Bit torn looking for advice.
Wife is former SA-WW. 5 years into R. Back in the day, she'd go to happy hours with co-workers all the time (not really affair related so she says).
My ex-assistant was my support person both prior to and after DD; about 5 years. She left the firm 2 years ago. Wife was ok with that relationship for a few years until she met her and discovered she is attractive. Then it became a problem. Strong boundaries were discussed with both ladies and put in place to keep it from sliding into an affair.
Anyway, wife has convinced herself we had probably had an affair or will have an affair.
She freaks whenever we want to get together. Yesterday the assistant contacted me to set up a time to get together and catch up. She's living with her new boyfriend, it's looking serious, and I miss our deep philosophical conversations; I want to do this. I also don't want the wife there; They don't like each other and even my wife knows our conversations always turn to relationships and self-growth stuff.
I immediately told my wife of the contact and asked her if she could deal with it. She said no. Hardly any discussion other than she doesn't trust her or me together and refuses to allow her past and what I went through be used against her.
So early in the R, I'd say f' it. Wife doesn't have any say or right to tell me what to do after what she's done. But we're pretty far along now. I do have to consider my wife. Thus I'm torn….
Do I do something I know my wife will freak about? I can argue either side and leaning toward doing it and everything I can do I know helps keep her informed; being open and transparent, checking in, and so forth. My wife will have to deal with her own emotions and worries. And I know I'm strong enough to deal with whatever possible ramifications she might come up with… I just don't look forward to it and dread having to turn it into a major confrontation.
Thoughts?
Wife is former SA-WW. 5 years into R. Back in the day, she'd go to happy hours with co-workers all the time (not really affair related so she says).
My ex-assistant was my support person both prior to and after DD; about 5 years. She left the firm 2 years ago. Wife was ok with that relationship for a few years until she met her and discovered she is attractive. Then it became a problem. Strong boundaries were discussed with both ladies and put in place to keep it from sliding into an affair.
Anyway, wife has convinced herself we had probably had an affair or will have an affair.
She freaks whenever we want to get together. Yesterday the assistant contacted me to set up a time to get together and catch up. She's living with her new boyfriend, it's looking serious, and I miss our deep philosophical conversations; I want to do this. I also don't want the wife there; They don't like each other and even my wife knows our conversations always turn to relationships and self-growth stuff.
I immediately told my wife of the contact and asked her if she could deal with it. She said no. Hardly any discussion other than she doesn't trust her or me together and refuses to allow her past and what I went through be used against her.
So early in the R, I'd say f' it. Wife doesn't have any say or right to tell me what to do after what she's done. But we're pretty far along now. I do have to consider my wife. Thus I'm torn….
Do I do something I know my wife will freak about? I can argue either side and leaning toward doing it and everything I can do I know helps keep her informed; being open and transparent, checking in, and so forth. My wife will have to deal with her own emotions and worries. And I know I'm strong enough to deal with whatever possible ramifications she might come up with… I just don't look forward to it and dread having to turn it into a major confrontation.
Thoughts?
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