Sorry to beat a dead horse but this has been on my mind the past couple of weeks and then a thread in "The Men's Clubhouse" brought it back to the forefront.
A bit of history:
Raised and still a practicing Mormon. Obviously brought up taught that pornography was damaging on many different levels. I would agree wholeheartedly with that today and much of it comes from personal experience we (SO and I) have had over the last 5 years.
I was exposed to pornography early in life like many boys are via Playboy, Penthouse etc. I really liked it but that religious conditioning did not make me feel great about it at the same time. Obviously it was something that was not readily available to me and I really did not seek it out so there really was not an issue with it but in the advent of the internet I found myself at times really being overwhelmed by it all.
I obviously did not feel great about it and eventually rationalized was there really something I had not seen at that point that I needed to see? I came to the conclusion that there really wasn't and was able to control participation with an occasional misstep.
About 6-7 years ago my SO caught me in one of these missteps and the result was a very mature discussion about porn and she was genuinely concerned. It was a very humbling (in a good way) experience for me.
Within a couple of years our relationship began to deteriorate. It took me awhile to understand what was happening and finding TAM was crucial for helping me get a clue.
What I eventually found was that she was looking at porn in both written and video form. I was surprised but not angry although very much confused. Our sex life which had been sensational and a few times a week had become a rare treat that occurred 1.5 times a month.
Finding our way back to where we were in our relationship has been fraught with challenges and we have made a bit of headway. All this being said we had a conversation a few weeks ago that really shocked me. We were discussing when she caught me using porn and used the "it was like you were cheating on me". Now I do not believe for a second she felt this way when she caught me. She was disappointed but that was where it seemed to begin and end.
I truly believe she has "evolved" with the help of her new found friends that she hangs out with. Honestly I was to dumbfounded to ask her if she felt she cheated on me when she was looking at or reading porn. We will reopen this discussion soon but I must say I find equating porn to a PA or EA absurd.
I have stated this before and I will again. Pornography is awful. There is nothing redeeming about it. The magnitude of abuse that many women (girls) are subjected to is reprehensible. To support it in any fashion shows a lack of good judgement at the very least.
I never understood why women took such offense to pornography, some even divorcing their husbands as a result of them lacking the necessary fortitude to get the problem under control and save their relationship. I would tell myself "ok porn is bad but divorcing over it"?
I was not initially offended when I discovered my wife's proclivities and really did not give it much thought until I realized she was replacing me with it. You see I never replaced my W with porn. Never would have considered it. I was ready willing and able anytime, any day multiple times and ways. I never felt so low in my life. I never had had an esteem issue in my life. The damage that porn can have to a relationship finally sunk in.
That being said I could never equate it to a PA or and EA. That requires you to give something away. In the thread tonight the WW of the OP justified her Affair because he had a porn issue 3 years earlier that he had overcome. I was alarmed how many took shots at the OP's porn participation as "just a bad" as her PA. As I have stated I think porn is awful but equating it to a PA or an EA seems to be more than a bit myopic to me.
Sorry for the rant.
A bit of history:
Raised and still a practicing Mormon. Obviously brought up taught that pornography was damaging on many different levels. I would agree wholeheartedly with that today and much of it comes from personal experience we (SO and I) have had over the last 5 years.
I was exposed to pornography early in life like many boys are via Playboy, Penthouse etc. I really liked it but that religious conditioning did not make me feel great about it at the same time. Obviously it was something that was not readily available to me and I really did not seek it out so there really was not an issue with it but in the advent of the internet I found myself at times really being overwhelmed by it all.
I obviously did not feel great about it and eventually rationalized was there really something I had not seen at that point that I needed to see? I came to the conclusion that there really wasn't and was able to control participation with an occasional misstep.
About 6-7 years ago my SO caught me in one of these missteps and the result was a very mature discussion about porn and she was genuinely concerned. It was a very humbling (in a good way) experience for me.
Within a couple of years our relationship began to deteriorate. It took me awhile to understand what was happening and finding TAM was crucial for helping me get a clue.
What I eventually found was that she was looking at porn in both written and video form. I was surprised but not angry although very much confused. Our sex life which had been sensational and a few times a week had become a rare treat that occurred 1.5 times a month.
Finding our way back to where we were in our relationship has been fraught with challenges and we have made a bit of headway. All this being said we had a conversation a few weeks ago that really shocked me. We were discussing when she caught me using porn and used the "it was like you were cheating on me". Now I do not believe for a second she felt this way when she caught me. She was disappointed but that was where it seemed to begin and end.
I truly believe she has "evolved" with the help of her new found friends that she hangs out with. Honestly I was to dumbfounded to ask her if she felt she cheated on me when she was looking at or reading porn. We will reopen this discussion soon but I must say I find equating porn to a PA or EA absurd.
I have stated this before and I will again. Pornography is awful. There is nothing redeeming about it. The magnitude of abuse that many women (girls) are subjected to is reprehensible. To support it in any fashion shows a lack of good judgement at the very least.
I never understood why women took such offense to pornography, some even divorcing their husbands as a result of them lacking the necessary fortitude to get the problem under control and save their relationship. I would tell myself "ok porn is bad but divorcing over it"?
I was not initially offended when I discovered my wife's proclivities and really did not give it much thought until I realized she was replacing me with it. You see I never replaced my W with porn. Never would have considered it. I was ready willing and able anytime, any day multiple times and ways. I never felt so low in my life. I never had had an esteem issue in my life. The damage that porn can have to a relationship finally sunk in.
That being said I could never equate it to a PA or and EA. That requires you to give something away. In the thread tonight the WW of the OP justified her Affair because he had a porn issue 3 years earlier that he had overcome. I was alarmed how many took shots at the OP's porn participation as "just a bad" as her PA. As I have stated I think porn is awful but equating it to a PA or an EA seems to be more than a bit myopic to me.
Sorry for the rant.
Put the internet to work for you.
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