| I'm at your mercy posters. I posted in another thread but didn't tell the whole story. I'm in a helluva mess and I have no one to talk to about this. Too ashamed of myself for having been such a fool. I feel so alone and as if I am living a double life. Everyone thinks we are such a happy couple! TAM is SO helping me since I found it a few weeks ago. And things are changing in my household. Thanks posters. :yay: I tried to make it short but couldn't stop once I started. Pologies for the length :D WH contacted OW online on her blog. She lives in his home country very far away. He pretended he was single and sent her heaps of schmalzy long emails, not overtly sexual but still boy-girl. She replied and got coquettish. 8 months later we went for a holiday to his country. He went ahead for family time and met her. They spent a day/evening together 'lunch'. He visited a second time and stayed in her town that night, in a hotel he says! He met me at the airport the very next day:mad: They texted daily while we holidayed. I found him out at the end of it. He said she was just a friend blah, blah. When we got home I translated the texts, only got a few - pretty innocuous. Googled and found her blog and there on the screen was an article about him! Whoa there! Texts and article are on my other thread. It was all borderline and has driven me NUTS for 4 years. That's why my thread says "Was it EA or PA". He did break off contact immediately - I'm pretty sure of that. I often thought of emailing OW to try and find out more but felt she was smitten and would take his side and deny it. He says OW was single at the time but was trying to get back with her ex. So there was no OWM - well that I know of. Before TAM it wouldn't have occurred to me to do that. I told WS I wanted to meet OW when we went there the following year as it would give me closure. When we were there he made up excuses and we were busy with family. Still, we could have. I shouldn't have let him away with that. But now it has become very serious. A year ago I was diagnosed with an STD. I was shocked. My GYN said I shouldn't be upset as it is very common and mostly quite harmless but mine was a dangerous type which causes cancer. Also it can be dormant for a long time. I had to have surgery and it was pre-cancerous but it was caught in time. I was lucky. With all that had gone on I felt WS may have given it to me. It never occurred to me to contact OW about it. WS had vehemently said for 4 years that he never slept with her. But get this. OW recently wrote on her blog about the same STD and having surgery so it was the same aggressive type as me which is unusual! She wrote as if it happened to someone she knew since she put at the end "The author is merely the narrator", something she never says in her pieces so maybe she was talking about herself. I have always checked her blog in case she wrote something else about him. She never has. I had a GYN appt recently and told her about OW and EA and her writing about STD and that it might have been a PA. GYN said I MUST alert her in case she WAS writing about a friend and if there was a chance she slept with WS. I also must alert any other woman I thought he may have slept with. (Incredibly, there are 3 more as of 18 mths ago when I found all his emails). Anyway she said WS might have picked it up from me through him because it was common and I was just unlucky to have an aggressive form. Wow! I never looked at it THAT way. She said OW might have given it to WS who gave it to me or WS might have given it to both of us. Endless possibilities. Like EVERYTHING around my story from the very beginning it's hard to be sure of anything. My horrible WS has been lying for 4 long years when I found him out 18 months ago. And even after that he kept lying. 2 days ago - thanks to TAM I got a trickle truth now, see below. With the help of you posters I will NOT stop until I find out everything. Now let me get on to the other OWs - there are THREE more. I discovered this 18 months ago together with the dubious nature of his emails to the main star of the show - the EA/PA above. TWO of the OWs he also met on 'that holiday'. One was an ex-mistress no less!!!!!! who said in an email when he told her that he was coming that she still loved him and asked him to come to her country cottage, their old love nest. He says wanted to see her as she was ill before he left his country. Nothing in emails about that - he said she never talked about it and he didn't know what illness it was - so how did he damn well know she was ill sheesh! He said she looked ill. Anyway said he drove her there as her car was broken but he didn't stay and he didn't feel that way about her anymore. Yep - looks real innocent. Another was a girl he went to university with. He told me ages ago about her and said he had the hots for her at uni but she chose his best friend. He emailed her saying "I would like to see you". Her reply? She said she was depressed but used alcohol and one-night-stands with young men to treat it and added "So come and let's go clubbing"!!!!! He told me he wanted to see all his friends there, not just her because at the time he did tell me he caught up with his 'uni friends' including her. But in her email her address was in a different town to the friends. He even asked her in his reply what she was doing there and said he had never been there but he would be driving around. The story I get now is that he's not sure where she lives, that she may live in both places half the time but that she came to the town where the friends lived the night they all met. I know from an email that they all did go drinking together. He said she and he stayed in one of the friends houses. He could still have slept with her. Also he could have gone to see her in her own town the previous night. And he doesn't know where she lives eventhough he met her? Surely it would come up seeing as he even asked her in their email. Oh and we didn't meet those 'friends from uni' when we went there the next year though I asked to meet them too because I assumed we would as he had talked a lot about them. He made excuses just as he did for the main OW above. OMG - this is soooo long but there's so many OWs!!! Nearly finished. The final OW was a backpacker tourist from his home country too surprise, surprise. He met her right here where we live no less. He also chased down on her travel blog. He met her 3 times as I was out of town. She was only here a few weeks. Her emails were very suggestive - don't forget I have to use Google Translate. The trickle truth that came out 2 days ago courtesy of TAM was that he admitted they kissed in his car when they said goodnight as he was dropping her back to her hostel. Sure, like high school kids. In WS speak that means they had sex. I was out of town. That 'kiss' is the ONLY physical thing he has admitted. He still denies vehemently that he actually slept with any of them. His sex drive is very high btw though he has got none from me in the past 18 months. I just can't. I won't even go into the fact that there may have been others. Since all this happened we have only been apart for 2 nights when I was in the hospital. He has been adoring as ever and the best house-husband there is BUT he never brings it up and when I do he denies it aggressively or stays silent. He's very good at silence. He has had to keep his nose clean because he has been financially dependent on me for a lot of that time. And it has drained my savings. Ah yes! I hear you say. I'm still with him because i won't see a dollar of my money if I kick him out. He has finally got a decent job as his industry was in the doldrums. He is highly qualified with a Masters degree and is a very hard worker but he could have made a far better attempt at getting casual bar work etc. outside his profession. I hassled him about it but he only ever made half-assed attempts. My savings are depleted being the only salary-earner for so long. Oh and I found out in the emails he left debts behind him in his country. So all, do I need to write to all of the OWs and tell them the whole story including that none of them knew about each other & none of them knew about me.? I think I know the answer but would like feedback. I'm thinking I'm morally obliged but I would sure enjoy the revenge I can tell you. Also do you think he slept with all of them? Finally should I out him to my family and friends who all think he's an amazing husband? Grrrrr! I want to. Amazing isn't it what someones emails turn up. All you WS out there? SNOOP, SNOOP, SNOOP, even if you are in R as we were for a year. I can't believe I didn't even try to look at his emails 4 years ago. Oh TAM, where were you??? I'm afraid there's more and I can't even absorb it right now. I wasn't even going to tell you guys about it. Last week he got a random text. This time he was 'good' and showed it to me saying he didn't know who it was from. He got one last Xmas too from some girl seeing she had seen him on the street and would like to meet him for a drink. It was very suggestive. He asked who it was but she said "Meet me and you will find out" he replied that he was married and 'married men don't do that'. Psychologists say that it isn't good when people use the third person - it's a sign they are lying. He didn't know I saw it and denied he had got a text. After he said he 'didn't want to bother me with it'. Another lie - on Xmas Eve. To get back to the random text he got last week. . . It said "Hi stranger, how are you". I said text back and see who it is. He looked SO uncomfortable but did. Later I saw that he had just said "Who". Very blunt. Last Xmas he replied "Who is it", much friendlier. I then said it was clear that he didn't want them to reply and made him write a much friendlier one. He did but got no reply. For some reason and I don't know why, I thought maybe it's a guy. Maybe he's bisexual. I got a real bad feeling. Don't ask me why. Perhaps because his sex drive is unusually high I would say. I phoned the number next day & got a voicemail. Some guy called Jason. OMG. The 2nd trickle truth I got this week was when I asked him why there were so many girls names in his phone when we met which I insisted he delete and he did. Anyway the trickle truth was that before he met me he was on a sex site i.e. where people contact each other and meet and have sex. UGH! He added he only slept with one thou gh he was on it for a few months. But then I asked "Who's Jason then, this man out of the blue. Are you bisexual?" He said that he wasn't but that he had always wanted to try it and contacted some guys on a gay site. He said he only met one but the guy was short, fat and ugly and he didn't. He said to this day he hasn't been with a man and he doesn't want to. Are you posters feeling sorry for me yet? I was SO normal before I met this evil man. happy, content, my nest egg for retirement as I don't own a home, 3 beautiful children from a previous marriage and a terrific ex-husband believe it or not. I sound like an idiot don't I. You wouldn't think I was a highly qualified professional working for a large global corporation. If only they knew. I feel so ashamed for having been such a fool. What do I do with this almighty mess. I know I have to get tested for EVERYTHING but too scared to go right now. My boss is away and I'm in charge of the whole damn division for the next 3 weeks which is so stressful in itself. Help! PS Maybe I should send this post to all his 'lady friends'.!!!!!! PPS Snoopers extraordinaire, help. How do I find out who Jason is? All I have is a cell phone number. PPPS Is there ANY way I can get the truth out of him? And the last thing I have to edit and add because I wasn't going to mention it is the piece de resistancei. I had breast cancer a few years ago. WS couldn't have been kinder. I got a good prognosis but have to have check-ups every 6 months. I've got one coming up soon , oncologist and breast surgeon and I always get terrified. Mind you WS was wholly reliant on me at that time. He didn't have even $1 dollar to his name. That's why I think when all this came out perhaps I was afraid to be on my own in case the cancer came back and I didn't do the TAM thing. All my life I have been so independent and self-reliant. I had to be. It's so unlike me to be at the mercy of someone like him. | |||
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