My wife is in day three of a separate vacation of a week she is taking with her sister, cousin and my daughter. They are renting a house on Cape Cod. I need some advice :)
Background: We have been married 18 years and the last three or four years have been very rocky. We started counseling in February but it hasn't done much good. She didn't so any of the homework and didn't engage much. She tells me she loves me but there are things she can't let go of and doesn't think we can make it back. We have been on a roller coaster for six months where she says she is willing to try reconciliation, then we have a fight about something and she says 'she's done' and wants a divorce. Next day we are back to trying. Sometimes she says "I don't want to lose you" then she says we have hurt each other too much to make it work.
Our trust in each other is pretty bad right now. We have both snooped on each other and neither really trusts we have each others best interest at heart right now.
Anyway, at the start of the reconciliation months ago she announced she was going on a girls trip with her sister and cousin and it was all arranged. Non-negotiable. I said how much I didn't like the idea - that we are in the middle of trouble and don't trust so now is a bad time. She said I need to just trust her - that I have known her for 18 years so I should know there is no hanky panky - especially with my daughter (age 10) going with.
But in the last year she hasn;'t been acting like her old self - and I told her that. I told her it is understandable. Right now our feelings are different for each other than they were years ago. So this could open the door to who knows what. She got indiginant and mad as hell and is suing this as an example of my wanting to control her.
BTW, her sister and cousin hate me and have been encouraging her to leave me (they both have failed marriages - great role models.) besides hanky panky I told her that this could be a week of bile spewed about and will hurt us even more. She said they agreed to not talk about the marriage (yeah, right! Four women alone for a week not talking relationships?!?!) Again my concerns were dismissed and I was told this is an example of my trying to manipulate her by making her feel bad and isolating her from her family (I have said for YEARS we need to have her sister and cousin over for holidays. I even offered to pay airfare since we are well off and they are poor.)
Anyway, so off she went. She only told me the address a few days before hand, despite me asking for weeks. She says there is no phone but she has her cell. There is wifi and the first day she sent me a nice email. Then radio silence, though she found time to post pics to facebook.
I am pretty mad that my feeling were ignored and I was told over and over this is all normal and I am 'over the top' by feeling there is anything wrong.
Now specifically - should I call her cell? If so I look like I am suspicious and controlling (she says). But she is my wife and I should expect communication right?
As I typed this I just got email! I prodded her by email a few hours ago, so this is the response.
It is an okay email recounting some details of the day yesterday. It doesn't start off "Hi Sweetie!" or end in "Love from your Sweetie" like the previous email. Am I being overly suspicious? Overly sensitive? I do have overly-sensitive ways.
Background: We have been married 18 years and the last three or four years have been very rocky. We started counseling in February but it hasn't done much good. She didn't so any of the homework and didn't engage much. She tells me she loves me but there are things she can't let go of and doesn't think we can make it back. We have been on a roller coaster for six months where she says she is willing to try reconciliation, then we have a fight about something and she says 'she's done' and wants a divorce. Next day we are back to trying. Sometimes she says "I don't want to lose you" then she says we have hurt each other too much to make it work.
Our trust in each other is pretty bad right now. We have both snooped on each other and neither really trusts we have each others best interest at heart right now.
Anyway, at the start of the reconciliation months ago she announced she was going on a girls trip with her sister and cousin and it was all arranged. Non-negotiable. I said how much I didn't like the idea - that we are in the middle of trouble and don't trust so now is a bad time. She said I need to just trust her - that I have known her for 18 years so I should know there is no hanky panky - especially with my daughter (age 10) going with.
But in the last year she hasn;'t been acting like her old self - and I told her that. I told her it is understandable. Right now our feelings are different for each other than they were years ago. So this could open the door to who knows what. She got indiginant and mad as hell and is suing this as an example of my wanting to control her.
BTW, her sister and cousin hate me and have been encouraging her to leave me (they both have failed marriages - great role models.) besides hanky panky I told her that this could be a week of bile spewed about and will hurt us even more. She said they agreed to not talk about the marriage (yeah, right! Four women alone for a week not talking relationships?!?!) Again my concerns were dismissed and I was told this is an example of my trying to manipulate her by making her feel bad and isolating her from her family (I have said for YEARS we need to have her sister and cousin over for holidays. I even offered to pay airfare since we are well off and they are poor.)
Anyway, so off she went. She only told me the address a few days before hand, despite me asking for weeks. She says there is no phone but she has her cell. There is wifi and the first day she sent me a nice email. Then radio silence, though she found time to post pics to facebook.
I am pretty mad that my feeling were ignored and I was told over and over this is all normal and I am 'over the top' by feeling there is anything wrong.
Now specifically - should I call her cell? If so I look like I am suspicious and controlling (she says). But she is my wife and I should expect communication right?
As I typed this I just got email! I prodded her by email a few hours ago, so this is the response.
It is an okay email recounting some details of the day yesterday. It doesn't start off "Hi Sweetie!" or end in "Love from your Sweetie" like the previous email. Am I being overly suspicious? Overly sensitive? I do have overly-sensitive ways.
Put the internet to work for you.
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