I'm not a very open person but I've finally decided I need to speak my mind, so here goes...
My wife and I have been married for four years, dated for five years after meeting on campus of our college before that and have no kids. When we got married we both believed we were very much in love and we're looking forward to our lives together and everything that came along with it... Only the "Happily Ever After" has only been a slow, downward spiral ever since. Let me explain.
It's not that we thought marriage would be all fun and games, quite the contrary, as a matter of fact. We're both sensible people who usually remain pretty level-headed. It's hard to pinpoint one problem or instance where things went wrong, so forgive me if I start to jump back and forth a lot from here on out.
I'd say a big part of our problem stems from the fact that we don't agree on things quite as much as we thought pre-marriage, as we have our own views (as any two individuals would), and while that doesn't bother me too much it very much can be a problem for her at times. We also can't agree on kids. She wants them while I do not. We both knew this about each other before the marriage but she thought I'd change my mind while I suppose in typical man fashion I thought it wasn't a huge deal. I believe a part of her resents me for this, though try as I might I just don't want them... Or at the very least I know I don't want them with her.
She's not a bad person and we get along for the most part, but she's extremely lazy. I do all of the cooking, cleaning and take care of most other odd and ends while we both work full time jobs. Whenever I bring this up (usually after SHE instigates an argument) about how she does nothing and I would appreciate some help, all she can reply with is "you do it better" or I don't know how". She won't even take care of the dog SHE wanted. Or I hear about if she didn't have to work, she would do more. Which I know is BS, as she'd only watch tv, read, phone her family/friends or work on her paintings like she always does. This is why I'm confused about whether I don't want kids period or just with her, as I don't want to be stuck doing everything forever, even though she promises that wouldn't be the case. I'm not convinced, and I know that having kids never solved anyone's problems.
Our sexual relationship also plummeted after marriage, though instead of it being due to her lack of libido as movies/media/popular opinion would have you believe, it's due to me. I don't feel as attracted to her as I once did and between that and the underlying thoughts in my head about maybe not being "in love" anymore, sex has only become a chore and not something that I look forward to as I once did. She's also not near as adventurous as I am in that regard.
I also know that I'm not the easiest person to be married to, as I can be distant and cold at times. Though I am slow to anger, I can also be prone to saying things I don't mean and can be blunt. Thus we come to another realization I've had (or just another crazy seed planted in my head caused by being in an unhealthy relationship), being that I'm not sure I'm the type of person that should be married. I can be loving and I'm not socially awkward or anything (I still enjoy being with family and friends), but I enjoy my privacy and I like to be alone. I've been this way for as long as I remember... Probably because I was an only child.
In closing, I guess I'm just saying I don't know what to do. I don't know if I could actually go through with a divorce, but at the same time I know we're not happy and I suspect it will only get worse - especially with us being so divided on the children issue.
-Outsidewithin
My wife and I have been married for four years, dated for five years after meeting on campus of our college before that and have no kids. When we got married we both believed we were very much in love and we're looking forward to our lives together and everything that came along with it... Only the "Happily Ever After" has only been a slow, downward spiral ever since. Let me explain.
It's not that we thought marriage would be all fun and games, quite the contrary, as a matter of fact. We're both sensible people who usually remain pretty level-headed. It's hard to pinpoint one problem or instance where things went wrong, so forgive me if I start to jump back and forth a lot from here on out.
I'd say a big part of our problem stems from the fact that we don't agree on things quite as much as we thought pre-marriage, as we have our own views (as any two individuals would), and while that doesn't bother me too much it very much can be a problem for her at times. We also can't agree on kids. She wants them while I do not. We both knew this about each other before the marriage but she thought I'd change my mind while I suppose in typical man fashion I thought it wasn't a huge deal. I believe a part of her resents me for this, though try as I might I just don't want them... Or at the very least I know I don't want them with her.
She's not a bad person and we get along for the most part, but she's extremely lazy. I do all of the cooking, cleaning and take care of most other odd and ends while we both work full time jobs. Whenever I bring this up (usually after SHE instigates an argument) about how she does nothing and I would appreciate some help, all she can reply with is "you do it better" or I don't know how". She won't even take care of the dog SHE wanted. Or I hear about if she didn't have to work, she would do more. Which I know is BS, as she'd only watch tv, read, phone her family/friends or work on her paintings like she always does. This is why I'm confused about whether I don't want kids period or just with her, as I don't want to be stuck doing everything forever, even though she promises that wouldn't be the case. I'm not convinced, and I know that having kids never solved anyone's problems.
Our sexual relationship also plummeted after marriage, though instead of it being due to her lack of libido as movies/media/popular opinion would have you believe, it's due to me. I don't feel as attracted to her as I once did and between that and the underlying thoughts in my head about maybe not being "in love" anymore, sex has only become a chore and not something that I look forward to as I once did. She's also not near as adventurous as I am in that regard.
I also know that I'm not the easiest person to be married to, as I can be distant and cold at times. Though I am slow to anger, I can also be prone to saying things I don't mean and can be blunt. Thus we come to another realization I've had (or just another crazy seed planted in my head caused by being in an unhealthy relationship), being that I'm not sure I'm the type of person that should be married. I can be loving and I'm not socially awkward or anything (I still enjoy being with family and friends), but I enjoy my privacy and I like to be alone. I've been this way for as long as I remember... Probably because I was an only child.
In closing, I guess I'm just saying I don't know what to do. I don't know if I could actually go through with a divorce, but at the same time I know we're not happy and I suspect it will only get worse - especially with us being so divided on the children issue.
-Outsidewithin
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