Hi all. I'm new.
I got married 2 weeks ago and it was bliss at first. Now, 2 weeks in, my husband is threatening to annul our marriage. Each time he's been wasted. It started the other night when I had a headache because I stayed up too late and then went to work all day. I was tired. I told him I was going to go to bed. He good naturedly teased me at first. Then we bbqed at our complex pool. We came back up and he slammed our front door to annoy the downstairs neighbor he hates. I told him ow, my head hurt and you could've hit the dog like that. He turned on some music on his phone to further annoy the downstairs neighbor and I said I had a headache, could he turn it down. This is where **** flipped. He said it's not his fault that I had a headache and he won't turn it down and if I'm mad, then maybe I made a mistake marrying him and that he could always annul the marriage. (He doesn't know that per state law, he can't do this unless we were bro/sis, fraud, etc...) We fought, I cried, went to bed alone. I don't think he entirely remembered it the next day.
I came home from work, maturely didn't bring it up and was nice. Things were good. We had dinner, I had a glass of wine, he had a couple of vodkas and when the roomie went on a walk, I addressed our issue. He got upset, said he does everything around here (cooking and cleaning) and that I treat him like an *******. Um, no. In fact, I always say thank you for cooking, I just bought him a nice gift he wanted, and have always been nothing but supportive of him. I made us a reservation for date night and even got us a maid since I'm exhausted after working 9 hours and don't usually get to cleaning. So I said no way, we fought, and again he threatened to annul our marriage. Then he called one of my bridesmaids and good friend and told her we're through, that he'll be fine and I'll need support. Then he told her that he thinks I have a problem. My bridesmaid said he sounded super ****ed up. And he passed out.
Today he has not acknowledged anything he said last night. True to his pattern of behavior, I fully expect that he'll ignore it unless I bring it up and he'll get defensive. (When he gets defensive about something he's done wrong, his go to phrase is oh so you must think I'm the ******* which evolves into him saying you treat me like an *******.) I did leave him a voicemail that I made a reservation at a fancy restaurant we have gift cards to and the time. I don't think he remembers his call with my friend last night. I'm not sure he remembers yelling at me and threatening to annul our marriage. He does not know she told me everything he said. My hope is to relax, move past difficulties in a positive manner by saying you know, I sure do appreciate all that you do. I know we're under stress with work and stuff, so let's just try to work on taking more time to ourselves more. If he goes into rehashing the argument, I will use this positive tactic to try and calm him down. But I do think that we do need to stop the drinking. I think this is going to be our major problem here because he gets wasted a lot more frequently now. Did he before? Not really. He drank, but just not to this degree. But he broke his arm and it's not healing so well with his physical job. So now, he's drinking to ease the pain. Oh and taking pills. I think this is where it's all coming from. Because previously, he was so sweet and loving. Just not the past couple of nights.
I'm trying to keep it all in perspective here. And I know he's just threatening as a manipulation. He really wouldn't leave for many reasons, but chief among them, he'd have nowhere to go, doesn't make much money (I'm the breadwinner here,) has no savings of his own, and would have to explain to his family what happened (which I know would humiliate him.)
Thoughts on how I should handle this? Feedback on whether I'm doing this all wrong? Something? Bueller?
I got married 2 weeks ago and it was bliss at first. Now, 2 weeks in, my husband is threatening to annul our marriage. Each time he's been wasted. It started the other night when I had a headache because I stayed up too late and then went to work all day. I was tired. I told him I was going to go to bed. He good naturedly teased me at first. Then we bbqed at our complex pool. We came back up and he slammed our front door to annoy the downstairs neighbor he hates. I told him ow, my head hurt and you could've hit the dog like that. He turned on some music on his phone to further annoy the downstairs neighbor and I said I had a headache, could he turn it down. This is where **** flipped. He said it's not his fault that I had a headache and he won't turn it down and if I'm mad, then maybe I made a mistake marrying him and that he could always annul the marriage. (He doesn't know that per state law, he can't do this unless we were bro/sis, fraud, etc...) We fought, I cried, went to bed alone. I don't think he entirely remembered it the next day.
I came home from work, maturely didn't bring it up and was nice. Things were good. We had dinner, I had a glass of wine, he had a couple of vodkas and when the roomie went on a walk, I addressed our issue. He got upset, said he does everything around here (cooking and cleaning) and that I treat him like an *******. Um, no. In fact, I always say thank you for cooking, I just bought him a nice gift he wanted, and have always been nothing but supportive of him. I made us a reservation for date night and even got us a maid since I'm exhausted after working 9 hours and don't usually get to cleaning. So I said no way, we fought, and again he threatened to annul our marriage. Then he called one of my bridesmaids and good friend and told her we're through, that he'll be fine and I'll need support. Then he told her that he thinks I have a problem. My bridesmaid said he sounded super ****ed up. And he passed out.
Today he has not acknowledged anything he said last night. True to his pattern of behavior, I fully expect that he'll ignore it unless I bring it up and he'll get defensive. (When he gets defensive about something he's done wrong, his go to phrase is oh so you must think I'm the ******* which evolves into him saying you treat me like an *******.) I did leave him a voicemail that I made a reservation at a fancy restaurant we have gift cards to and the time. I don't think he remembers his call with my friend last night. I'm not sure he remembers yelling at me and threatening to annul our marriage. He does not know she told me everything he said. My hope is to relax, move past difficulties in a positive manner by saying you know, I sure do appreciate all that you do. I know we're under stress with work and stuff, so let's just try to work on taking more time to ourselves more. If he goes into rehashing the argument, I will use this positive tactic to try and calm him down. But I do think that we do need to stop the drinking. I think this is going to be our major problem here because he gets wasted a lot more frequently now. Did he before? Not really. He drank, but just not to this degree. But he broke his arm and it's not healing so well with his physical job. So now, he's drinking to ease the pain. Oh and taking pills. I think this is where it's all coming from. Because previously, he was so sweet and loving. Just not the past couple of nights.
I'm trying to keep it all in perspective here. And I know he's just threatening as a manipulation. He really wouldn't leave for many reasons, but chief among them, he'd have nowhere to go, doesn't make much money (I'm the breadwinner here,) has no savings of his own, and would have to explain to his family what happened (which I know would humiliate him.)
Thoughts on how I should handle this? Feedback on whether I'm doing this all wrong? Something? Bueller?
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