My wife and I are the artsy, we'll try anything once kind of people. We both are bettering ourselves during the separation and after 2 months have suddenly been able to communicate better than....well....I think ever in our 6 year history (2 years dating and 4 married).
We both have an issue that was involved in the decision to deconstruct, evaluate, and rebuild our marriage.
Mine is that I have an OCD compulsion to collect, organize and destroy items I find of no value. Harmless, unless it is porn pictures. I assign no sexual value to them, my wife does, and that was the beginning of our separation.
With counseling and group I finally got it. I plan to continue counseling and group so I continue to get it.
My wife has depressed episodes that last about 3 months. I've been around for 3 of them and sparked 2 of them. The first was a miscarriage 5 years ago and the recent one was me being an insensitive ass and saving pictures.
Her problem is at the trough of her cycle. She finds a disposable person that she knows, though not super close or long term, and bonds to them for a few weeks, last time it got sexual (I forgave her because we were not together at the time, I in fact had moved on, that girl just didn't work out and my wife is pretty amazing so we drifted together again).
So here's the sitch.
I have to find solutions as soon as I recognize the problem, so I have been going full bore into my issues and learning to be a better husband since late July.
My wife takes a different route that is equally as successful but involves this cycle I talked about and it comes all at once instead of in small pieces like mine.
Her come to jesus with herself was this last sunday.
After 2 weeks of fights and tears we were suddenly on the same page.
I felt I lost who I was, she lost who she was, and we become strangers for a minute. I wanted to date my wife again. I wanted to earn her friendship and her time and eventually her love.
On sunday she suddenly felt the same way.
For her it was realizing that if she just ran away (she uses a lot of absolute thinking and giving up/ running away when she is hurt. It's her flight response), she would hurt me, make me upset and cause a bitter divorce.
She realized we do need to reconnect. In fact 2 days later she said she was actually excited to come home (she's on a pre-separation planned trip to the opther side of the country, a place we were moving in 6 months) and get to know each other again after a nearly month long break.
Here's what I feel happened. I worked my ass off after realizing I was truly and embaressingly wrong (there are a lot of factors, and I was dumb in most of them).
She noticed. She even got her own help for the first time ever.
She realizes anything can happen and maybe the new her and the new me can really work out. She comes out of her shell and all of a sudden I'm not afraid of divorce, I'm afraid of her moving too fast and missing the progress I still hope to make.
There are many factors here. I left a lot out. SO ask questions if you must.
I'm really just dumbfounded that I feel like I finally did something really lifechanging.
2 months ago she was in a different world. Now we are on the same road.
My only fear is that there is an ex out there. I know they went for drinks. But I also went for drinks with an ex and it was to apologize for how I behaved when we were closer.
We both have an issue that was involved in the decision to deconstruct, evaluate, and rebuild our marriage.
Mine is that I have an OCD compulsion to collect, organize and destroy items I find of no value. Harmless, unless it is porn pictures. I assign no sexual value to them, my wife does, and that was the beginning of our separation.
With counseling and group I finally got it. I plan to continue counseling and group so I continue to get it.
My wife has depressed episodes that last about 3 months. I've been around for 3 of them and sparked 2 of them. The first was a miscarriage 5 years ago and the recent one was me being an insensitive ass and saving pictures.
Her problem is at the trough of her cycle. She finds a disposable person that she knows, though not super close or long term, and bonds to them for a few weeks, last time it got sexual (I forgave her because we were not together at the time, I in fact had moved on, that girl just didn't work out and my wife is pretty amazing so we drifted together again).
So here's the sitch.
I have to find solutions as soon as I recognize the problem, so I have been going full bore into my issues and learning to be a better husband since late July.
My wife takes a different route that is equally as successful but involves this cycle I talked about and it comes all at once instead of in small pieces like mine.
Her come to jesus with herself was this last sunday.
After 2 weeks of fights and tears we were suddenly on the same page.
I felt I lost who I was, she lost who she was, and we become strangers for a minute. I wanted to date my wife again. I wanted to earn her friendship and her time and eventually her love.
On sunday she suddenly felt the same way.
For her it was realizing that if she just ran away (she uses a lot of absolute thinking and giving up/ running away when she is hurt. It's her flight response), she would hurt me, make me upset and cause a bitter divorce.
She realized we do need to reconnect. In fact 2 days later she said she was actually excited to come home (she's on a pre-separation planned trip to the opther side of the country, a place we were moving in 6 months) and get to know each other again after a nearly month long break.
Here's what I feel happened. I worked my ass off after realizing I was truly and embaressingly wrong (there are a lot of factors, and I was dumb in most of them).
She noticed. She even got her own help for the first time ever.
She realizes anything can happen and maybe the new her and the new me can really work out. She comes out of her shell and all of a sudden I'm not afraid of divorce, I'm afraid of her moving too fast and missing the progress I still hope to make.
There are many factors here. I left a lot out. SO ask questions if you must.
I'm really just dumbfounded that I feel like I finally did something really lifechanging.
2 months ago she was in a different world. Now we are on the same road.
My only fear is that there is an ex out there. I know they went for drinks. But I also went for drinks with an ex and it was to apologize for how I behaved when we were closer.
Put the internet to work for you.
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