So this is my first post and it will probably be pretty long but I am newly married as of the 28th of June and had a huge blowup situation with my father at the end of may and just want some views and opinions on it. So I married a girl that I have been with for 8 yrs since we were juniors in high school. I love her dearly and we are both very happy with each other and in our marriage.
The problem that we have right now is with my father. We were engaged for about 3 years before we got married and our wedding reception was adults only and it had been said that it would be that way for a while. So basically I will start at the beginning my dad has always had a temper and basically acted like an idiot my entire life. I grew up with my mother telling me to never act like my father and I am nothing like the man personally I am like my mother who is very reserved, soft spoken, kind, caring. Just a great lady and that is who I have wanted to be like and everyone tells me what a good person she is and how sweet and nice she is and everyone tells me what an idiot my dad is so that tells you the general concensus on things. My parents are still married but I dont know how my mom has lived the life she has lived all these years she doesnt deserve how she is treated. My dad belittles my mother and gives her no credit for raising her 3 sons he takes credit for raising me and my middle brother and hates my youngest brother and wants nothing to do with him because he said that my mother babies him and he doesnt feel like he is even his son that he would put his 2 up against her 1 any day. First off I was definitely not like my father I learned to be the person that I am today from my mother and all my morals and just how to carry myself from her. There have been many times in my life where I could have cut my dad out and never spoke to him again but I lived under his roof and I never did that never yelled at him never got into any physical altercations I was always a good kid and so where my brothers none of us were in trouble in school or trouble in general. I have never drank or done drugs in my life I was always very straight and narrow and never gave him an ounce of trouble which is honestly way more than he deserves. He was always a tyrant when I was younger and I never wanted to be around him. I played baseball and he had never playe d a sport in his life but he was always very hard on me with that and made it something I really like to do not fun for me. He would make an idiot out of himself at the games and no one wanted to be around him. I can remember my mother and my grandmother leaving my games because of his actions.
I feel like he has ruined every milestone in my life for me. From High School to college to now my wedding. He forced me to go away to school and would not let me have my car at school or come home from school so when my now wife came and got me at school and brought me home my father would not speak to either of us and didnt speak to me for a while because of that. Then we got in a bad car wreck a few years later which was not my fault we were rear ended it was very bad and we could have been dead it was that bad. My dad was the first one of our parents on the scene and he comes and gets in my face screaming at me that I didnt hold the brake hard enough and this was my fault, he did not ask if either of us were ok just flipped out on me. I did not speak to him for 3 months after that but decided that we would try to mend things because he is my father. Now we come to the current incident. My uncle (dads brother) lives in NC and when I bought my house he wanted to come up an d help and my dad wanted to help so it was nice to have the help and think that my relationship with my father was good. Now my uncle has always been there to help more than my dad has but he lives so far away that we never had much of a personal relationship because we never saw each other that much but he was always there as much as he could be. When he wanted to come help I thought that was great. I did not ask him to help but he wanted to which I was fine with.
So we send out our invitations to the wedding and I though we did really well with getting everyone invited and not having to many problems. Boy was I wrong. At the end of may my uncle calls my dad and flips on him that it was adults only because he wanted to bring his 3 year old grand daughter to the wedding. We had set this up as no kids and my mother was even nice enough to say she can come to the wedding and I have hired a babysitter to watch the kids for anyone who wants to bring them. This was not good enough for my uncle and so my dad says he wants to talk to me about this and he wants to talk to me alone. I knew what he was going to do he wanted me alone so he could flip out and get his way like he always has, he wanted to be the dictator like he always has been. So I said I am not meeting with you I will talk over the phone he refused so I went over to his house with my now wife and her mother to talk about this situation. I brought my wife and her mother because he r parents were paying for the majority of the wedding and I felt like because of that and the fact that we have been together so long and our families have always done holidays together we could talk this whole thing out and get a resolution.
Well this is where everything went horribly wrong. We went over and started having the discussion I could tell my dad was aggitated from the start and on top of that he was drinking. So we start to talk and he gets irate and starts yelling at her mother and using language that I will not go into because it disgusts me how he was talking so my wife got up and got in the middle of them and that is when he decided to throw my now wife down to the ground. So I immediatly went after him and picked him up and slammed him to the ground. He then kicked us all out. This happened on a thursday we did not hear from him again till sunday and that was because I got ahold of my mom and said we need to do something. So he continued to be combative saying that if my wife was a man he would have punched her in the face and told her father that he should be ashamed of how he raised her because she should never get in his face. So his actions continued that day until he put my mom in the hospi tal because of stress. She had not eaten anything since that thursday and the stress of the situation and how he was being had beaten her down until she got sick and that was my concern with my mom is how this would effect her. So we go to the hospital and I take my dad outside and we go round and round for about a half hour we really go nowhere but he apologized and we said we can get past this if he would apologize to her mother. He refused saying she was not invited to the conversation and it was his house and he did not invite her but yet I dont feel that in this situation she needed to be invited because of it being a wedding that they are paying the majority of plus it was our decision to have no kids and it wasnt even my uncles kid it was his grand daughter.
So basically after the hospital my dad did nothing to try to mend things with anyone just figured he apologized to us now everyone get over it. Which he didnt apologize until my mom was in the hospital. So my wedding comes and he basically has a stupid look on his face in every picture and just looks disgusted everytime you see him in the photos or video. I have not spoken to him since and dont plan on it but this has really taken a toll on my wife and she does not ever want to speak to him and it just consumes her and it has really taken a mental and physical toll on her. I have just wiped my hands clean of him and am not going to let him ruin anymore of my life. I have my new family with me and her and she is my number one concern nothing else matters to me at this point I dont need him and his actions in my life it only causes greif I just want some opinions and maybe I can use this to help her get past this because she is so hurt and has so much anger and resentment that I dont know how to get her past this. Sorry for this being so long there is alot more that goes into this but I would be here all day typing it out.
The problem that we have right now is with my father. We were engaged for about 3 years before we got married and our wedding reception was adults only and it had been said that it would be that way for a while. So basically I will start at the beginning my dad has always had a temper and basically acted like an idiot my entire life. I grew up with my mother telling me to never act like my father and I am nothing like the man personally I am like my mother who is very reserved, soft spoken, kind, caring. Just a great lady and that is who I have wanted to be like and everyone tells me what a good person she is and how sweet and nice she is and everyone tells me what an idiot my dad is so that tells you the general concensus on things. My parents are still married but I dont know how my mom has lived the life she has lived all these years she doesnt deserve how she is treated. My dad belittles my mother and gives her no credit for raising her 3 sons he takes credit for raising me and my middle brother and hates my youngest brother and wants nothing to do with him because he said that my mother babies him and he doesnt feel like he is even his son that he would put his 2 up against her 1 any day. First off I was definitely not like my father I learned to be the person that I am today from my mother and all my morals and just how to carry myself from her. There have been many times in my life where I could have cut my dad out and never spoke to him again but I lived under his roof and I never did that never yelled at him never got into any physical altercations I was always a good kid and so where my brothers none of us were in trouble in school or trouble in general. I have never drank or done drugs in my life I was always very straight and narrow and never gave him an ounce of trouble which is honestly way more than he deserves. He was always a tyrant when I was younger and I never wanted to be around him. I played baseball and he had never playe d a sport in his life but he was always very hard on me with that and made it something I really like to do not fun for me. He would make an idiot out of himself at the games and no one wanted to be around him. I can remember my mother and my grandmother leaving my games because of his actions.
I feel like he has ruined every milestone in my life for me. From High School to college to now my wedding. He forced me to go away to school and would not let me have my car at school or come home from school so when my now wife came and got me at school and brought me home my father would not speak to either of us and didnt speak to me for a while because of that. Then we got in a bad car wreck a few years later which was not my fault we were rear ended it was very bad and we could have been dead it was that bad. My dad was the first one of our parents on the scene and he comes and gets in my face screaming at me that I didnt hold the brake hard enough and this was my fault, he did not ask if either of us were ok just flipped out on me. I did not speak to him for 3 months after that but decided that we would try to mend things because he is my father. Now we come to the current incident. My uncle (dads brother) lives in NC and when I bought my house he wanted to come up an d help and my dad wanted to help so it was nice to have the help and think that my relationship with my father was good. Now my uncle has always been there to help more than my dad has but he lives so far away that we never had much of a personal relationship because we never saw each other that much but he was always there as much as he could be. When he wanted to come help I thought that was great. I did not ask him to help but he wanted to which I was fine with.
So we send out our invitations to the wedding and I though we did really well with getting everyone invited and not having to many problems. Boy was I wrong. At the end of may my uncle calls my dad and flips on him that it was adults only because he wanted to bring his 3 year old grand daughter to the wedding. We had set this up as no kids and my mother was even nice enough to say she can come to the wedding and I have hired a babysitter to watch the kids for anyone who wants to bring them. This was not good enough for my uncle and so my dad says he wants to talk to me about this and he wants to talk to me alone. I knew what he was going to do he wanted me alone so he could flip out and get his way like he always has, he wanted to be the dictator like he always has been. So I said I am not meeting with you I will talk over the phone he refused so I went over to his house with my now wife and her mother to talk about this situation. I brought my wife and her mother because he r parents were paying for the majority of the wedding and I felt like because of that and the fact that we have been together so long and our families have always done holidays together we could talk this whole thing out and get a resolution.
Well this is where everything went horribly wrong. We went over and started having the discussion I could tell my dad was aggitated from the start and on top of that he was drinking. So we start to talk and he gets irate and starts yelling at her mother and using language that I will not go into because it disgusts me how he was talking so my wife got up and got in the middle of them and that is when he decided to throw my now wife down to the ground. So I immediatly went after him and picked him up and slammed him to the ground. He then kicked us all out. This happened on a thursday we did not hear from him again till sunday and that was because I got ahold of my mom and said we need to do something. So he continued to be combative saying that if my wife was a man he would have punched her in the face and told her father that he should be ashamed of how he raised her because she should never get in his face. So his actions continued that day until he put my mom in the hospi tal because of stress. She had not eaten anything since that thursday and the stress of the situation and how he was being had beaten her down until she got sick and that was my concern with my mom is how this would effect her. So we go to the hospital and I take my dad outside and we go round and round for about a half hour we really go nowhere but he apologized and we said we can get past this if he would apologize to her mother. He refused saying she was not invited to the conversation and it was his house and he did not invite her but yet I dont feel that in this situation she needed to be invited because of it being a wedding that they are paying the majority of plus it was our decision to have no kids and it wasnt even my uncles kid it was his grand daughter.
So basically after the hospital my dad did nothing to try to mend things with anyone just figured he apologized to us now everyone get over it. Which he didnt apologize until my mom was in the hospital. So my wedding comes and he basically has a stupid look on his face in every picture and just looks disgusted everytime you see him in the photos or video. I have not spoken to him since and dont plan on it but this has really taken a toll on my wife and she does not ever want to speak to him and it just consumes her and it has really taken a mental and physical toll on her. I have just wiped my hands clean of him and am not going to let him ruin anymore of my life. I have my new family with me and her and she is my number one concern nothing else matters to me at this point I dont need him and his actions in my life it only causes greif I just want some opinions and maybe I can use this to help her get past this because she is so hurt and has so much anger and resentment that I dont know how to get her past this. Sorry for this being so long there is alot more that goes into this but I would be here all day typing it out.
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