| Hello If you're curious about my complete story you may read my past posts. It has been a long time since I've posted. Things have been very good for a while now (as good as we'll get I believe) but i can't understand what happened last night and I'm trying to. My wife has a habit of if she gets frustrated at something (usually the kids) she will take the first chance she sees to put it on me or take it out on me. Something that would be obvious if you were watching the situation unfold but something she vehemently denies. Last night my daughter was being very difficult as I put her to bed, so my wife had to go talk to her, which made her mad. Since she was doing that I went to go clean up my guitar equipment from the living room (I am an instructor) and then I had to head out to a rehearsal (professional musician also) all of this had been agreed upon and was clear earlier in the day. I accidentally (and not very hard) banged my amp against the wall that is shared with my daughters room (who is 6 by the way and doesn't have the touchiness of a baby when going to sleep or anything) when I was putting it away, she comes stomping out quite angry and goes "what the ****?!" and "I said what?" not realizing I'd made that much noise. I responded "I always clean my stuff up before I head out and after the girls are asleep" she says "No **** dip**** the issue isn't you cleaning up it's that you're making so much noise." At this point i got very nervous because her anger is very intimidating and frightening to me and in the past it's escalated really badly so, yeah I get nervous. She is still struggling with my past porn use and says she will never ever trust me, i mention that now to put this next part into context. She then says "Why are you acting that way? it makes me think you aren't being honest about what's going on so i'm just going to assume that instead of going to a rehearsal you've been going to sleep with someone else!" she then says "make sure to get off, tell her i said hi!" and goes to the bedroom. I go to rehearsal and then went to bed when I got home. Whenever she has acted like that in the past for last 6-8 months she almost always apologizes right away i was expecting a phone call while i was in transit or at the rehearsal or at least a text. I got nothing and this morning i tried to apologize for making so much noise while cleaning up and for acting nervous. She said well it just proves i can't trust you... On the one hand, I can't ask her to trust me, that is completely unfair I feel. I think that needs to be earned. I am sorry for the long story here but i wonder if i even have the right to be offended or hurt here at all? I am the one that used porn and chatted and did all that stuff that damaged us. However at what point should my progress be recognized? I haven't looked at porn or anything sexually stimulating since 2009 and haven't masturbated since 2010, and considering we've had sex twice this year I think i'm doing a good job reigning myself in..... furthermore never once since i met my wife in 2004 have I had any inappropriate contact with another person. The most ever is a hug from a friend and even that was while she was there. So the allegation is extra hurtful to me since I have never ever done anything like that. Am I out of line having my feelings hurt here? Thanks for listening. | |||
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