I have posted in here before, about libido issues with my husband being hardly ever in the mood and myself in the mood most of the time. It seems that this was just a symptom of greater issues between us. We have now been married for 3 years, together for a total of 6. For every one of those years, the same issues have come up for healing, but never gets healed. The lack of satisfying sex, the lack of satisfying emotional intimacy, the frustrating outcomes every time I try to talk it over with him. I realize that my husband is damaged goods, and that no amount of love, understanding and support will ever change him. I don't think it is fair to either of us to expect me to have a lower libido or to stop wanting more than he can give. Nor is it fair for me to expect him to suddenly transform into the man I want and need, I think the time is approaching when something has to be done.
We have been to counseling, we have read marriage advice books, we have talked, stormed out of rooms, come back crying, but every time it just turns into still another circular argument. I am wasting some of the best years of my life with a person who still doesn't have a clue about what it means to be a husband. He makes a great roommate, a good friend to watch movies or prepare meals with, but he lacks what it takes to make me feel that we are best friends as well as lovers. His response whenever I am feeling down about us, is to ask if he did something wrong. He is good at feeling guilt and is terrified of losing me, but does absolutely nothing to keep me. Even worse, he doesn't really know me. He accuses me of making "cracks" when I try to joke about a sensitive issue. He thinks the only emotions I am capable of expressing are anger or disgust. He doesn't get it about frustration, despair, or sorrow.
We both married late in life; I am in my fifties and he is sixty. He was never married before, but I was. One counselor told me that the odds of an older man who was never married before, changing in a positive way now was impossible. He is well set in his ways. He likes to get up in the morning and sign onto Facebook where he spends a great deal of time reading comments. We have fought about that, too because he has ex girlfriends on his friends list. But he refuses to remove them. He goes to work and when he gets home, guess what his priority is? Facebook or just general computer time. I have heard other women complain about their husbands sitting on their asses in front of the television. Well, mine sits on his ass in front of the computer playing games and surfing the net.
Sorry this is so long, but I will wrap it up with asking for feedback or input about this. I am retired and my sole income is my social security. He is intelligent enough to be in MENSA, but the only work he has done for the past ten years is pizza delivery. At first he was always talking about getting back into lab tech work which he used to do, but still here he is, doing the same thing. We can barely make ends meet. So on top of everything else, there are financial problems too. Sigh. If I were to think about leaving him, I would have to find someplace else to live because we share an apartment now, and I couldn't afford one on my income. There is so much to consider before making a decision. Has anyone else been through something similar, and how did you handle it? Thanks for reading!
We have been to counseling, we have read marriage advice books, we have talked, stormed out of rooms, come back crying, but every time it just turns into still another circular argument. I am wasting some of the best years of my life with a person who still doesn't have a clue about what it means to be a husband. He makes a great roommate, a good friend to watch movies or prepare meals with, but he lacks what it takes to make me feel that we are best friends as well as lovers. His response whenever I am feeling down about us, is to ask if he did something wrong. He is good at feeling guilt and is terrified of losing me, but does absolutely nothing to keep me. Even worse, he doesn't really know me. He accuses me of making "cracks" when I try to joke about a sensitive issue. He thinks the only emotions I am capable of expressing are anger or disgust. He doesn't get it about frustration, despair, or sorrow.
We both married late in life; I am in my fifties and he is sixty. He was never married before, but I was. One counselor told me that the odds of an older man who was never married before, changing in a positive way now was impossible. He is well set in his ways. He likes to get up in the morning and sign onto Facebook where he spends a great deal of time reading comments. We have fought about that, too because he has ex girlfriends on his friends list. But he refuses to remove them. He goes to work and when he gets home, guess what his priority is? Facebook or just general computer time. I have heard other women complain about their husbands sitting on their asses in front of the television. Well, mine sits on his ass in front of the computer playing games and surfing the net.
Sorry this is so long, but I will wrap it up with asking for feedback or input about this. I am retired and my sole income is my social security. He is intelligent enough to be in MENSA, but the only work he has done for the past ten years is pizza delivery. At first he was always talking about getting back into lab tech work which he used to do, but still here he is, doing the same thing. We can barely make ends meet. So on top of everything else, there are financial problems too. Sigh. If I were to think about leaving him, I would have to find someplace else to live because we share an apartment now, and I couldn't afford one on my income. There is so much to consider before making a decision. Has anyone else been through something similar, and how did you handle it? Thanks for reading!
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