Which way is up?

First thread, first post, new member. I've seen a ton of advice given on this board, good, bad, and other. I am in need of the collective advice. I'm a WS who had an EA a few years ago. Through the grace of my W, we've been in R since then. I've done about everything wrong there is: gaslight, big fog, denied, TT, self protection. I seem to need a 2x4 to get most things. The only thing I did right is NC. My W is walking wounded now and is exhausted and at the end of her rope. I haven't had any support system outside of my W through the past year of R. My family is out of state and are social morons, friends are fair weather. I don't have a sounding board. I've learned that I have some passive aggressive tendencies and some dependency issues. I'm working in IC and MC to get over myself. My W is strong and independent. She's not someone you can convince her of something once she's made up her mind. She has loved me more than anyone here can know. At present, she doesn't want to love me. During R, she told me what she needed - to know that i wasn't pushing my boundaries and to know when any woman tested mine. I want to be married to this woman. I am interested in nobody else. Here's my problem. I woman flirted with me, I blew it off and I chose to not tell my wife. When it happened again, I told my wife. I then proceeded to minimize it. She didn't buy it. Now I'm on the couch and we're talking divorce. What I need help from you is, I don't know why I chose to not come clean immediately. I'm not interested in this person at all. So, am I kidding myself and I don't want to be married and doing this to sabotage our marriage?

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