I have a big thing where I just tend to blame myself for anything that ever goes wrong, in my life and around me, and it's getting to the point where I can't take much more because of how low my self-esteem is and how much other people are picking up on it.
My main issue at the moment is that my relationship of 3 years ended because of emotional cheating on his side. My ex also told me that I pushed him away a lot when I was ill with depression by saying things like he didn't love me etc, which I had always accepted and apologised deeply for once I had come out of the fog. I keep thinking that this was all my fault, that I was never good enough, and I drove him to cheat. I keep thinking it was my own inadequacies that made him, a year before, secretly join a dating website and a few months later have a really explicit conversation via email with a friend with naked photos. I keep telling myself that it was my fault he put me down for two years and compared me to other girls and made fun out of me. It was all my fault because I wasn't ever good enough and said silly things I didn't mean when I was ill as a way to stupidly test how much he cared about me.
All I keep telling myself is that I'm an emotional blackmailer and neurotic and an awful person for everything I said. All I can think about is how I deserved what happened and I deserved to be that unhappy. I wasn't given any respect in the break up, it all happened over text and he didn't respond to any questions I had or even just to pick up the phone and get closure from this. I still miss him and want to keep telling him I'm sorry for everything. I'm so pathetic.
I know it's wrong to always blame myself and it is having a massively negative impact on my mental health at the moment to the point that friends are getting irritated with me. I need to stop but I don't know how. How do you stop blaming yourself for everything? :cry:
My main issue at the moment is that my relationship of 3 years ended because of emotional cheating on his side. My ex also told me that I pushed him away a lot when I was ill with depression by saying things like he didn't love me etc, which I had always accepted and apologised deeply for once I had come out of the fog. I keep thinking that this was all my fault, that I was never good enough, and I drove him to cheat. I keep thinking it was my own inadequacies that made him, a year before, secretly join a dating website and a few months later have a really explicit conversation via email with a friend with naked photos. I keep telling myself that it was my fault he put me down for two years and compared me to other girls and made fun out of me. It was all my fault because I wasn't ever good enough and said silly things I didn't mean when I was ill as a way to stupidly test how much he cared about me.
All I keep telling myself is that I'm an emotional blackmailer and neurotic and an awful person for everything I said. All I can think about is how I deserved what happened and I deserved to be that unhappy. I wasn't given any respect in the break up, it all happened over text and he didn't respond to any questions I had or even just to pick up the phone and get closure from this. I still miss him and want to keep telling him I'm sorry for everything. I'm so pathetic.
I know it's wrong to always blame myself and it is having a massively negative impact on my mental health at the moment to the point that friends are getting irritated with me. I need to stop but I don't know how. How do you stop blaming yourself for everything? :cry:
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