Best custody arrangement?

My ex and I have been divorced for over 2 years and have had shared custody of our kids for almost 3. The kids are now 8 and 5. We have been doing one week at my house, then one week at his and so forth. We are both remarried now and the 4 of us get along fairly well (although my ex does tend to be a bit passive aggressive and manipulative). The problem we are having is twofold. First of all, our oldest is getting more involved in school activities and sports and it's becoming difficult to arrange activities that we can each, on our respective weeks, fit into our schedules. For example, his soccer practice starts at 4pm which my H can do on our weeks but my ex can't manage on his weeks. If he finds something, it's the opposite problem for us and so on. Also, trying to remember to send uniforms, soccer balls, etc back and forth each week is tough. Something is always getting lost or forgotten at either house. The youngest is adopted and has some developmental issues. He doesn't handle change well and we are concerned that the constant back and forth is really not good for him. Plus he really needs consistent discipline which is hard with 2 households. We try to coordinate and communicate but it's not the same. My H and I are thinking about pushing for full custody, with maybe every other weekend visitations for my ex, but I'm sure my ex will fight it and it will ruin the decent, if sometimes a little strained, relationship that we have now. And the judge might just leave things the way they are or god forbid, grant my ex custody instead. Either way, it starts an all out war, puts the kids through the turmoil, etc. Any advice? What do other people do for custody arrangements? Any creative schedules we should consider? Should we just suck it up and figure it out? We would do that except that we are really concerned about the younger child's well being and are skeptical that the constant scheduling issues are going to allow us to continue our decent relationship. It's starting to become a power struggle between the two sides.

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