W and daughter at dinner. W announced she would be going out that night… "If your father can do it, so can I". W didn't want to discuss it any further. My daughter bit her lip and kept studying. After a couple hours showering and getting ready, W came downstairs at 10, talking to her ride on the phone. My daughter says she wore a fancy dress – not excessively short – with a lot of makeup and jewelry. She told my daughter, "You can call my cell if there is a problem". Then she left to meet her friend in the driveway.
Coming home at 3 AM, W woke my daughter while fumbling with the door and bumping into things. My daughter went to use the bathroom and found W there with the door ajar. W had removed her dress and was brushing her teeth, wearing a thong and an expensive-looking bra. She saw my daughter waiting at the door and said "Yes? Can I help you?" in a loud voice. She was slurring her words. My daughter went back to her room and waited.
When I returned, W was unrepentant about seeing her friends. She said it was a deal breaker for her now. In counseling, she said that if she couldn't see her friends a couple times a month, she was going to leave. For the sake of my family, I compromised… knowing I would have her VAR'd and followed the next time, anyway.
The next GNO went down the same as before. A girlfriend picked her up by car. They drove back to the friend's house. My buddy who tailed them waited for a taxi to arrive an hour later. The girlfriend came out dressed nearly the same as before. W's clothes were much different and more revealing.
The cab dropped them off at a nightclub. Once again, my friend doesn't think he can get inside. I tell him he doesn't need to wait around. W gets back to our house at 2:15. I pretend to be asleep while she showers and puts on pajamas. She's in her side of the bed by 2:30… still smelling a lot like alcohol, despite the shower.
[That's all I can manage right now. Will continue tomorrow...]
Put the internet to work for you.
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