We are a young couple in our late 20's. We got married about 3years ago. We dated for several years without having sex due to religious reasons. I was very naive and just thought everything will happen naturally. After our wedding, we tried having sex. It was a difficult experience. I was a virgin, and it took practically about a week before he could go in. I was distraught and he was too, I did say some harsh words during that time that has been stuck in his head for 3yrs. He will get turned on by me but as soon as it is time for sex, he gets nervous and losses it. When things do go one ok, he barely lasts 5mins which I was grateful for. We have been having these issues on and off... We will have a long spell with no sex, then once or twice a month and another long break where he points to our first week replaying in his head.
Fast forward to this year, we have been having serious communication issues, a lot of hurtful words have been exchanged both ways. We had about 3 months of no sex(maybe 1 time in between) I tried every trick in the book, dressed sexy, only wore lingerie in the house, willing to give him anything he wanted, am petite and take care of my self. Anyway, back to the story, after 3 months he said his mind has been on a lot of things and couldn't bring himself to have sex. We had several talks and decided to start communicating better and everything has been fine, getting along for about 1.5months. In this time we have only had sex once. Two days ago I sat him down and begged him to tell me what was wrong. He went back to his experience first week married to me and he can't get it out of his head and it is 50% my fault. I got really upset because I have done everything possible to get him to forgive me and move on.
I asked him maybe he needs to see a therapist cause there is nothing I can do, he got upset and refused.
I am sorry for the long rant but divorce is not an option. I don't know what else I can do. I can't even remember what I said 3yrs ago out of anger, it may have been along the lines of he shld know what to do as a man. It had to do with him being a man or being man enough. He doesn't want a divorce either. We love each other very much but haven't had a healthy relationship. We have tried couple counselling on our communication issues but it hasn't worked. We are getting close to resenting each other. Pretty much a love/hate relationship. Please help!
Fast forward to this year, we have been having serious communication issues, a lot of hurtful words have been exchanged both ways. We had about 3 months of no sex(maybe 1 time in between) I tried every trick in the book, dressed sexy, only wore lingerie in the house, willing to give him anything he wanted, am petite and take care of my self. Anyway, back to the story, after 3 months he said his mind has been on a lot of things and couldn't bring himself to have sex. We had several talks and decided to start communicating better and everything has been fine, getting along for about 1.5months. In this time we have only had sex once. Two days ago I sat him down and begged him to tell me what was wrong. He went back to his experience first week married to me and he can't get it out of his head and it is 50% my fault. I got really upset because I have done everything possible to get him to forgive me and move on.
I asked him maybe he needs to see a therapist cause there is nothing I can do, he got upset and refused.
I am sorry for the long rant but divorce is not an option. I don't know what else I can do. I can't even remember what I said 3yrs ago out of anger, it may have been along the lines of he shld know what to do as a man. It had to do with him being a man or being man enough. He doesn't want a divorce either. We love each other very much but haven't had a healthy relationship. We have tried couple counselling on our communication issues but it hasn't worked. We are getting close to resenting each other. Pretty much a love/hate relationship. Please help!
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