| This post is going to be fairly long so PLEASE take EVERYTHING into consideration when responding. We've all had horrible dating experiences, that's how we learn what we learn our own list of dos and don'ts. I met this guy last December and we hit it off. We're both within the average age range of Undergrad college students so fairly young I will say. The main thing I liked about him was he was like the live in the moment type person. When I'm in a relationship, especially a fairly new one I hate to make plans for months ahead, I guess you could say I'm a pessimist when it comes to relationships, well I was. I liked that he wasn't looking for the love of his life or someone to fall head over heals in love with. We finally hung out in January, we had sex fairly quickly and it was my first time. Since we had sex I thought that was it, I didn't think we were going to go any further but to my surprise he wanted to. He picked me up all except one weekend from the months of January-April. Never EVER complained, came rain or snow. I met his mom and sisters before we started dating and we really hit it off, we officially started dating that weekend. I was really afraid on how that would go because he's white and I'm black, sad I know but you never know how people are, needless to say I love his family and whenever he thought he would end up moving back home (3 hours away) his mom would contact me to ensure that I would be moving with him. When I met his dad it wasn't under the best circumstances but again we hit it off. Family is really important to both of us, soon he'll be the first guy I've brought to meet my family. Our relationship got kinda slow once I was done with school though because I had to move back home which wasn't the best decision I could make. When Im home with my mother I kind of revert back to when I was a kid. My mom is really religious and she also got really hurt by my dad so she's against dating and raised me and my sisters to with the whole independent woman mindset, which is good in some instances. My family also isn't very affectionate towards each other, we didn't get told they loved us or get hugs from our parents when we were children. We never doubted their love though so being in a relationship with a person who is the opposite was hard. I thought he understood when I told him that I wasn't really affectionate or intimate but I guess he didn't understand the magnitude. Being home really stressed me out and I guess I was depressed of sorts. I couldn't sleep. eat. I wasn't happy at all and I wasn't me. I was ALWAYS really happy to see him but I never really showed him that I can say honestly. After I went without seeing him for 2 weeks once we finally did hang out things felt weird. Intuition is a bitch because luckily for me he'd just gotten his company phone and left his old phone at home with me when he went to work. She texted him first saying she was just thinking about him blah blah blah. Some flirty dialogue then she sends him a picture he didn't ask which he then, stupidly sends to his email. I find two more pictures of her topless. I had every intention of talking to him about them when he got home but I couldn't before he broke down of sorts (he even cried) and told me he loved me. He said he felt like we were just friends having sex and that I don't really care about him, I only see him because it's convenient for me. That hurt me he felt that way because I do really love him I just didn't know how to show it. I never knew what's ok and what's not. But I do love this guy and I knew I needed to at least try, now I hug and kiss him every time I get the chance. I guess I thought sex was enough. So needless to say that day I dismissed the whole pictures thing and I stayed at his house that whole week to make sure we were fine, I didn't care about making my mom happy anymore. I looked in his new phone the next day and he told his ex that she couldn't send him pictures anymore and they couldn't talk as often stuff like that and she got upset.He told her that he only wanted to be friendly(he doesnt know I saw those and she has a bf too). He must have forgotten about the pictures and texts though because last week he let me use the old phone cause mine was being stupid and then I decided to ask him about them. He apologized over and over and told me he only talked to her because he wanted the attention she showed him and that he deleted(which actually means unstarred) the pictures the day he told me he loved me and he hasn't felt the want/need to talk to her since. I told him I don't know how long you've know her or how important maintaining a friendship with her is to you. I don't know how you guys ended your relationship but it seems like you MIGHT have a soft spot for her and she probably knows that. I would never ask or tell you to stop talking to her because that would get us no where. She likes you, you knows she likes you so she will probably always hit on you and flirt with you which is something I'll always be suspicious of. So if I even suspect there is something going on I'm walking away. I also told him to not stop talking to her because he thinks that'll make me happy, to do what makes him happy also. I don't want him by force, I want him by choice and apparently he chose to tell her he didn't want to talk to her anymore, but she was upset again and she mocked our relationship like well if you're so in love why didn't you delete them (BITCH lol), I told my bf that he shouldn't have showed me that but he couldn't complain because he was a apart of the situation and he dated her at one point(low blow I know). I just don't understand that. He's trying to make his relationship work and here she comes. My problem now is I feel like she won't stop talking to him, and I REALLY REALLY want to tell her bf what's going on but that wouldn't help my relationship just ruin hers. Then I'd be no better than her and I'd feel really guilty. I guess I just really wanted peoples feedback that don't really know me. Like I said before a lot of what he said about me what true but do guys really operate like that(sexist I know)? Could that really be the only reason he was talking to her? Then how to deal with her? I really want his familys insight on the situation but I don't want them to like confront him about it or anything so I doubt I'm going to bring it up but yeah. If anybody has anything else like advice PLEASE feel FREE to give anything. | |||
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