Hi guys,
I am newly married (2 years) and I am experiencing already some problems. I would like to have both female and male point of views.
Lately I have noticed that I took the role of leader in our relationship, organizing everything that we do, from social life to married life. He is more a follower and never says no to what I propose, which is great, but I start to be a bit tired of being the leader and I am becoming extremely lazy too because I don't like a lot the activities that the city where we are living in now proposes.
So, the problem that I am experiencing is that we do not do anything together and sex is becoming more a planned activity or a "duty". I also know he watches sometimes porn, but I am not worried too much about it because it is not an addiction.
About the activities that we can do together I was thinking to plan and integrate 30 mins of walk together during the weekend and see how it goes. Then start from there and try to build a connection between us (since we're totally disconnected imho). Once we start to have fun together it should be easier to plan more activities to do together (I think).
But about the sex I don't know how to solve it. We both work and we are very tired during the week, plus I admit I have high standards of personal hygiene and I am absolutely disgusted just thinking to put something smelly in my mouth or being touched if he doesn't wash his hands (especially because we have a cat, and I already got so many infections for this reason).
My husband doesn't fully get that I guess, he rarely has showers, he never washes his hands (except when he knows it's sex time... Of course sigh) and he says "well but we can just have sex.. Without oral sex or without touching". But how can I warm up? It's not that magically I'm going to be wet lol and I come pretty much just with oral sex :( what's the point of having sex if I do not enjoy it? I'll start to want less and less sex because it is not going to be pleasant for me (and it happened to me before, I don't wanna go there!)
I also understand that it takes a long time for me to warm up, and I rarely take initiative physically, I am able to express my desire only verbally which sounds more like an imposition or a duty. But I do not know how else I can do it, because I'm not going to have sex with him if he hasn't had a shower in 3 days (ew!) so even if I want to initiate something physically, the magic is going to be broken by the fact that he needs a shower or wash his hands lol
So in the end, we have sex once a week but it feels more like something that we have to do instead of something that we really enjoy. Every time that he takes a shower I know it's sex time. I find it a bit sad.
And I do not know how to solve this problem.
Any ideas or experiences on the matter?
I am newly married (2 years) and I am experiencing already some problems. I would like to have both female and male point of views.
Lately I have noticed that I took the role of leader in our relationship, organizing everything that we do, from social life to married life. He is more a follower and never says no to what I propose, which is great, but I start to be a bit tired of being the leader and I am becoming extremely lazy too because I don't like a lot the activities that the city where we are living in now proposes.
So, the problem that I am experiencing is that we do not do anything together and sex is becoming more a planned activity or a "duty". I also know he watches sometimes porn, but I am not worried too much about it because it is not an addiction.
About the activities that we can do together I was thinking to plan and integrate 30 mins of walk together during the weekend and see how it goes. Then start from there and try to build a connection between us (since we're totally disconnected imho). Once we start to have fun together it should be easier to plan more activities to do together (I think).
But about the sex I don't know how to solve it. We both work and we are very tired during the week, plus I admit I have high standards of personal hygiene and I am absolutely disgusted just thinking to put something smelly in my mouth or being touched if he doesn't wash his hands (especially because we have a cat, and I already got so many infections for this reason).
My husband doesn't fully get that I guess, he rarely has showers, he never washes his hands (except when he knows it's sex time... Of course sigh) and he says "well but we can just have sex.. Without oral sex or without touching". But how can I warm up? It's not that magically I'm going to be wet lol and I come pretty much just with oral sex :( what's the point of having sex if I do not enjoy it? I'll start to want less and less sex because it is not going to be pleasant for me (and it happened to me before, I don't wanna go there!)
I also understand that it takes a long time for me to warm up, and I rarely take initiative physically, I am able to express my desire only verbally which sounds more like an imposition or a duty. But I do not know how else I can do it, because I'm not going to have sex with him if he hasn't had a shower in 3 days (ew!) so even if I want to initiate something physically, the magic is going to be broken by the fact that he needs a shower or wash his hands lol
So in the end, we have sex once a week but it feels more like something that we have to do instead of something that we really enjoy. Every time that he takes a shower I know it's sex time. I find it a bit sad.
And I do not know how to solve this problem.
Any ideas or experiences on the matter?
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