| Has anyone else dealt with this while they are separated? -- not legally separated, he just lives in his own apartment where all of his mail goes there and his id states that is where he lives. All of his belongings are here in the family home. He is about to lose his job in eactly 6 weeks, no ifs and or buts about it. Once he is laid off he will receive 2 1/2 months worth of pay. He has 401Ks and things like that but, I do not know if they will ask him to roll them over into a bank or something on his own. I know that is what I had to do when I stopped working for my previous company. We have a home loan that is just in his name. We bought the house about a week before our daughter was born. So, we have lived together in the home as a married family for over 13 years. At the time I had crappy credit so the house went into his name only. Now I have no problem with trying to help pay the mortgage with what little I make, but I am only willing to do that if he is willing to work on our marriage. Otherwise, what's the use in putting out effort on something that is going to be lost any way. We discussed trying to refinance to get the loan payment lowerd if we could. I am kind of doubting that is going to happen because he has had this option for months now and hasn't bothered to even call anyone for information. And he knows that I am only willing to help out if he is willing to work on the marriage and he isn't willing to make any kind of decisions so I am thinking this isn't going to happen one way or another. Even if he was able to refinance, how much am I actually responsible for? I was told by a couple of differnt people that even though my name is not on the house that I am responsible for the house just as much as he is because there is no legal documents stating we are separated. He has been paying the majority of both sets of household bills since January 1 thus making it seem like he wants to be in the marriage. I am okay with being half responsible. I lose out - he loses out. I gain - he gains. The same was said to me about his apartment. If he isn't able to make the payment, they have every right to come after me and ask me to pay it. And as with the house payment, the only way I can get out of it would be to pay to go to court and fight and say He doens't want to be in the marriage so make him pay. I don't have the time or the energy to spend fighting all of this stuff. He has stated to me on a number of ocassions that his apartment is not as important to him as the house is. If the house is that important, then why hasn't he tried to make saving the house a priority? My father in laws girlfriend told me that he told her that his house is extremely important to him and that he would never allow for me and our daughter to be without a roof over our heads. So if this is true -- why not decide to come home and lessen the burden of everything? So, now this brings me to the personal loan question. My father in law has a business. The business partner didn't pay 5 months worth of rent on the building. Now my father in law needs 30,000 in order to pay the rent. The solution is for my husband to cosign on a loan - most of the banks I have talked to in my area are telling me that they want collateral - a house in this case due to the amount of the loan. Bet you can't guess which house they are wanting to use as we are the only ones that own a house at the moment. If the marriage is 50 /50 responsibility - am I responsible for this loan if it doesn't get paid? My name wouldn't be on the loan. It wouldn't be on the mortgage. It wouldn't be on anything at all. How is this part different when I have been told by a great number of people that even with my name not on the house I am entitled to 50 % of the home, etc. In a 50 / 50 state, how is it fair to one person in the relationship to be held 100% responsible for the debt, but the second person get 50% of the profits? Doesn't this work the same as with credit card debt that people rack up while they are separated? I keep asking myself What bank in their right mind is going to approve my husband as a cosigner for this kind of loan when he is paying out two households, can barely afford to feed himself - or so he says, and isn't going to have a job? My gut feeling tells me that they are planning to do something sneaky and not tell the bank everything. I don't wany any part of their underhanded dealings. This is why I am need answers. I tried to contact a couple of lawyers yesterday, but being Friday afternoon when I found out about this there was no one in their offices. I would not have any problem with any of this is if I knew that my husband was going to be returning home -- it's part of being married, etc. But how can I feel good about any of this when I know there is going to be no money, a divorce or a separation or go come back home decision needs to be decided upon -- and paid for, and a whole pile of other legal bills needs to be taken care of to keep him out of jail. He is paying back the courts on a domestic violence charge and he has to pay his probation offices and pay for his classes - which he has about 4 more month to deal with paying for. How in their right mind is a bank going to give him any of these kinds of loans he is looking at? I am so confused. The added stress of the not knowing what he is going to do as far as our relationship is the killing me not so gently part because I don't know how to handle all of this financial stuff without being able to discuss it with him and know that we are on the same page, different pages etc. If we are both in then it's easier to deal with. If he is out, then he needs to let go so that he can figure out on his own how he is going to pay for everything including child support without the job, etc. and not have me as a back up plan. Anyone have some advice for me? We have been separated for 9 1/2 months. Three of which were court ordered. After that he just decided he was too afraid to come back home and won't admit to either wanting to really work on coming home or not. So, after 9 1/2 months of indecisiveness I am saying the answer is not. He says I can't say that because he has never fully said he doesn't want to come back. He just says he is too afraid to come home and doesn't feel like he can. He hasn't said yes to coming home so doesn't that make the answer no? Help? I want to have hope -- I have seen progress in our relationship, but it seems one step forward three or four backward. | |||
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