| This month we will celebrate our  ... Some of our story here.... (I tried to not be long winded, but I failed!  )It seems every memory I have, a movie watched, where I've been, a song taking me back in time.....HE was right there beside me...and life has been SO GOOD.....For us, our most difficult times were BEFORE WE MET ... I'll start backwards ...Our valleys after the vows...  1) 6 + years of Secondary Infertility (many tests, pokes, clomid, tears on his chest, a surgery, a near Invitro attempt).... I was SO worried we'd never realize the children I had dancing in my head/ running in the yard laughing, building castles & rivers in the sandbox Daddy built... racing Power wheels.... family vacations to Disney fighting over which rides to run to.... some of that sweet CHAOS...dirty diapers & cute mouthy brats...  ....It was MY dream (call me CRAZY, that's OK!)....Thankfully we had our 1st son to love & dote on ....so many JOYS amidst our struggle to give him those annoying siblings (it's something I never had & wanted so badly for him!)...   2) It started during that time... my husband feeling I didn't love him AS MUCH cause  was not on my brain as often as it was HIS ...and "TIMING" it wasn't helping matters...I surely had my bad days of being testy & temperamental during those yrs...He tried to bury his want, sometimes he just waited for some playful cue from me...(might be 5-6 days)....I was not understanding the needs / antsy cravings of the male sex drive.....I read plenty of books on the  meeting the egg - but never picked 1 up on "How to please a MAN" >> where was Dr Laura when I needed her...the whole Care & Proper feeding of our Husbands !! ......But he loved me through that...So much I didn't even know he was suffering! ...We went on to have 5 more children... I felt the heavens opened unto us ...we both wrapped ourselves up in enjoying them... Though one of the dumbest things I've ever done as a wife is put our babies in bed with us!  and He LET ME! ...Our bedroom was "Grand central station", doors always opened, kids crashed on the floor......He never complained.... Both of us needed shaked !  He needed to > assert himself > TAKE ME! > tell me what for > that he loved his kids but he wanted his wife! I was never LD, always initiated, no Pleasure given us can compare with getting LOST in each other like that...... I look back & think "Who the hell was that woman?" that I wasn't jumping to do it more so - from my own end. 3) I could mention my Mid Life Crisis here...I didn't want to climb Mt Everest, Run for office, Sky dive or try Bungy jumping, no college courses was on my mind, or taking up Gardening.... After making a Movie Maker Video of just him & I and all our yrs together...adding this mushy Love song > This I Promise You .... ....When I played this thing back....those words....  the emotions took me my STORM...our lives are just a vapor...how fast these yrs have flown...I wanted to reach in that screen & grab that HOT young man & re-live every blessid moment... I realized suddenly how we were neglecting US...we were too busy playing "FAMILY"... Suddenly HE became my Dopamine RUSH... I couldn't get enough....he couldn't keep up! I started questioning his desire ....this was a bit tormenting for me....I was ANTSY...the tables were turned on their head here..... But as we always Do...hand in hand we waded through this together...joined TAM during that craziness....I was reading so much about  , spicing, Lover styles, Testosterone/Hormones...I thought I could offer some advice here & distract myself from attacking him 3 times a day... Again he proved he is my Hero...in how he handled me / loved me through this phase as well.... | |||
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