Sorry in advance for such a long posting. I am really going through the mill at the moment and I'd appreciate some views and encouragement.
My wife and I met in Barcelona Spain nine years ago. She is Canadian and I am British. We hit it off immediately and started dating. Things were fantastic, we moved around a bit for study and jobs but everything was great between us, we were always there for each other and we got married in 2012. We were living in Barcelona at the time and life was OK but neither of us were really happy in our jobs. So I suggested that we think about going to Canada where we both have family and friends. We agreed that is what we would do. A good job opportunity came up for her in Madrid, where we had lived previously and we decided that it might be easier to process the visa for Canada there (the Embassy is there) so we went with idea of going for one year. About three months in, she told me that she was really happy there and didn't want to leave, things were really working out for her. While I was happy for her I was gutted as I thought that we would move to Canada, start a family and a life for ourselves. I was also suffering from some serious issues with my back that curtailed my life a bit (I played a lot of sports) and I went into a bit of a spiral downwards. I don't know if I was depressed but I certainly felt down about things – my job had gone to part time and was very boring, my back was on my mind, I didn't have a social group like she had and I had a lot of time on my hands. We went to counselling and I agreed that I wasn't trying as hard as I could and agreed I would try harder to make it work in Madrid. So I joined more clubs, made some friends and things started to be a bit better. In December after a family wedding my wife sat me down and said that she had changed her mind and did want to go to Canada. I was delighted and started making plans. We went away the Christmas just gone and I had spinal surgery in February which laid me out for a few months. Just a couple of weeks after the operation my wife confessed that she didn't want to go to Canada after all. Again I was devastated. Then in May she told me that it was over, that she was done with the marriage and that she was moving out. She gave me a number of reasons, that she wanted to see me succeed, which I wasn't doing in Madrid, that my negativity affected her too badly, and that things just weren't working out for me in Madrid. I was shell-shocked. I didn't see it coming and it knocked me for six. About two months ago she moved out. We saw each other a few times, she said she still loved me and missed me and felt awful about the whole situation. She went to see her family in Canada for August. Just before we were supposed to meet up for a coffee but she said it was too painful for her to see me. She is still in Canada and comes back next week.
I am totally and utter devastated by the whole thing. Just six months ago I thought we would be going to Canada and just a couple of days before she dropped the bombshell we were planning summer vacations and still making love. We were together nine years and I love this girl with every fibre of my being. I miss her awfully. I am trying so hard to be positive, but it's so hard. Advice says to get out there and find new hobbies, but my hobbies have always been sports based and I am still not physically fit enough to do that. They say rely on family and friends, but I don't have that many in Madrid and my friends back in the UK are married with kids etc. My Mum and Dad are both dead and my brother isn't much help and also has his own family responsibilities. Marriage and kids are all that I wanted in my life.
I don't know what to do. I was accepted for a Masters in London studying radio production (something which I have always enjoyed) but coming back to London is such a huge step and feels like a backward one. Another options is to study AudioVisual Postproduction here in Madrid, again an area which I like but I don't know if I would be able to gain employment after, and I don't know how much of me is staying here with some hope that we can reconcile. I would like that, but I don't know if she would even consider it. I am financially solvent and have some considerable savings.
I am starting to think that I am becoming depressed. I cry a lot, I feel sad a lot and sometimes I don't know how I can carry on without her and if life is worth living. I am seeing a councillor and starting with a psychotherapist in a couple of weeks. I am also seeing my doctors later, and a careers councillor tomorrow. I am 37 and I feel that I will never make anything of my life and that I will never achieve my dream of a house, wife and kids.
Please help me.
Mark
My wife and I met in Barcelona Spain nine years ago. She is Canadian and I am British. We hit it off immediately and started dating. Things were fantastic, we moved around a bit for study and jobs but everything was great between us, we were always there for each other and we got married in 2012. We were living in Barcelona at the time and life was OK but neither of us were really happy in our jobs. So I suggested that we think about going to Canada where we both have family and friends. We agreed that is what we would do. A good job opportunity came up for her in Madrid, where we had lived previously and we decided that it might be easier to process the visa for Canada there (the Embassy is there) so we went with idea of going for one year. About three months in, she told me that she was really happy there and didn't want to leave, things were really working out for her. While I was happy for her I was gutted as I thought that we would move to Canada, start a family and a life for ourselves. I was also suffering from some serious issues with my back that curtailed my life a bit (I played a lot of sports) and I went into a bit of a spiral downwards. I don't know if I was depressed but I certainly felt down about things – my job had gone to part time and was very boring, my back was on my mind, I didn't have a social group like she had and I had a lot of time on my hands. We went to counselling and I agreed that I wasn't trying as hard as I could and agreed I would try harder to make it work in Madrid. So I joined more clubs, made some friends and things started to be a bit better. In December after a family wedding my wife sat me down and said that she had changed her mind and did want to go to Canada. I was delighted and started making plans. We went away the Christmas just gone and I had spinal surgery in February which laid me out for a few months. Just a couple of weeks after the operation my wife confessed that she didn't want to go to Canada after all. Again I was devastated. Then in May she told me that it was over, that she was done with the marriage and that she was moving out. She gave me a number of reasons, that she wanted to see me succeed, which I wasn't doing in Madrid, that my negativity affected her too badly, and that things just weren't working out for me in Madrid. I was shell-shocked. I didn't see it coming and it knocked me for six. About two months ago she moved out. We saw each other a few times, she said she still loved me and missed me and felt awful about the whole situation. She went to see her family in Canada for August. Just before we were supposed to meet up for a coffee but she said it was too painful for her to see me. She is still in Canada and comes back next week.
I am totally and utter devastated by the whole thing. Just six months ago I thought we would be going to Canada and just a couple of days before she dropped the bombshell we were planning summer vacations and still making love. We were together nine years and I love this girl with every fibre of my being. I miss her awfully. I am trying so hard to be positive, but it's so hard. Advice says to get out there and find new hobbies, but my hobbies have always been sports based and I am still not physically fit enough to do that. They say rely on family and friends, but I don't have that many in Madrid and my friends back in the UK are married with kids etc. My Mum and Dad are both dead and my brother isn't much help and also has his own family responsibilities. Marriage and kids are all that I wanted in my life.
I don't know what to do. I was accepted for a Masters in London studying radio production (something which I have always enjoyed) but coming back to London is such a huge step and feels like a backward one. Another options is to study AudioVisual Postproduction here in Madrid, again an area which I like but I don't know if I would be able to gain employment after, and I don't know how much of me is staying here with some hope that we can reconcile. I would like that, but I don't know if she would even consider it. I am financially solvent and have some considerable savings.
I am starting to think that I am becoming depressed. I cry a lot, I feel sad a lot and sometimes I don't know how I can carry on without her and if life is worth living. I am seeing a councillor and starting with a psychotherapist in a couple of weeks. I am also seeing my doctors later, and a careers councillor tomorrow. I am 37 and I feel that I will never make anything of my life and that I will never achieve my dream of a house, wife and kids.
Please help me.
Mark
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