Am I nuts for thinking there's more?

Ok. First off, yes, I'm new to this Forum. I'm not a troll, or anything of the sort. I have a REAL issue, and I'm tired of thinking about it, so I need advice. About and year and a half ago, I'd found out my husband had a female co-worker that he'd become good friends with. They take both breaks and lunch together. I had NO idea she'd existed. They would text, and he'd delete them. He'd said he was worried that I'd be upset, so he got rid of them, but that he wasn't doing anything wrong. He would call me and ask advice for 'a friend', and I'd ask who (thinking it might help if I knew), and he would grow defensive and say, "IT IS JUST A FRIEND." When he'd finally told me who this woman was, I asked to meet her. My opinion is that any woman who is friends with your spouse, should be on speaking terms with you, out of respect. Well, she had NO desire to meet me. She'd moved to Arizona, and they were still texting a bit, here and there. He would delete them again (not that I LOOKED, he TOLD me he did it). Then, on our Anniversary, I asked if he was attracted to her. He said, "Oh yeah... I'd f*** her if I were single." He didn't understand what was wrong with that statement. In his mind, he's not single, so no fuss. After a month of her being gone, he and I finally had it out to where he told her they couldn't be friends anymore. She then wrote on her FB that I'm a bi*ch, and that I caused her to lose a friend. Again... never talking to ME about this. Never even asking to talk to me, or anything. I saw his letter to her. He'd told her that it was best if they stopped speaking. Fast forward 6 months, or so, and she moves BACK. (we're in St. Louis) She moves back and immediately wants to strike up the friendship again, because she works with him again. I said, NO way. Not unless she wants to be friends with me, as well. She did NOT like that idea. Told him that when she's friends with a woman, they try to steal her man. Told him that she lost her BEST friend because of me. Mind you, they met 2 years ago when he started working there. Sorry... Best friend position is filled, thanks. Finally, and reluctantly, she said HELLO (only word she's ever said to me, EVER), then added me to FB. AFTER she spoke with my husband and asked if she should add me. She was on my FB for a few months, and when I wrote that he'd taken two days off to spend with me, she suddenly deletes me. A little back history: He's had a crush on female co-workers before. Has he cheated? I don't know. He swears he hasn't, and I believe him because our schedules are such that I see him except when he's at work. He says that he always had a 'back-up' plan of a woman 'crush' in case I left him. We've been married 20 years. This other woman has posted on her FB that she's been there for him SO many times. The thing is, he's NOT an open book. He's very quiet. He has griped about our financial woes to her, before, thus she must feel she's been there for him. I guess? Anyway... He won't stop being friends with her, and they are right back to where they started, except texting. He even asked her when she lost her virginity, all to find out how old she was when she had her first child. To me, he could have just said "Hey! How old were you when you had your first child?" but that's me. So my question is this: Do I have the right to feel jealousy? I totally feel like she's disrespecting me, AND he is. He gets angry and defensive and says he's sick of hearing about this, yet neither have really tried to make me feel any better about it. What would anyone here, do? I'm just confused. I don't have male friends that he doesn't know about, or that I've not tried to introduce him to. I don't have male friends where I don't know their spouses. I feel it's disrespectful. Any help is greatly appreciated and if there is clarification needed, don't hesitate to ask. I'm at a loss, here.

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