| My Chinese wife of 3 years told me in min-August that she is considering divorce. She became disconnected back in July. There have been a few issues over the past year. In July 2012 she bought a house on her own, using her own savings/family money. This was 2 months into a joint 12 month rental tenancy. I was annoyed because I felt the house was too far away from work opportunities and family. I always wanted to do things jointly. She started living in the house full time, whilst I stayed in the rental property in the fear of not being able to get the work (I am a freelance web developer), my work hours can also be erratic where I am working up to 6:30-8p.m. at night. But I would do my best to spend as much time with her as I can at the weekends. Around November 2012 on impact of her buying the house, I feel she started to resent my family for their lack of support. In March 2013 we attended my parent's anniversary meal, she appeared bored and withdrawn. My family were confused and unhappy with her behavior and proposed we should consider marriage counseling. Around May-June 2013 my wife went to another family event. My aunts. She told my aunt that my mother doesn't like her. When my parents arrived at the event, my wife appeared cold towards them, especially my mother. My wife left earlier in order to make her way back to the house. My mum tried to hug my wife goodbye and my wife uncomfortably did so. I later found out this enraged my wife. I also later found out that my aunty relayed the feedback directly to my mother. I made the mistake of telling my sister about this. My sister in turn (who is working in Malasya) wrote an email to my wife - saying that her cold and rude behavior to our parents was unacceptable. My wife was furious with it. In June 2013 I could tell my wife was very mellow and upset about things. She said on June 30th that she wanted to talk to my parents about the situation and her problems/issues etc... issues she has bottled up for years. Now I tried to discourage her on this in a hypothetical scenario to try persuade her to let it go. She proceeded to enjoy the rest of the day with me (cut my hair and put it in an envelope - feng shui). I proceeded to dig in the garden (planting trees) I cut myself and she put a plaster on the wound. Now my wife lost her job in late March (around the time of the anniversary meal) and started a new one in May. (backstory here, my grandad since May was suffering from a terrible foot infection - it got so bad he had have an amputation in mid-July.) My wife started to appear exceedingly busy at the start of July - I was starting to get concerned for my grandfather as it could have been his last few days. My wife suggested that I don't go to the house for the weekends - so I went to see my grandfather instead to check on his status. I started to see my wife emotionally disconnect around mid-July and then when it came into August I started to get really concerned. I was planning to at least have a meal with her on our anniversary day. She told me the day was not important. Then she refused to talk about it. She had plans to go to China for one month in September. So I fathom she didn't want to talk things through with me until she had spoken to her parents about things in person. I tried to reconcile with my wife one last time before she left for China on August 26th. She emotionally wobbled for a bit, but said no - go back to the flat as she had counted the number of times she had cried on her own and there was no one to console. I didn't leave initially as I wanted to talk about it further. She got angry and lashed out, confessed that I just make her feel angry, that she was unlucky to be with someone so stubborn. I then asked if there was anyone else and she said "I don't know". After that I left her alone like a gentleman. I have sent her emails since she has been in China. I have not received any reply, but I do know she has been reading some (image tracking). She has been wanting children and talking about pregnancy since May 2013. (She will be turning 34 in October, I am 30). I would love to have children with her and just want things to smoothen out. I really want to take control over my working hours and live with her more in the house. I am hoping she will look to reconcile with my family or at least come to some truce in her emotions. The very last response I got from her before she left was form a string of text messages expressing how much I want children with her. Her reply "Will talk about it properly when I get back" Its ambiguous and I feel she is acting extremely passive aggressive. I can only remain patient, but I am filled with deep sadness and in some respects feel her silence is a form of emotional abuse. | |||
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