Marriage does not have to be difficult

Marriage does not have to be difficult or hard. Couples choose to make it hard. If each partner in a marriage competes a total open-mind in giving each other what makes each partner happy...than u really wont have many problems...always be willing to be advertous and stuff with ur partner..stop each other as a contract committment...but as a willingness to look past the bs and just want to make each other happy.


I have been doing this to my wife from day one....but apparently being married....takes away the excitment according to my wife. I dont see how.

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how should I react to a request for separation?

new to the forum. Married for 10+ years, 2 young kids. Wife, all of a sudden told me she's insecure of our future together, wants "space". We were overseas for a month and she told me this right before we left- she didn't want to talk about it during our trip. But it was impossible. In spite of that, things have been much better than we both expected (no fighting, calm talking, I reacted "better" than she thought, but I know that talking about it has had the opposite effect of what I wanted!).

During all of our years together I've traveled extensively and been largely absent (she was always OK with it). I've made it clear that that, and other things will change (and already have) now that I understand what they mean to her (missed all early signals!). She's noticed the efforts and says she appreciates them: all the signs of a "walk away wife"-- things brewing for years, sudden surprise- and although she's acting fairly normal and has told me she wants us to try to see if things work, I'm sure she'll ask for a separation this week when we see a couple's therapist for the first time (told me yesterday she's still thinking about it and wants to see what the therapist says).

Since I've traveled so much in the past, I don't see how a separation would mean trying to work things out vs. trying out a divorce (she's already spent plenty of time without me many times- but now she'd have to get a job, etc).

Should I tell her how I really feel, that separating doesn't make sense to me because it won't give us a chance to see how changes will improve things and I therefore don't want her to do it? Should I go with it even though I very deeply feel that it would just mean the beginning of a transition to divorce? She say's she's not seeing anyone, but I have not asked her if a separation would be specifically to see other people.

She's going through a mid-life crisis, which has a lot do with triggering this. I think what she decides will depend a lot on what the therapist recommends. My intuition is that the therapist will tell her she has to decide, so I guess my real question is what to do to save our marriage. No big issues/fights between us, but obviously important enough. Maybe my best option is to tell her how I feel, but that if that's what she wants I respect the decision and I'll give her the time she needs alone? (easier said than done- the thing is, if she does go through with it, I think it will be the end, so my gut reaction would be, if we separate, really go my own way..). there is of course the possibility that there's someone else and the separation is to try that out (I don't think she's been unfaithful) and I also wonder how that would change the picture..

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Guilty niceness and presents?

My dumbass husband is having an EA and I have proof but am still working all the details out before I confront him. He has no idea I know . In the meantime I have been dropping subtle hints about infidelity in general and how wrong it is and how someone would have to be foolish to be unfaithful. This has been highly satisfying watching him act like he agrees.
He has since become Mr. Niceguy and bought me flowers and earing's and is helping around the house. WTF?!? Not sure what to make of this. Does he think he's calming any potential suspicions I may have and that he's continuing to play me or are there some guilty feelings in there somewhere?
Thoughts?

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pregnant during reconciliation- husband wants abortion

I have a thread in CWI, but I feel this post belongs here. My husband and I are attempting reconciliation after my affair and things have been going well-- or so I thought. So well, in fact, that he and I have been having unprotected sex for 3 months. Generally we try to use the charting method of birth control, but after one pregnancy scare we were still not careful about it. Well, now I'm pregnant, and I was under the impression that if something happened, we would be okay. Turns out, he decided overnight he just doesn't want the baby now, and wants me to get an abortion. I am absolutely against this, and now he is bullying me and insulting me to get me to change my mind. One of our biggest issues with this R is his alcoholism and bullying, as you might see in my other thread. Now he's calling me selfish, telling me it's "inhumane" to raise a child in this broken marriage (we already have a 3yr old...), saying it's hurting him just as much as it'l l hurt me. We have been discussing having another child for years and I was happy about the pregnancy, and saw it as a glimmer of hope. I've already imagined life with a 2nd child, and a sibling for our 1st to play and bond with. Now it looks like I should just move out and away from the situation. I told him I can't put myself and an unborn child through something as traumatizing as an abortion. Either way, it seems we'll end up resenting each other. What a mess. He knows this is his child-- there is no question there.
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Needle in a hay stack???? Check mate!!! She is a 10!

Guess no other place to stand on the rooftop tonight!! I think a few threads of mine back, I posted my list of requirements..... Some said keep dreaming. I guess I did, and it came true! I about fell over tonight to meet a woman that my friends knew, and I did not. I might not even sleep tonight. She is shockingly beautiful, and just hung on me all night long. Put it this way, when she walks in a room, I guarantee any man would check her out.

And we ran out to her house a few miles away and she did not want me to stay, well, sort of.... Lets say she is a good one and I respect her for it.

Catholic, hot at chit, legs for days, personality that set us off immediately, and she came right to me. I still don't know what to think but, thank you! This is one that will make it MUCH easier to let go of my ex!!!! No prob....lol

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Had enough of the wife

Im going to try to summerize everything thats going on in my life right now. Found out a few weeks ago that my wife was having a EA. Found good hard evidence ie phone records, email ect. Finally approched her and blew it up. Well she lied to me when she told me she had broken contact with this guy. I have placed VAR in our house just to be sure she wasnt contacting this guy. Found out tonight that she still is.

Now I am a very beta person, so I know that part of this is a problem that I caused. But when you have three kids, and I work 2 jobs trying to support them and her, my time at home is limited. I really wish I could be there all the time but I cant. She has no idea how good shes got it. She is a SAHM and two of our kids are in school all day. She does not want to go get a job because she says it would be a waste of money because all the money she would make would be going to daycare.

Apperently she is very much in love with this guy, who also happens to be married. Im thinking why even try to trust her anymore. She has told me she wants a divorce, but we both decided to try to work it out. Ya right. Im trying, shes not.

I hate snooping on her all the time and feel guilty about it but I have no choice. Please give me some feedback and thoughts on my situation and maybe the next steps i should take. Sorry if I am rambling on, just alot of feelings going on right now.

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Hubby mad at Dad

Hi all! I'm new here so here goes lol...

I've been married to my hubby for the past 14 years. My folks live in another state. Well, I went to go visit with them this past spring and my brakes went out when I got there! Luckily I was so close to my folks home that I made it there! Phew! My dad is the type who loves to help and fix things. He got a hold of his auto shop and made an appt to bring the car in for repairs. That was a Friday evening. We got the car in. The next day, Saturday, we both were surprised that the shop closes at noon on Saturdays, so they didn't get to look at the car yet. Sundays they are closed. Monday came by and they finally went to look at it after some calls from me and my dad. They did get it fixed on Monday. My dad and I went to go pick up the car, I went to give the shop guy my credit card and my dad proceeded to try to pay for it himself. My dad is the kind of guy that doesn't easily take no for an answer. He got his way and paid for it. I know he was trying to help.
Now, the problem is... My hubby who is sometimes a "hot head" but is a good guy, and never disrespectful, proceeded to complain to the BBB about the shop because he says that the time for the repairs was too long (the car was only in the shop over the weekend and fixed on Monday). This is the shop my dad uses all the time and they did fix the brakes.
My dad was contacted by the shop about the complaint to the BBB! They had my dad's phone number as a "local number" when we brought the car in. My dad is furious at my hubby and wants him to withdraw the complaint.
My hubby refuses to do so and wants me to stay out of it. I don't want to get in the middle of this, but this has put a strain on our relationship for sure!
I love my dad and I also love my husband. I can't fix this for them and it is killing me that they are upset with one another. Now when I go visit my folks it won't include hubby. No family reunions with hubby and dad present. No folks going to visit me with hubby around.

Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? It cuts me deeply that my hubby can't come around to at least working things out with my dad if he can't work out the complaint.

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Husband and sex

Hello everyone! My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have 2 kids (previous marriages). Things are great except that the sex has gotten boring. We used to have it 5-6 times a week. He was on "the pill" because of anxiety issues when I met him. He is 38 and I am 41. He has since gone off them and I think that is a great thing, knowing that he does not need the pill to "get it up" anymore. But the frequency has gone down to maybe 1-2 times a week. I know he is not cheating and have asked him about jacking off and porn. He assures me that is not it. I believe him. He has never lied to me. I asked him if it was me, if he is still attracted to me, he says of course. So I have NO idea what the deal is. He says he is stressed with work and things around the house. Does sex for a man decrease with age? He just does not seem as sexual anymore. Thanks!

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I want to care but I don't

It turns out, I've had a lot of cheating friends in my life.

Well, now the tables are turned and they (5) have been cheated on and recently found out.

They're in pain, desperation, not sleeping.......

I've not brought up their past too much) and have pointed them to this website among other advices but tonight, after a phone call from a friend who cheated in her twenties with all her boyfriends, I just don't care anymore.

I feel so immature but part of me thinks, "good, now you know exactly how it feels".

I don't care to help or listen and I know there are kids involved and Money and no one is young anymore but it still makes me feel good that they are getting the taste of the pain they once inflicted.

Does this make sense?

Are you that way too or can you put your feelings aside and be sympathetic ?

I'm especially happy about an old, old boyfriend who cheated on me and dumped me on New Years . Now he is feeling some betrayal pain.

This isn't usually like me to feel two wrongs make a right and I don't consider myself bitter. But I think I may be more bitter than I'd like to admit. I'm happy that my old friend is unhappy. :/

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HELP-Husband in EA-Going to Divorce

Husband and I have been together for 22 years. He began an EA in April and is going to file for divorce soon. He's living a fantasy with OW. OW is married with two small children. She is planning on divorcing her husband. Husband wants to live at home (with me) until the divorce is final. I think he should leave. I don't want a divorce. He is making a HUGE mistake. He is telling everyone that he isn't "in love with me" anymore. Should I make him move out? Is it too late to save my marriage?

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Need perspective

I am sorry for the long rant. I dont have a support system and I dont know where else to vent. Where am I in my marriage? My wife and I have been married for 7 years, together for 10. We have two kids, 4 and 2, and they are wonderful.

The last few years have been difficult for our marriage. Having two kids back-to-back was a marathon and unless it was taking care of the kids, we did not have time. We both put them ahead of everything. When we had free time, we took turns spending it on ourselves. The marriage took a back seat.

Fast forward to a year ago. Things with the kids were easing up. We had more free time but we did not spend it with each other. We tried to reconnect in fits and starts, but nothing materialized. I felt her slipping away.

At first it was sexual, she was just not interested. Was it me? Was I being too pedestrian? Did I let myself go too much? We both had, but I still desired her greatly. Then she started talking about feeling like she lost herself, like she was just a wife and a mother. She lost herself.

So I gave space. She started working out, making a social network. She found friends she liked going out with. She started dancing again. I didnt think twice when she would go out by herself. I never had a reason to distrust her. It progressed into happy hours, nights with the girls, and even a weekend at a friends house in a different city.

During all this I made a few attempts to reconnect. At a nice dinner out, she told me, "Nights like this I feel attracted to you again." She meant it as a nice thing, but really, I read between the lines. I guess this means you are not attracted to me all the other times?

The sex dried up. It was only when I initiated, and most of the time I was rejected. I could deal with it, even though it hurt, but the warmth and affection dried up as well. The simple things I really craved -- a kiss, a hug, laying next to me close in bed -- it all went away. Then when day in the kitchen she pulled a matrix move to avoid brushing up against me when she walked by in the kitchen.

Recently the "space" became a canyon. We took a long overdue family vacation, our first really, on a cruise. It was all her idea, she even booked it. The first day on the cruise she went down to book a massage. When she came back, she had booked so many different spa sessions that it meant all our alone time was gone. Our chance to reconnect was slipping again.

Things progressively got worse. We felt more like strangers. Her birthday was coming up, so I thought about planning her a special day. I talked to her about it at dinner, "I was going to surprise you, but since you might have to do this thing at work, why dont you choose? We could have a big BBQ with all your friends, an adult dinner with some other couples, or just a private dinner with me and you." That's when I knew something was wrong. She could not look at me in the eyes.

My gut told me to confront her. It was three in the morning, tossing and turning. I woke her up and asked her if something was going on. She denied it. I asked her to see her phone. She freaked. I told her if nothing is going on, then I am just an a**. Even though she was complaining, I found some things I did not like.

One was an exchange where she told a coworker she had just left and was in the parking lot. She had a bad day and needed a hug. She admitted he came to the parking lot but he was just a good friend who had been listening and helping her. Any older messages between them had been deleted.

In her trash email, I found an exchange that was way worse with another guy. He said he enjoyed talking to her, and would like her to come out for a drink sometime soon. He said, "I promise no transgressions, oh who am I kidding, I will probably try a thing or two." He made comments about how good she looked at work, and how he looked forward to seeing what she wearing every day. Then SHE proposed meeting him for a drink during the day after some function she needed to go by herself on a Saturday. They both agreed they would play it by ear. That weekend her sister came to visit, so she cancelled. She claims it was all a joke, she was never going to meet him. She was just flirting and playing along.

I could give her space to find herself, I could deal with the lack of warmth and intimacy, I could let go of the sex -- but this is too much.

Did she cheat? I dont know. She never struck me as that kind of person. She certainly put herself in a position to cheat. The day before I confronted her, she told me she really wanted to reconnect with me.

She swears nothing ever happened with anyone. She told me she loves me, is in love with me, and wants to get back to where we were.

Please, give me some perspective. I am in pain and I dont know what to do.

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Standard Evidence Post

VARs and Evidence Gathering

The usual disclaimer of reverse the sexes if necessary, we get mostly betrayed husbands here. Do your legal research etc.

Your wife is acting funny. Her phone and email suddenly have passwords you don't know. She shuts down phone apps or changes windows on the computer whenever you enter the room. She is suddenly staying out until 2 to 5 in the morning. She has new single friends. She has lost weight and is dressing hotter to boot. Her ex contacted her 3 weeks ago and she wants "to meet to catch up at some public place" "I love you but not in love with you." or version thereof. Any of this sound familiar? If your wife comes home from an alone time does she immediately change liners, change panties possibly even immediately laundering them?, shower? This can be an after the fact clean up.

If you are reading this your gut is going crazy. "Relax", in that there is a high liklihood that you are not crazy at least. "Your gut" is your basic instinct from the caveman period. There is something up with your mate. It is part of your mind built into you and in your DNA. You probably cant sleep. You are losing weight like crazy and are not hungry. Well if you are reading this and that is 90% of you reading this if its your first time... You are embarking on what is probably going to be the worst time of your life.

Chin up, yes I know it is damn near impossible to believe now, but I and the people at TAM here have taken dozens of men through this process. Some reconcile, most dont in the long run so be aware. Most of us hang around this grim grim place for a sense of "pay it forward" and "getting at the truth" Even in divorce, the long run the majority find love again... yes really. Often selecting a far far better future companion. Read poster BFF for a thread of disaster, divorce, recovery, and a new wonderful woman in his life. Younger and hotter, yes, but also one with better boundaries, often a far far better personality match. Oh and they get to go through that first time with her after the first I love you's have been exchanged. Just know, that for the majority, even if the marriage crashes, in six months, a year, maybe two you will wonder how you got so far so fast and how great your new life is. You will also be MUCH MUCH stronger as a person.

So. Here are your instructions. Do this now. I dont mean next week. I mean make something up within the next day and GET IT DONE! Not looking will only prolong your agony.
Rule 1 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding.
Rule 2 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding.
Rule 3 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding.

NO MORE CONFRONTS!! Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! Soft confronts with little evidence RARELY WORK AND ONLY MAKE GETTING AT THE TRUTH HARDER!!! THIS PROLONGS YOUR AGONY!

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 or ICDPX333 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY a cheap VAR. SONY SONY SONY. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. My icon here IS a Sony ICDPX312. No I do not have stock in nor work for Sony.

Setup instructions are on page 19. Also good stuff on page 31.
Use 44K bit rate for balancing file size vs quality DO NOT USE 8K!!!!! Simply put. The higher the quality the better the sound and 8K sucks. ALSO. The higher the quality the more you can manipulate the mp3 in Audacity.
Set VOR "on" see page 38
See page 40 for adding memory if necessary
Play with it yourself to get familiar. TEST IT OUT
Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus. You can even play prevent defense by going to a dollar store, buying uber-cheapie earbuds, cut off the buds but put in the jack which will actually disable the speaker for additional protection.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.
This is one item: Velcro Heavy-Duty Hook and Loop Fastener VEK90117: Office : Walmart.com
also
Purchase VELCRO Hook and Loop Fasteners, Sticky-Back, for less at Walmart.com. Save money. Live better.
The velcro is usually in the fabric section or less often in the aisle with the fasteners like screws. The velcro pack is mostly blue with a yellow top. Clear pack shows the vecro color which is black or white.

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off. attach one side HD velcro from Walmart to back. USE BIG PIECE
attach other side HD velcro again UP INSIDE car seat. ATTACH THE CRAP out of it. It needs to stay put going over big potholes or railroad tracks.

Put the second VAR in whatever room she uses to talk in when you are not around. If you are a typical man, use your size advantage to put it someplace she cant reach, even on a chair. Beware spring cleaning season if she does it.

I recommend exporting the sound files to your comp. The recorder is very cumbersome for playback.

Amazon has a pen VAR that can be placed in a purse or other small place to get remote conversations. Yes the pen works.

IMPORTANT warning. If you hear another man and perhaps a little kissing or activity... STOP Listening and have a trusted friend listen and tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while another man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise. If needed, I have done var work for four men here. RDMU is the only one who has released some of the confidentiality.

Lets be very clear about what the VAR is for and is not for. It will not be court admissible evidence. It is not for the confrontation. IT IS TO GET YOU AHEAD OF THE AFFAIR so you can gain other real evidence by knowing the who and when. NEVER MENTION YOUR VAR EVIDENCE. As far as the cheater is concerned, they were seen by a PI or something NOT your VAR!!

The ezoom GPS has been found to be easy to buy at Radio shack and useful. There is even a locator webpage you can track with. Amazon sells a semen detection kit called checkmate.

Look for a burner phone. This is a second phone from a prepay service just used for cheating communications. That is often why wives let the husband "see their phone" They don't use their main phone for cheating purposes.

There is an app out there called teensafe. Its for both Iphone and Android. It monitors texts, GPS and facebook. Needs no jailbreak. Not perfect and delayed but no jailbreak required.

Look for apps on her phone like words with friends. It has a non traceable texting feature.
Here is a list 25 Apps to Help You Cheat On Your Girlfriend | Complex

If he uses chrome or firefox, there is probably a list of saved passwords you can look at. Even if his email isn't saved there, people usually only use a couple of different passwords, so one from the list might work.

For firefox it's Tools -> Options -> Security -> Saved Passwords

For Chrome it's the little box with three bars in the top right -> Settings - Show advanced settings -> Managed saved passwords

If paternity is in doubt, (gredit graywolf2) SNP Microarray: Unlike amniocentesis, a non-invasive prenatal paternity test does not require a needle inserted into the mother's womb. The SNP microarray procedure uses new technology that involves preserving and analyzing the baby's DNA found naturally in the mother's bloodstream. The test is accurate, 99.9%, using a tiny quantity of DNA — as little as found in a single cell.

Credit john1068
Is her internet browsers set up to use Google as the default search engine? And does she use a gmail account ? If so, she can delete here browser history all she wants, that only deletes the history that is localbin the browser itself...

On ANY computer, navigate to http://ift.tt/AxxOVX. Log in using her gmail credentials and you'll have all history right there. Cant be deleted unless your wife logs in this same way...she'd only be deleting Chrome, IE, or Firefox history, not the Google history when deleting within the browser itself.

There does not appear to be a function within the Android OS that allows the recall of deleted info as is found on IOS. However, even on Android, When a text is deleted, the OS simply "loses" the address to where it is on the memory chip, but it's still there.

Go to your computer and navigate to Dr. Fone for Android @ Dr.Fone for Android - Android Phone & Tablet Data Recovery SoftwareAndroid Phone Data Recovery.

You can download a trial version if you're operating system is XP/Vista/Win 7/Win 8 all on either 32 or 64 bit.

Download the program to your computer, open it, connect the Android phone to the computer via the micro USB cable and follow the instructions on the Dr. Fone program. You can recover deleted SMS, MMS, photos (yes, this includes SnapChats), vids, and documents.

Not everything is recoverable because the operating system continues to overwrite the data so if you don't recover this data on a regular basis, you may miss some pieces...

But there are also many Android apps that store deleted files and texts, even some that allow you to download and HID the app (ex. ).

They are also in her Spotlight Search...don't even need to connect to a computer. All deleted texts are still held onto. Type in the contact TELEPHONE number and every text, even the deleted ones, will show up in the search.

IOS 7 from any home screen put your finger in the middle of the screen and swipe downward. Enter the telephone number and start reading the hits.

IOS 6 from the first home screen, swipe left, enter the telephone number and start reading the hits.

Credit rodphoto 01162014
After researching the web for countless hours about software to find deleted messages on my wife's iphone I figured out this super easy method.

From the home screen swipe left to right until the spotlight page appears. Its a screen with the key board at bottom and a box at the top that says "search iphone" type your typical search words, anything sexual etc... All past messeges containing the search word will appear on a list, deleted or not. You'll only get the first line but that is usually enough. Just busted my wife again doing this a few days ago!

Rugs: swipe left on your first page of the main menu.

"spotlight search" under settings -> general -> spotlight search has to show "messages" as ticked.

Right here, right now: Taking screenshots on iOS devices -> hold down home button and press sleep button. The screenshot will be placed under your photo album.

Also there is an app to "stitch" messages like a panoramic photo, but only for iPad. go to app store and search "stitch". Damn it's 4 am. i need to go to bed.

Note that this applies only to Spotlight Search in IOS 6 and lower. For IOS 7 running on Iphone 4 and 5, put your finger in the middle of any of the home screens and swipe downward.

Type in the search string you want (telephone number, contact name, keyword, etc) and it will search every instance in the iPhone where that appears.

You may FIRST want to go into the Settings>General>Spotlight Search and then check or uncheck the areas that you want to search - make certain that "messages" and "mail" are CHECKED or else your search will not look into these areas. The same info is on the spot light on the ipad too ! If the settings isnt checked off, you can find all the same history!

Credit tacoma 03072014

This Google search history page weightlifter mentioned here doesn't just record the search term it records everything spoken into Google Now by voice command. There is a text read out for everything spoken into the phone through Google Now and since Androids later versions have integrated Google Now right into the OS just about everything spoken into an Android phone is saved at http://ift.tt/AxxOVX

Commands to call me, entire voice texts, everything said into the phone is right here. I don't even know how it could be deleted if you wanted to. Considering almost everyone has an Android phone and voice command is becoming more popular this is a nice tool for a BS. It even has every Google Maps/Navigator GPS search saved.

Credit to the above and dozens who, before them contributed the hardest way possible.

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how to get over the anger

I can get over the anger of my partners lies.

He lied about porn when we met 3.5 years ago and he promised not to do it again.
My gut instinct told me something was up but I couldnt prove anything so I asked for his reassurance - he said that was along time ago and I have been truthful ever since and only if you could see inside his head.

But I realise I have pushed it underground. He recently confessed that he had been masterbating to porn mags in public loos regulary for 2 years and that he thinks of porn when we have sex.

I am so angry because in the past two years we have conceived two children with all of this going on. I am filled with anger and he appears to show no remorse at all. He says he doesnt know why he done it.

We have parted for now but I need to rid of the anger to move on

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Newly Marriage Issues with my Father

So this is my first post and it will probably be pretty long but I am newly married as of the 28th of June and had a huge blowup situation with my father at the end of may and just want some views and opinions on it. So I married a girl that I have been with for 8 yrs since we were juniors in high school. I love her dearly and we are both very happy with each other and in our marriage.

The problem that we have right now is with my father. We were engaged for about 3 years before we got married and our wedding reception was adults only and it had been said that it would be that way for a while. So basically I will start at the beginning my dad has always had a temper and basically acted like an idiot my entire life. I grew up with my mother telling me to never act like my father and I am nothing like the man personally I am like my mother who is very reserved, soft spoken, kind, caring. Just a great lady and that is who I have wanted to be like and everyone tells me what a good person she is and how sweet and nice she is and everyone tells me what an idiot my dad is so that tells you the general concensus on things. My parents are still married but I dont know how my mom has lived the life she has lived all these years she doesnt deserve how she is treated. My dad belittles my mother and gives her no credit for raising her 3 sons he takes credit for raising me and my middle brother and hates my youngest brother and wants nothing to do with him because he said that my mother babies him and he doesnt feel like he is even his son that he would put his 2 up against her 1 any day. First off I was definitely not like my father I learned to be the person that I am today from my mother and all my morals and just how to carry myself from her. There have been many times in my life where I could have cut my dad out and never spoke to him again but I lived under his roof and I never did that never yelled at him never got into any physical altercations I was always a good kid and so where my brothers none of us were in trouble in school or trouble in general. I have never drank or done drugs in my life I was always very straight and narrow and never gave him an ounce of trouble which is honestly way more than he deserves. He was always a tyrant when I was younger and I never wanted to be around him. I played baseball and he had never playe d a sport in his life but he was always very hard on me with that and made it something I really like to do not fun for me. He would make an idiot out of himself at the games and no one wanted to be around him. I can remember my mother and my grandmother leaving my games because of his actions.

I feel like he has ruined every milestone in my life for me. From High School to college to now my wedding. He forced me to go away to school and would not let me have my car at school or come home from school so when my now wife came and got me at school and brought me home my father would not speak to either of us and didnt speak to me for a while because of that. Then we got in a bad car wreck a few years later which was not my fault we were rear ended it was very bad and we could have been dead it was that bad. My dad was the first one of our parents on the scene and he comes and gets in my face screaming at me that I didnt hold the brake hard enough and this was my fault, he did not ask if either of us were ok just flipped out on me. I did not speak to him for 3 months after that but decided that we would try to mend things because he is my father. Now we come to the current incident. My uncle (dads brother) lives in NC and when I bought my house he wanted to come up an d help and my dad wanted to help so it was nice to have the help and think that my relationship with my father was good. Now my uncle has always been there to help more than my dad has but he lives so far away that we never had much of a personal relationship because we never saw each other that much but he was always there as much as he could be. When he wanted to come help I thought that was great. I did not ask him to help but he wanted to which I was fine with.

So we send out our invitations to the wedding and I though we did really well with getting everyone invited and not having to many problems. Boy was I wrong. At the end of may my uncle calls my dad and flips on him that it was adults only because he wanted to bring his 3 year old grand daughter to the wedding. We had set this up as no kids and my mother was even nice enough to say she can come to the wedding and I have hired a babysitter to watch the kids for anyone who wants to bring them. This was not good enough for my uncle and so my dad says he wants to talk to me about this and he wants to talk to me alone. I knew what he was going to do he wanted me alone so he could flip out and get his way like he always has, he wanted to be the dictator like he always has been. So I said I am not meeting with you I will talk over the phone he refused so I went over to his house with my now wife and her mother to talk about this situation. I brought my wife and her mother because he r parents were paying for the majority of the wedding and I felt like because of that and the fact that we have been together so long and our families have always done holidays together we could talk this whole thing out and get a resolution.

Well this is where everything went horribly wrong. We went over and started having the discussion I could tell my dad was aggitated from the start and on top of that he was drinking. So we start to talk and he gets irate and starts yelling at her mother and using language that I will not go into because it disgusts me how he was talking so my wife got up and got in the middle of them and that is when he decided to throw my now wife down to the ground. So I immediatly went after him and picked him up and slammed him to the ground. He then kicked us all out. This happened on a thursday we did not hear from him again till sunday and that was because I got ahold of my mom and said we need to do something. So he continued to be combative saying that if my wife was a man he would have punched her in the face and told her father that he should be ashamed of how he raised her because she should never get in his face. So his actions continued that day until he put my mom in the hospi tal because of stress. She had not eaten anything since that thursday and the stress of the situation and how he was being had beaten her down until she got sick and that was my concern with my mom is how this would effect her. So we go to the hospital and I take my dad outside and we go round and round for about a half hour we really go nowhere but he apologized and we said we can get past this if he would apologize to her mother. He refused saying she was not invited to the conversation and it was his house and he did not invite her but yet I dont feel that in this situation she needed to be invited because of it being a wedding that they are paying the majority of plus it was our decision to have no kids and it wasnt even my uncles kid it was his grand daughter.

So basically after the hospital my dad did nothing to try to mend things with anyone just figured he apologized to us now everyone get over it. Which he didnt apologize until my mom was in the hospital. So my wedding comes and he basically has a stupid look on his face in every picture and just looks disgusted everytime you see him in the photos or video. I have not spoken to him since and dont plan on it but this has really taken a toll on my wife and she does not ever want to speak to him and it just consumes her and it has really taken a mental and physical toll on her. I have just wiped my hands clean of him and am not going to let him ruin anymore of my life. I have my new family with me and her and she is my number one concern nothing else matters to me at this point I dont need him and his actions in my life it only causes greif I just want some opinions and maybe I can use this to help her get past this because she is so hurt and has so much anger and resentment that I dont know how to get her past this. Sorry for this being so long there is alot more that goes into this but I would be here all day typing it out.

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What kind of attire does your husband/bf like/not like?

Like most guys my man definitely is visual but we have talked before about certain attire he does and does not find attractive on a woman. Fortunately none of the things he doesn't like is anything I'd wear in the first place.

For example, a few things he has told me he does not care for:

Pantyhose.
Fishnet anything.
Daisy dukes
micro mini skirts (he's one of the few guys that actually is turned off buy the "ultra sexy skimpy" attire.)

In my career I usually wear formal business attire; suit, jacket, pencil skirts, some nice but appropriate tops and some different bottoms and he LOVES that. He says he loves the "classy and sophisticated" look as opposed to the real low cut tops and real short skirts and what have you. Not saying I am some fashion goddess by any means and for awhile outside of work thanks to my exhbs comments I would hardly dress up but after meeting my husband I have really tried to find some nicer things and he always compliments me and what I wear. Not that he complains if I DO dress more "down", but he is happy to compliment when I make an effort!

So I am curious, do any of your men have a certain attire they specifically like/don't like?

EDIT: Forgot to add that while he loves heels he does not like stilettos/stripper heels. Not that I'd wear those anyway lol.

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