| Hi, I'm hoping to get some advice as I don't feel I can speak to anyone I know about this. I have been with my gf for 8+ years, we have a 3 year old together. I've thought for a long time that our relationship wasn't perfect, but we rarely fight and are nice to each other, maybe just lacking some affection? I don't know how relevant this is, but 1 month ago, we lost a pregnancy quite early on (5 weeks), this has been difficult for my gf, but shes seems OK. going back a bit now, 4 months ago, a girl started at her work, she is a lesbian and was in her own relationship. My gf told me bits about her, no more than anyone else she's talked about. I had no concerns or suspicions. I then started to notice that she was texting loads, I wasn't certain to whom, but I'm not normally the jealous type so I didn't mention it. That increased following the miscarriage, but again, I thought if shes talking thing through with friends, that's probably good. To get to the point, we went for a meal with my family, I innocently asked to borrow her phone as I had no signal and she got it out. she had a msg, so she read it and passed me the phone. however the msg was still on the screen, at a glance I read a msg from earlier that day (from my gf) that read something like 'I'll save the new bra for our date. x x x' I wanted to puke. I felt so ill like every drop of blood had left my body. Naturally I couldn't act normally so I said I was feeling really ill and needed air, my mum said I looked terrible and to get home, so my gf and I left. When we got back I confronted her. she played it down for an hour saying it was a jokey msg and I didn't know the context etc. after 2 hours she admitted it was flirty and that she like the attention from this other girl. I asked her if she was falling for her and she said she didn't know but promised nothing physical had happened. I think I believe that part. She promised that she hadn't deleted any msgs and let me read them, there were sooo many. Nothing outright sexual, but lots of 'you're beautiful' etc after about another hour I asked if she wanted to stay with me or be with her, she said she didn't know, I said I'd give her some space an went upstairs. Something uncontrollable made me go straight back down and I found she was texting this other woman. The msg explained I'd seen the msgs and that I'd accused her of an affair. there was a text straight back but I never got to see it before it was deleted. So I freaked out, I said that normally when people get caught they either say 'i'm so sorry, I was stupid and I'll fix it' or I want to break up. she just kept saying she didn't know. the next day, she woke up and came down (I stayed on the sofa). she said she couldn't believe what she's said and was sorry. she said she loves me and doesn't want anyone else. its 2 days later, I'm a wreck. I cant stand up without feeling sick and I can't get this out of my head. She said shes going to tell this person she cant see her anymore, but they work together. surely those feelings can't just go away? and working alongside her will just re-ignite them? I told her it's OK if she's gay, i said that I'd support her if thats how she felt but she says shes 100% straight and it was just the attention and that her hormones were all over the place etc. Please tell me if I'm being taken for a ride? This is not normal is it? Please can someone give me some advice. I now feel that it's worse she had to think whether she wanted me or someone she was flirting with. Is she saying she wants to be with me while she figures out if theres something with the other person? oh should I give her time? its driving me crazy. I also feel that its worse she was so emotionally attached without a physical relationship? Is that crazy to think? She also said that it wasn't the person, that it was the attention she liked. Does that mean if someone else shows her attention, the same thing will happen? Male or female? Basically anyone in the world but me? I know how pathetic this sounds, but that's how it feels. P.S. For the record she said today that I'd been super supportive throughout the miscarriage and that it wasn't my lack of support that caused this | |||
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