At age 22, whilst studying at University, I met a girl who I pretended I was in love with. A year later, we had our first child, Max, which later lead onto marriage, 2 years later. Max is now 5 years old and I'm 28, and everyone says we're the perfect family, but I'm in fact seriously depressed.
I have never admitted it to anyone, but I have no interest in girls: I don't like to say it, but I'm no straight. I just wanted to be like everyone else, and honesty couldn't bare being different. My wife has no idea, and neither do any of my family, not even my parents. I love my son so very much and make him my life and of course my career. They are the only things in life which make me happy. I close relationship with my son and we do stuff as a family every weakened.
I work from 8 – 7, Monday to Friday and often Saturdays, because simply I can't stand being at home with my wife. I'm hotel manager, for a large hotel, more of holiday resort, which keeps me occupied.
I thought that that I could handle the pressure of being with someone that not only don't love, but by no means are attracted to, but I can't. Regrettably I have cheated and I feel I may be alcoholic. I usually drink to oblivious on Fridays. I drive out to the sea front at night and just look out to sea wondering how different my life may I been if I was straight, even considered suicide at one point. Then spend the night crying and drinking wine.
I don't feel I could leave my wife, I don't have the balls, nor would I like to live a gay lifestyle as I have too much self-respect. I love the idea of my life, but I'm not happy at all. I feel so very trapped, some days even suicidal. However, sometimes I feel extremely happy and love being with my wife. My wife is very happy, even says to me how happy she is. She would tell me, "oh I don't what I would do with out you". I asked her one what she would do if one of ours children were gay, she replied with "well, as long as there happy".
I should point out that my wife is expecting 2 more boy (twins), just had 4 month scan and that we do have a "healthy" Sex life.
I have never admitted it to anyone, but I have no interest in girls: I don't like to say it, but I'm no straight. I just wanted to be like everyone else, and honesty couldn't bare being different. My wife has no idea, and neither do any of my family, not even my parents. I love my son so very much and make him my life and of course my career. They are the only things in life which make me happy. I close relationship with my son and we do stuff as a family every weakened.
I work from 8 – 7, Monday to Friday and often Saturdays, because simply I can't stand being at home with my wife. I'm hotel manager, for a large hotel, more of holiday resort, which keeps me occupied.
I thought that that I could handle the pressure of being with someone that not only don't love, but by no means are attracted to, but I can't. Regrettably I have cheated and I feel I may be alcoholic. I usually drink to oblivious on Fridays. I drive out to the sea front at night and just look out to sea wondering how different my life may I been if I was straight, even considered suicide at one point. Then spend the night crying and drinking wine.
I don't feel I could leave my wife, I don't have the balls, nor would I like to live a gay lifestyle as I have too much self-respect. I love the idea of my life, but I'm not happy at all. I feel so very trapped, some days even suicidal. However, sometimes I feel extremely happy and love being with my wife. My wife is very happy, even says to me how happy she is. She would tell me, "oh I don't what I would do with out you". I asked her one what she would do if one of ours children were gay, she replied with "well, as long as there happy".
I should point out that my wife is expecting 2 more boy (twins), just had 4 month scan and that we do have a "healthy" Sex life.
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