Been with my husband since feb 2006, married since Aug 2008.
Just like the title states, I am married to a Narcissist.. (he is currently living out in our big Winnebego)...a big time one, and I think he most likely has a mood disorder to go with it. He has highs and lows. Anyways...I have acknowledged this about him for about 5 years now. I am in the medical field (Professional level) so it is easy for me to diagnose..It is probably also easier for me to have dealt with him for so long because of my field as well.
I recently bought this book about Narcissism, and it is very good so far. Unfortunately it is word for word verbatim "him". I am learning that there is no real cure, and infact the narcissist will not get help and does not acknowledge their problems. I decided to disengage and continue to try about 2 years ago...---anyways there is a lot to it. He is all the things you can claim; emotionally abusive, mentally abusive, NOT physically though.. He knows everything, he has to be in the spotlight, Its his way or the highway..etc..
I happen to be the bread winner. He has his own business and works from home. We have separate bank accounts (his ex wife screweded him over so we have to they will garnish the bank) so I keep my money safe..I pay a majority of all the bills. Mortgage, Car Ins, TV, Internet, loans, groceries. He runs his business out of the house and use the whole garage and has an office, but pays me nothing towards the mortgage to have his business there..(losing battle to ask) He keeps the air on 85 in the day because he pays the power bill..So we sweat, and are miserable. He doesnt contribute to fun times. He regulary goes out of town with our 8 yr old, as he coaches a swim team as a volunteer 5 days a week. Basically I never see him. if I do we just always get into it because he is so loud and boisterous.
My last straw came in June during a weekend trip to Atlanta to take our boy to a swim meet and take him to do all the fun stuff in Atlanta. I attempted to stand up for my husband to a lady he coaches with..I messaged her thru FB, to tell her I didnt appreciate how he was accusing him of something at the swim meet etc..long story..well he didnt like that I did that, he treated me like an enemy..He called me a freak and told me I was strange, he told me to leave Atlanta and just go home ( I didnt and quickly just went along with him). I was very hurt. I felt like it mattered nothing to him that I was standing by him...and thats when my heart fell out of my chest and onto the ground., that is when my brain detached itself and told me that I was better than that and I deserved more in life, that I was worth more and that I did not need to remain.
I ultimately need to write an ultimatem.. I attemped an almost conversational ultimatum the evening of our anniversary. I remained reserved and calm aasking him questions... So anyways, he basically told me that he will not compromise with me when it comes to his coaching and being gone 5 nights per week, gone frequently on weekends with our son..Two of our daughters (his stepdaughters) are at college, and I have one of my own still at home that is 13. So its just me and her a lot of the time.
Point is..I have no real marriage..its so strange, he has completely enveloped my son and his swimming career and lifestyle as all that he cares about.
I am lonely, Im sad, I get no help. I am ill (war Veteran with physical issues)..and he has no concern of any of it..there is no in sickness and in health, no for better or worse, no richer or poorer..its him and him alone..thats it.
What I am eluding to is that I know I have to make a move. I cannot make that move until my parents move to where I live in about 9 months. They will be a big help.
I am hit with a double edged sword..I have attempted to uphold my vows, I have attempted for years to fix myself and attend therapy, I have gone without, I have worked to the bone. I have raised excellent girls. I maintain a professional career..But, at the end of the day, I have absolutely nothing to show for it..I have a house, a car and my 13 yr old daughter, and my boy, but I have no happiness and joy filling my home. I have no free time, no relaxation , no cuddles, no kiss, no warmth, no confidant. And it sucks..I hate it..I hate that he has put me in the position to have to choose to keep a sad and delusional marriage and fake it, or move on and live happy with someone who doesnt have a mental illness. I dont want to hurt my son as I had hurt my daughter when their dad and me divorced (hard time due to death of a child)...
OMG......please, what do I do...I have tried, I promise ! The therapy bills date back to 2009 ! Nothing will ever change, it is just getting worse.
thank you all for reading ! Hope to hear from you ! :nerd:
Just like the title states, I am married to a Narcissist.. (he is currently living out in our big Winnebego)...a big time one, and I think he most likely has a mood disorder to go with it. He has highs and lows. Anyways...I have acknowledged this about him for about 5 years now. I am in the medical field (Professional level) so it is easy for me to diagnose..It is probably also easier for me to have dealt with him for so long because of my field as well.
I recently bought this book about Narcissism, and it is very good so far. Unfortunately it is word for word verbatim "him". I am learning that there is no real cure, and infact the narcissist will not get help and does not acknowledge their problems. I decided to disengage and continue to try about 2 years ago...---anyways there is a lot to it. He is all the things you can claim; emotionally abusive, mentally abusive, NOT physically though.. He knows everything, he has to be in the spotlight, Its his way or the highway..etc..
I happen to be the bread winner. He has his own business and works from home. We have separate bank accounts (his ex wife screweded him over so we have to they will garnish the bank) so I keep my money safe..I pay a majority of all the bills. Mortgage, Car Ins, TV, Internet, loans, groceries. He runs his business out of the house and use the whole garage and has an office, but pays me nothing towards the mortgage to have his business there..(losing battle to ask) He keeps the air on 85 in the day because he pays the power bill..So we sweat, and are miserable. He doesnt contribute to fun times. He regulary goes out of town with our 8 yr old, as he coaches a swim team as a volunteer 5 days a week. Basically I never see him. if I do we just always get into it because he is so loud and boisterous.
My last straw came in June during a weekend trip to Atlanta to take our boy to a swim meet and take him to do all the fun stuff in Atlanta. I attempted to stand up for my husband to a lady he coaches with..I messaged her thru FB, to tell her I didnt appreciate how he was accusing him of something at the swim meet etc..long story..well he didnt like that I did that, he treated me like an enemy..He called me a freak and told me I was strange, he told me to leave Atlanta and just go home ( I didnt and quickly just went along with him). I was very hurt. I felt like it mattered nothing to him that I was standing by him...and thats when my heart fell out of my chest and onto the ground., that is when my brain detached itself and told me that I was better than that and I deserved more in life, that I was worth more and that I did not need to remain.
I ultimately need to write an ultimatem.. I attemped an almost conversational ultimatum the evening of our anniversary. I remained reserved and calm aasking him questions... So anyways, he basically told me that he will not compromise with me when it comes to his coaching and being gone 5 nights per week, gone frequently on weekends with our son..Two of our daughters (his stepdaughters) are at college, and I have one of my own still at home that is 13. So its just me and her a lot of the time.
Point is..I have no real marriage..its so strange, he has completely enveloped my son and his swimming career and lifestyle as all that he cares about.
I am lonely, Im sad, I get no help. I am ill (war Veteran with physical issues)..and he has no concern of any of it..there is no in sickness and in health, no for better or worse, no richer or poorer..its him and him alone..thats it.
What I am eluding to is that I know I have to make a move. I cannot make that move until my parents move to where I live in about 9 months. They will be a big help.
I am hit with a double edged sword..I have attempted to uphold my vows, I have attempted for years to fix myself and attend therapy, I have gone without, I have worked to the bone. I have raised excellent girls. I maintain a professional career..But, at the end of the day, I have absolutely nothing to show for it..I have a house, a car and my 13 yr old daughter, and my boy, but I have no happiness and joy filling my home. I have no free time, no relaxation , no cuddles, no kiss, no warmth, no confidant. And it sucks..I hate it..I hate that he has put me in the position to have to choose to keep a sad and delusional marriage and fake it, or move on and live happy with someone who doesnt have a mental illness. I dont want to hurt my son as I had hurt my daughter when their dad and me divorced (hard time due to death of a child)...
OMG......please, what do I do...I have tried, I promise ! The therapy bills date back to 2009 ! Nothing will ever change, it is just getting worse.
thank you all for reading ! Hope to hear from you ! :nerd:
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment