As soon as things seem to get better for us, with FWH doing all the right things and seeing hope return to his eyes, I find myself slipping down that rabbit hole of depression, regret, self pity, and fear to communicate to him that I still feel so much pain.
What is wrong with me that I can't just move on? I made the decision to remain with him, now why can I not stop questioning the past and allow the present and future to unfurl with hope?
How does a BS determine that their pain is either self -induced (self pity, playing the victim, revenge orientated, possibly even unconsciously trying to sabotage R) or a sign that the FWS has not done enough to heal the betrayed, that unresolved issues remain...and when is enough heavy lifting enough?
Or...is this simply the fact that the cold consequences of his past decisions will forever be the BSs reality?
I know I am responsible for my own happiness..why do I keep punishing myself like this?
Sorry..I guess I AM feeling sorry for myself..the reoccuring pain is simply part of the decision to stay. I made THAT bed...now I had better put on my big girl panties and lay in it, right?
What is wrong with me that I can't just move on? I made the decision to remain with him, now why can I not stop questioning the past and allow the present and future to unfurl with hope?
How does a BS determine that their pain is either self -induced (self pity, playing the victim, revenge orientated, possibly even unconsciously trying to sabotage R) or a sign that the FWS has not done enough to heal the betrayed, that unresolved issues remain...and when is enough heavy lifting enough?
Or...is this simply the fact that the cold consequences of his past decisions will forever be the BSs reality?
I know I am responsible for my own happiness..why do I keep punishing myself like this?
Sorry..I guess I AM feeling sorry for myself..the reoccuring pain is simply part of the decision to stay. I made THAT bed...now I had better put on my big girl panties and lay in it, right?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment