Recovery

I got an idea while reading the Reconciliation thread in CWI to start a similar thread here for those that are in recovery. It seems like there are a quite a few of us, and I thought it might be helpful to have a place where we can share our triumphs and struggles and get support from others who are there now or have been there in the not too distant past. I hesitate to make "rules" for the thread since we are really good at breaking them :). But try to be respectful, supportive, gentle and more along the lines of sharing our experience, strength and hope than strictly advice. This is for both sides, the alcoholic or addict and the spouses or family members. We have lots to learn from each other :D I guess I will go first since I started the thread :) I just finished my 12th Step! This is pretty amazing to me considering where I was not very long ago. I walked into my first Alanon meeting April 1st of last year (what a April Fools joke :)) scared, royally pissed off and totally broken. I think I cried the whole meeting for the first month. A few things kept me coming back - one, my son loved going to the child care and begged to go back (I couldn't disappoint him :)). Two, the woman who eventually became my sponsor was running the newcomers meeting and her husband had just had a relapse. I couldn't believe how together and sure of herself she was in the midst of crisis. I wanted that. Three, there was a man sitting next to me, a big, burly biker dude and double winner who gently touched my hand after I shared and was bawling my eyes out and told me he was so sorry that I was going through all this and it would get better. It really meant something to me that this tough guy could be so gentle and caring. It spoke to me about the program. It gave me hope for my H. Looking back at it today, I see very clearly how God was working in my life. I have changed so much. Today when I look at myself in the mirror I see a strong, smart, beautiful woman who is capable of so much. I love myself for who I truly am and am willing to be myself. I can state my feelings and desires without thinking the world is going to end if I do. I see more positives than negatives and even when I'm in a giant pile of horse sh!t I can say at least I'm not in a pile of elephant sh!t :D. I see opportunity in the midst of crisis. I can let go of results, control and anxiety. I believe my higher power will lead me and am willing to let that happen. I understand myself and my reactions better. I am grateful for what I do have instead of focusing on what I don't. I am ok not being perfect. I am worthy of love and the life I want and I am capable of making that possible. Life is not all unicorns and rainbows, but I'm making it through. It never will be "perfect", but I love knowing how much I can learn in the crap as long as I have the willingness to do so. ((((HUGS)))) to all of you :)

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