| Hey, I know it's been quite a while since I've been here, but I thought I'd come back to update. A LOT has happened in the past couple of months... I think when I was here last, there was talk of hubby and I taking our daughter to CO to visit his family. I kept trying and trying and trying to get him to commit to a plan, but he always had excuses not to go. Then one day, we came home and my dog, Buddy, could barely walk. Long story short, we suspect he'd fallen down the stairs and had several fractures in his spine. At 12 years of age, I had to say goodbye to him. He was "put to sleep" August 2nd. :( My husband always hated Buddy for some reason, and from the beginning there was some suspicion as to whether my husband may have "contributed" to the accident. I don't want to think he could have done that, but 12 days later I discovered my other dog, S80, dead in her kennel. She was my best friend and soulmate... I couldn't believe it. Now, there were really suspicions of foul play, but unfortunately it is just suspicion. About a week after the 2nd death, my husband announced he wanted to "f*** someone else" because I was grieving, getting over a UTI and the monthly visitor. Yup, all at the same time. He was really understanding... Not. He told me repeatedly to get out, leave, "find someone else". I left, feeling like I wasn't even welcome in my own home anymore. I spent about a week at my sister's house and it just so happens that my brother was coming in from CA to drop off his son to our sister because he's going away for training for two months. It was a spontaneous decision, but I went back to CA with my brother. My daughter is still staying with my mom, and the moment I left, it seemed like my husband was planning to take our daughter to CO after all... And alone. My step-dad offered to go with him, and his family apparently didn't like that idea very much. My dad was even going to pay for the rental care and everything! Remember, this was my idea to begin with! He became very hostile and bitter and unable to have a cordial conversation about anything. He blew me off for weeks and refused to speak to me. I wrote my mother-in-law several emails, to which she did not respond, which increased my suspicions of a potential abduction. Finally, I stopped being "nice" and told her I was really upset that no one had even ASKED me or spoke with me about the trip. In fact, my husband's exact and only words were, "I'm taking her (our daughter) whether you like it or not." I felt that was quite threatening and sent my mother a Power of Attorney. MIL eventually called the trip off, even though I did tell her I gave my blessings if my step-dad went. My husband has not spent much time with our daughter, doesn't know her routines, nada. I also felt it would be best that someone our daughter is familiar with go because she is very clingy at the moment... Ever since then, I been so stressed out. My husband has been telling every one all kinds of BS, and for the most part, I have kept my mouth shut. I am a little stuck here in San Diego until my brother returns from training. I only left to help pack up his apartment while he's gone. (He's in the Coast Guard, so he'll literally be on a boat for two months). I am not very familiar with the area here, I do not have a car or friends/family here. My step-dad is supposed to come up in a week or two to bring my dog, Poo, here to stay with me, but now I'm worried that maybe I should return instead. My mom thinks the POA will help protect my daughter from a potential parental abduction, but I am not so sure. This whole thing has me so stressed out, as apparently my husband is telling everyone he wants sole custody and that I am unfit due to my back problems and PTSD, Anxiety, etc. (Small wonder that these symptoms have vastly improved since I left)! ;) Any advice on what to do next? My mother thinks I should stay at my brother's apartment and try to enjoy my "vacation". She says that my husband has been visiting his daughter regularly since I left. (Why he couldn't do that when I lived with him, I'll never understand). I suspect he's trying to build a case to somehow say I prevented him from seeing her, which is the furthest thing from the truth. Several times my mom brought our daughter to our home to visit and on at least two occasions, he would not leave the house to come see her. I was using the VAR, admissible or not, before I left. I am documenting all of my attempts to communicate with him, his refusals, etc. I'm very vulnerable right now. I know I cannot stay with my sister or my mom if I return and I've been contemplating trying to again work on my marriage with my husband and attempt to reunite our family. I am actually feeling encouragement that he has been visiting our daughter now... His refusals and excuses disturbed me badly while I was living with him. MIL insists he loves me "so much" and that he's been in tears over me leaving. I don't buy that... Further, I am thinking I prefer being without him right now. I would be lying if I said I didn't want him to open up to me and tell me how he really feels... But I guess in the end it doesn't really matter. He's never going to be "nice" to me and stop the verbal abuse. We've agreed to divorce, but he refuses to sign the divorce papers we obtained so long ago. He insists he wants to get his own... And he's taking his sweet time doing it. If it's to be done, I'd prefer to just get it over and done with as soon as possible. So, here are some questions: How do the courts determine custody? I would never, ever keep my daughter from him, but I would have some concerns about her staying with him overnights because of his drinking. (He drinks every single day). What should I do if he tries to claim I am unfit? He says he will subpoena my counseling records to show I am "emotionally disturbed". My only diagnosis's are Anxiety, PTSD and Sensory Processing Disorder. Some of which can affect my mood... Usually only around him, lol. I am afraid of all the mud-slinging that might happen as a result... And I am deeply afraid of him getting sole custody, especially since he has a job, a home, a car, etc. :/ Any words of advice would be much appreciated... I am terrified. :( Posted via Mobile Device | |||
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