Hi,
so I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now (I'm 23, he's 21), and for quite a few months now we've been having some problems with the fact our personalities clash quite a lot. I'm quite extroverted, and whilst I enjoy my own time sometimes, most of the time I want human contact. Sometimes I'm quite clingy, but I have changed my ways with him and I try to give him as much space as possible, as he's quite introverted and requires quite a lot of space.
The problem is, I think to a point he expects quite a lot more space from me. To me, it seems like he is always trying to make as minimal contact and see me as few times per week as he can easily get away with. For example, if we're meeting up, he'll always opt for the day that is furthest away (say it's monday, and I say I'm free on tuesday, wednesday and thursday, he'll pick thursday), and on the day he'll opt for the latest acceptable time or push it to being later. Quite often, he'll say 'Actually, I've had a rough day, maybe we rearrange?' no matter how long it's been since we've seen eachother. when I get annoyed, he gets annoyed about how I always get annoyed about him cancelling and never let him cancel (though he knows it's my pet peeve). He's said in the past, though, that he's very rarely in the mood to see me (or anyone), and instead he has to psyche himself up to see me so sometimes if he's in a bad mood he won't want me there, though most of the time when people do come over he says he eventually starts enjoying it. This hurt, but he said it happens even with his friends whch was comforting. The problem is that sometimes he acts distant when we're together, and he isn't talkative, when I try to make conversation he'll do one-word answers or simply won't listen.
Also, he's quite difficult to contact. He mostly ignores my texts, so I've switched to facebook. Even then, sometimes if I am not seeing him for a couple of days I may barely (if at all) hear from him those days. He seems to think we talk all the time, but we don't. We had an argument about it the other week when he ignored ALL my messages for 48 hours straight despite the fact he had clearly been online all that time and he was talking to other people. He got mad at me for it, and said I was too clingy and sometimes he 'just doesn't want to talk to me'.
Last night though, I was quite hurt by somethng he said. In the middle of a jokey conversation he said something like 'You're quite tiresome', and I jokingly got offended, at which case he usually retracts, but this time he didn't. Then I brought it up again a few times and even then he didn't really give the impression that he was joking.
Sometimes, to me, even though I know he loves me and he tells me this a lot, it feels like I can't give him all the space he needs. He refuses to accept that I may be providing him sometimes more than I'm comfortable with without allowing myself to detach from him completely, and thinks I'm the unreasonable one. Though I can't help thinking that I might be too clingy.
Any advice?
so I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now (I'm 23, he's 21), and for quite a few months now we've been having some problems with the fact our personalities clash quite a lot. I'm quite extroverted, and whilst I enjoy my own time sometimes, most of the time I want human contact. Sometimes I'm quite clingy, but I have changed my ways with him and I try to give him as much space as possible, as he's quite introverted and requires quite a lot of space.
The problem is, I think to a point he expects quite a lot more space from me. To me, it seems like he is always trying to make as minimal contact and see me as few times per week as he can easily get away with. For example, if we're meeting up, he'll always opt for the day that is furthest away (say it's monday, and I say I'm free on tuesday, wednesday and thursday, he'll pick thursday), and on the day he'll opt for the latest acceptable time or push it to being later. Quite often, he'll say 'Actually, I've had a rough day, maybe we rearrange?' no matter how long it's been since we've seen eachother. when I get annoyed, he gets annoyed about how I always get annoyed about him cancelling and never let him cancel (though he knows it's my pet peeve). He's said in the past, though, that he's very rarely in the mood to see me (or anyone), and instead he has to psyche himself up to see me so sometimes if he's in a bad mood he won't want me there, though most of the time when people do come over he says he eventually starts enjoying it. This hurt, but he said it happens even with his friends whch was comforting. The problem is that sometimes he acts distant when we're together, and he isn't talkative, when I try to make conversation he'll do one-word answers or simply won't listen.
Also, he's quite difficult to contact. He mostly ignores my texts, so I've switched to facebook. Even then, sometimes if I am not seeing him for a couple of days I may barely (if at all) hear from him those days. He seems to think we talk all the time, but we don't. We had an argument about it the other week when he ignored ALL my messages for 48 hours straight despite the fact he had clearly been online all that time and he was talking to other people. He got mad at me for it, and said I was too clingy and sometimes he 'just doesn't want to talk to me'.
Last night though, I was quite hurt by somethng he said. In the middle of a jokey conversation he said something like 'You're quite tiresome', and I jokingly got offended, at which case he usually retracts, but this time he didn't. Then I brought it up again a few times and even then he didn't really give the impression that he was joking.
Sometimes, to me, even though I know he loves me and he tells me this a lot, it feels like I can't give him all the space he needs. He refuses to accept that I may be providing him sometimes more than I'm comfortable with without allowing myself to detach from him completely, and thinks I'm the unreasonable one. Though I can't help thinking that I might be too clingy.
Any advice?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment