Hi guys, i'm needing advice on what I should be doing in regards to my current relationship. And hopefully, typing it out and telling people would help in clearing my thoughts and figuring out what to do.
I've been seeing this guy (let's name him F), for around 5 months now. We had been friends for over a year over the internet (we knew each other through a mutual friend that we both know in real life. we just started talking because we both play games), and we never really thought about getting together during our friendship. I went through a hurtful break up earlier this year, and F supported me during the healing process, and that's how we got closer. We eventually realized that we like each other and started dating.
After going through a few not so pleasant experience with relationships: falling in love hard and giving too much and receiving too little, I am extremely cautious of getting too close to people. My mom also tells me to focus on uni and stop dating too much/ investing in relationships that would end. (but i mean, who the hell would know the outcome when you first get into a relationship).
It took me a long time to get with F because I always doubt my feelings and my judgement, since all of my previous relationships failed, and I'm often at a loss of why certain things happened the way they did. But F was an incredible friend who was really there and listened, I couldn't be any grateful for him. And as a boyfriend, he's a really dependable guy, and I really really do love him. But this is really different from other relationships that I have. Physically speaking, he isn't really my type (past relationships that I had were sort of based on chemistry and physical attraction), and he also won't be going to university (he hates school), which is not exactly on my "ideals of future bf/husband" list when I wrote as a teenager.
And for those above reasons, I'm not 100% sure of how this relationship is going to go. I grew up in upper middle class, and his family is quite poor when he was a kid. Our bring up is completely different. But I feel that sometimes I think like an elitist (with him not wanting to go to school, and choosing a career path that I wouldn't necessarily want for him. and sometimes i feel like I don't respect his choices), and that's not fair to him.
I've been struggling a lot lately because a lot of times, I do think that I'm being extremely selfish for just thinking about what he can give me, instead of reaching a compromise, and start trying harder. I don't know if it's hormonal, or me being upset, there are days when I really really show him that I love him, and there are days when I don't really feel like up for anything. And this is really bothering me because I guess I was expecting things to fall into pace without me trying. And at times, I doubt if I truly do love him. I know that relationships do take hard work, and I'm always not wanting to make decisions/giving myself excuses.
I haven't told my parents about my relationship with him yet, especially when they don't really like me to date. I've also thought that maybe I'm not ready for a relationship. Normally, when people realize that, they would work on themselves. But let me tell you this, I don't think that being single/having some time on my own would really help me get back on my feet, because I would literally lie down and be a piece of **** anyways. I do need a cause to get myself back together.
What do you guys think? Do you think that I just don't love him enough? Or that I just need to grow a pair (of ovaries), and take on some responsibilities? Are feelings supposed to just click, and are always gonna be there? Or do those feelings require work to maintain? Are we just not compatible because he doesn't fulfil all of the items on my list? I'm confused over the concepts of love being feelings vs love being an action and something you do.
I've been seeing this guy (let's name him F), for around 5 months now. We had been friends for over a year over the internet (we knew each other through a mutual friend that we both know in real life. we just started talking because we both play games), and we never really thought about getting together during our friendship. I went through a hurtful break up earlier this year, and F supported me during the healing process, and that's how we got closer. We eventually realized that we like each other and started dating.
After going through a few not so pleasant experience with relationships: falling in love hard and giving too much and receiving too little, I am extremely cautious of getting too close to people. My mom also tells me to focus on uni and stop dating too much/ investing in relationships that would end. (but i mean, who the hell would know the outcome when you first get into a relationship).
It took me a long time to get with F because I always doubt my feelings and my judgement, since all of my previous relationships failed, and I'm often at a loss of why certain things happened the way they did. But F was an incredible friend who was really there and listened, I couldn't be any grateful for him. And as a boyfriend, he's a really dependable guy, and I really really do love him. But this is really different from other relationships that I have. Physically speaking, he isn't really my type (past relationships that I had were sort of based on chemistry and physical attraction), and he also won't be going to university (he hates school), which is not exactly on my "ideals of future bf/husband" list when I wrote as a teenager.
And for those above reasons, I'm not 100% sure of how this relationship is going to go. I grew up in upper middle class, and his family is quite poor when he was a kid. Our bring up is completely different. But I feel that sometimes I think like an elitist (with him not wanting to go to school, and choosing a career path that I wouldn't necessarily want for him. and sometimes i feel like I don't respect his choices), and that's not fair to him.
I've been struggling a lot lately because a lot of times, I do think that I'm being extremely selfish for just thinking about what he can give me, instead of reaching a compromise, and start trying harder. I don't know if it's hormonal, or me being upset, there are days when I really really show him that I love him, and there are days when I don't really feel like up for anything. And this is really bothering me because I guess I was expecting things to fall into pace without me trying. And at times, I doubt if I truly do love him. I know that relationships do take hard work, and I'm always not wanting to make decisions/giving myself excuses.
I haven't told my parents about my relationship with him yet, especially when they don't really like me to date. I've also thought that maybe I'm not ready for a relationship. Normally, when people realize that, they would work on themselves. But let me tell you this, I don't think that being single/having some time on my own would really help me get back on my feet, because I would literally lie down and be a piece of **** anyways. I do need a cause to get myself back together.
What do you guys think? Do you think that I just don't love him enough? Or that I just need to grow a pair (of ovaries), and take on some responsibilities? Are feelings supposed to just click, and are always gonna be there? Or do those feelings require work to maintain? Are we just not compatible because he doesn't fulfil all of the items on my list? I'm confused over the concepts of love being feelings vs love being an action and something you do.
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