| My wife and I have been married now almost two years after dating for two years. Our relationship has had bumps in the road in the past but this issue has really driven a spike between us. My wife has other male friends who are mostly old acquaintances from the past where they just kept in touch. Some of them are a little flirty every now and then but they are out of state and she has zero interest in them. The past: About a year ago my wife was contacted by some random guy in our town about a potential job gig. The job ended up falling through and he ended up staying in contact with her. I found this out by one day being home alone. I was relaxing and thought I could be helpful and plug her tablet in for her. When I opened the cover up to wiggle the connection together I saw hundreds of texts. All the texts at the time seemed to be him hitting on her and complimenting her and asking how she is doing. She sent him pictures though and he sent her some compliments back. I didn't want to spy so I plugged it in and walked away from it. Eventually I sat down to talk to her about it and she said it's nothing, they are just chat friends and he's married the pictures were just goofing around. Sometimes he gets flirty but she ignores him at that point or changes the subject. Later after our talk she told me she felt hurt I asked her about it and I felt terrible for bringing it up. She would need a while to love me again because she felt I had a lack of trust. She also mentioned divorce potential if I continue it. Eventually everything went back to normal for a while... Present time: Recently he started to communicate with her again. She was openly messaging him now not through text but through Facebook IM. I saw her chatting with him one day and asked what's up. She ignored the question and continued to talk to him. The next day after that she was with me and her phone pops up with the Facebook message of "I want to see a picture of you in this workout outfit" which she was currently wearing. I immediately questioned it with her and she assured me that it was nothing, she said he asked about her day and she mentioned she was lounging around in the outfit, I'm the only one for her etc. I swallowed hard and held my tongue. I sent the other guy in this situation a message stating I am fine if he talks to my wife but I ask he not hit on her and be disrespectful. He replied back that it wouldn't be a problem. That night I was helping her with some office work down in the den. I went to finish up some stuff around the house. When I came back in she quickly closed a video chat she was running with him on the other end. I just caught a split second of it before it closed. I didn't say anything because I really wasn't sure what I saw. I went to bed that night questioning again. The next day things were going normal. It was another day off work for me so I was relaxing again. The tablet was laying out open on the couch where she left it and started going off again. Message after message was popping up from Facebook. They were talking about a medical problem this other man has and she was very interested in the situation like all medical things. He also sent her a copy of the message I sent him where she replied back on how it was awkward. They also began discussing times they could video chat again when I am not around. Hours later the tablet started going off for him calling to do a video chat session. My heart at this point is in ruins… he tells her she has a nice smile and she likes the complement. I am not sure what is going on. She video chatted with him for about 30min then finally text me back that she was going to be late home from traffic. When she got home I mentioned the tablet going off with the video chat, and I saw her close it the previous night. She said it's nothing and to ignore it, she video chats with everyone (She doesn't, she used it once with her mother) and they were secretive about it because she knew I would get mad. I asked her if there is something wrong in the relationship or me she needed to talk to someone about. I asked and was looking inwardly if there was something she was seeking attention for. She brought up she's not cheating on me and don't worry about it. The next night she keeps saying randomly how I don't love her or trust her. I keep telling her I do love her and I didn't trust the situation or that guy. I then told her how I felt about it and this behavior was really not like herself. She went quiet. Right before bed that night she poked again saying I don't love her and don't trust her. I tried to defend myself again. She changed the subject to the problems she has with me. She said she doesn't feel for me, I don't listen, I am too concerned about money and make her feel guilty (we just bought a house and were deep in debt), and she kept saying my actions remind her of her ex-husband who beat her, and cheated on her and spent all the funds on alcohol. She also said I am controlling who she can and can't be friends with and dropped the possibility of a divorce. I said I love her, I want things to work and apologized. Early next morning on my way to work I picked up some flowers for her and left them outside her work as she opens shop. She sent me a message later that day saying how the flowers completely screwed up her morning, it's wrong to give flowers to someone that currently hates you, and things are not working out so she's going to move into the guest room. Now: I am now feeling lost and extremely hurt. Everything I try to do makes things worse. She has no love for me at this time and if I try to talk to her I continue to push her away. I feel like multiple points in the relationship whenever I bring something like this up to her I get slammed with other problems and I always feel like the bad guy. I'm feeling it's not even about this other guy anymore. It's about us falling out of love with each other and this is just a catalyst of being not happy. It's slowly starting to feel like it's not worth fighting for. Was I completely wrong in this situation? Should I just be quiet? :confused: I been reading No more mr nice guy a bit, and I have been a "nice guy" this whole relationship. :( | |||
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