new to the forum. Married for 10+ years, 2 young kids. Wife, all of a sudden told me she's insecure of our future together, wants "space". We were overseas for a month and she told me this right before we left- she didn't want to talk about it during our trip. But it was impossible. In spite of that, things have been much better than we both expected (no fighting, calm talking, I reacted "better" than she thought, but I know that talking about it has had the opposite effect of what I wanted!).
During all of our years together I've traveled extensively and been largely absent (she was always OK with it). I've made it clear that that, and other things will change (and already have) now that I understand what they mean to her (missed all early signals!). She's noticed the efforts and says she appreciates them: all the signs of a "walk away wife"-- things brewing for years, sudden surprise- and although she's acting fairly normal and has told me she wants us to try to see if things work, I'm sure she'll ask for a separation this week when we see a couple's therapist for the first time (told me yesterday she's still thinking about it and wants to see what the therapist says).
Since I've traveled so much in the past, I don't see how a separation would mean trying to work things out vs. trying out a divorce (she's already spent plenty of time without me many times- but now she'd have to get a job, etc).
Should I tell her how I really feel, that separating doesn't make sense to me because it won't give us a chance to see how changes will improve things and I therefore don't want her to do it? Should I go with it even though I very deeply feel that it would just mean the beginning of a transition to divorce? She say's she's not seeing anyone, but I have not asked her if a separation would be specifically to see other people.
She's going through a mid-life crisis, which has a lot do with triggering this. I think what she decides will depend a lot on what the therapist recommends. My intuition is that the therapist will tell her she has to decide, so I guess my real question is what to do to save our marriage. No big issues/fights between us, but obviously important enough. Maybe my best option is to tell her how I feel, but that if that's what she wants I respect the decision and I'll give her the time she needs alone? (easier said than done- the thing is, if she does go through with it, I think it will be the end, so my gut reaction would be, if we separate, really go my own way..). there is of course the possibility that there's someone else and the separation is to try that out (I don't think she's been unfaithful) and I also wonder how that would change the picture..
During all of our years together I've traveled extensively and been largely absent (she was always OK with it). I've made it clear that that, and other things will change (and already have) now that I understand what they mean to her (missed all early signals!). She's noticed the efforts and says she appreciates them: all the signs of a "walk away wife"-- things brewing for years, sudden surprise- and although she's acting fairly normal and has told me she wants us to try to see if things work, I'm sure she'll ask for a separation this week when we see a couple's therapist for the first time (told me yesterday she's still thinking about it and wants to see what the therapist says).
Since I've traveled so much in the past, I don't see how a separation would mean trying to work things out vs. trying out a divorce (she's already spent plenty of time without me many times- but now she'd have to get a job, etc).
Should I tell her how I really feel, that separating doesn't make sense to me because it won't give us a chance to see how changes will improve things and I therefore don't want her to do it? Should I go with it even though I very deeply feel that it would just mean the beginning of a transition to divorce? She say's she's not seeing anyone, but I have not asked her if a separation would be specifically to see other people.
She's going through a mid-life crisis, which has a lot do with triggering this. I think what she decides will depend a lot on what the therapist recommends. My intuition is that the therapist will tell her she has to decide, so I guess my real question is what to do to save our marriage. No big issues/fights between us, but obviously important enough. Maybe my best option is to tell her how I feel, but that if that's what she wants I respect the decision and I'll give her the time she needs alone? (easier said than done- the thing is, if she does go through with it, I think it will be the end, so my gut reaction would be, if we separate, really go my own way..). there is of course the possibility that there's someone else and the separation is to try that out (I don't think she's been unfaithful) and I also wonder how that would change the picture..
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