Wife wants separation after 24 years - Reconciliation

Brief Recap: I'm 48 years old and wife is 42. We have been married 24 years and have two sons S21 & S19. D-day was 6/9/13, We lived in same home and slept in same bed for 7 weeks. Daily talks ( no arguing except twice) helped us come to terms with things and begin progress to healing before I moved into apt on 1 yr lease 7/22/13...She turned 42, 3 days prior and it hit her hard. Youngest graduated school. We have had a year of high stress medical issues and last Nov. my oldest did a stupid thing and embezzled himself to a 1 year probation and night in jail which cost us $3 grand to help him out. Mid Life Crisis, YEARS of pent up hurt feelings, ED issues & her sexual awareness, neglect & lack of honest communication lead us to separation. I knew we had issues but I denied severity. Wife had an EA with her female BFF, but did not realize it. The BFF wanted more time, wanted to leave her hubby & move in after I was out (when W told her she was leaving) and a sexual relationship, but W was not interested. W thought BFF was just being needy. After we discussed it during a major fight on 7/4 she came to realize the true situation. She talked to BFF and ended EA and reduced their time together. Last week was first time they spent time together as friends. All warnings and rules have been placed. I was married to my job and businesses most of our time together. I was abusive at times until 2000 when she took kids and left for 2 weeks. I successfully changed with counseling and awareness, but we were both naive and did not find root of the evil. I never hit or verbally abused her or kids since. I do have anger issues though and they began to flair up again in 2010. I worked 60-70 hours a week while she went to nursing school full-time. We grew apart and never bonded back due to our selfish ways. As of this past weekend, she stated to worker who she had not seen in 6 weeks that She Has no plans to leave me, but needs time to heal and deal with her issues. I see her daily for some amount of time 99% of time. We are closer now than we have been in years. Her dilemmas are: 1) She has separated her feelings. She loves me, but NOT IN LOVE. She knows this will take time as well I do. her love for our history and new "me" will keep this from being a deal breaker. AMPS thread helped us realize that it could be a while before that part is fixed. Counseling will be done if it ever gets to point of deal breaker. Her feelings are growing continuously but it bugs her they are growing slowly. I told her she is over analyzing them and it could be hindering her recovery. 2) She is fearful that we will be down this road again. 2 week separation in 2000 & a serious discussion of separation in 2008. She had trust issues with me that she has come to defeat, She has stated pretty much all of what she wanted me to fix has been or is in progress so it now falls in her area. She started later than me because she felt I would not stay or be able to make changes enough to make her want to try to save marriage. We are both Christians with Baptist beliefs. This fact alone is why Divorce was never on the table for either of us. Once my wife understood about EA she quickly stopped that as well. We do believe God has intervened in our marriage. We believe He would not have us together this long for it to end. Therefore we did something wrong, must correct it, and get our marriage back in order with His help. She does believe He is unhappy with her since she asked for separation, but she knows He will forgive her when we are back together. Originally she was thinking 2 year separation then reduced it to 1 year about 6 weeks ago. Now she is saying Home within the year unless something goes wrong and we are in counseling. She is thinking within 9 months I will be sleeping at home most of the time. These estimates of hers change constantly as we progress. So do her rules from the beginning of separation. Most have been abolished, but a few are still in place, but those are mostly changed for the better. Anyway I hope my daily reports/ small journal helps someone and I am always willing to discuss things and read/answer your replies. I may not follow all your advice, but I do utilize what I think helps my situation out. Thanks in advance and thank you God for not allowing our marriage to fail.

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