When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
| I've had a lazy eye since the age of three, so I've learned to hide it rather well - mainly by avoiding eye contact. I think my lazy eye is grossly unattractive so I don't even attempt to get a girlfriend. I just want more opinions really. Do people think they are that bad? Posted from TSR Mobile | |||
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| I have social anxiety. I've noticed I have a tendency to be possibly, er, too personal in interaction. I'm quite open about all my problems on this forum really because I doubt anyone knows who I am, where I live and that. Not so in real life (although most of my good friends know such things as that I have been struggling with mental illness, my most recent relationship who wants to keep it on the DL, that I have some quite severe hang-ups about my manhood, etc.) I hear quite often that big turn-offs are a) being whiny/complaining too much and b) being over-personal (which is basically too whiny) This means I now find it pretty difficult to talk about my emotional issues in case somebody decides to label me as a 'beta phaggot' or some other dumb thing. The result is they're getting bottled up again. But there's almost a double standard I don't understand. For example my colleague was pretty shattered after Leeds and just talking about that for the whole shift (Leeds and having to come back after it). Sometimes I'll admit to being extremely tired, it's one of the symptoms of anxiety and my Dyspraxia. I have fairly frequent depressive episodes where I lose the will to go to bed and end up working exhausted the rest of the day, I want to point out this is a problem quite often but don't want to be seen as whiny. Then another day I heard them say 'I'm not tired at all, me' and then laughter(sarcasm: the implication being stfu and 'man up', I guess, though they weren't talking to me). However I'm not going around treating every random stranger as my own personal therapist! I'm not sure how to balance this. I don't like the idea of having to pretend that I'm always super-happy, always confident, no issues, handle stress with ease no matter what (like men seem to do or are told they have to by the media), never procrastinate etc,. I don't want to be a giant cloud of misery or afraid to go and talk to people of course, but I can't reasonably always be perfect, and I feel that's what I have to be to be. Could people give any tips on how to improve my conversation again? It's really gone down the train after being in a bad place for a while. | |||
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| Hello all, I'm in a bit of a situation here, assessing whether or not to ask a friend to be my girlfriend - I would've done it months ago but for the fact that we don't speak much when we haven't met up. When we meet up (weekly or fortnightly) we have a great time but in between hardly speak to eachother. In your experiences did this pick up as the relationship went on? Or should it be there from day 1 given that you both want to speak to eachother? Bearing in mind this is a girl friend of over 5 years. | |||
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| I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now and I am really losing patience with his mum. His mum's house is a tip! There are piles of clothes, random bits of junk and rotting food everywhere. The stench of stale cigarettes makes me feel ill and doesn't help my asthma. Not only this, but she stays in bed all day, doesn't work and claims benefits for an illness that was caused by her excessive smoking. The landlord is trying to sell the house, but is struggling because of the mess. You might be wondering how this is affecting me, but when my boyfriend doesn't seem to care about the mess and shouts at me for 'insulting his mum' when all I ask is that he talks to his mum about maybe cleaning up a bit. He's recently moved out into his own flat, but his mum is already trying to move in with him! Do you think I should just stay out of it? It's affecting our relationship. :confused: | |||
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| I'm not even sure where to start, this story is so long, but will try to keep it brief. I have been married for 6 years, have 2 small children. Before I met my wife, she had a 2-year affair with a married man while living in a different state, his wife never found out. Early in our relationship, while snooping, I discovered a sex tape, printed emails, love letters, and journals concerning their affair. I didn't do anything, as I didn't want to admit to snooping, and figured it all happened before I'd met her anyway, so was none of my business. A few months later, she accidentally sent me a sexual text that was meant for him, which blew everything wide open. I looked at her phone bills, and discovered she was talking to him on almost a daily basis. After months of arguing, she finally agreed to let him go. Fast forward a few months, just before I am going to propose to her - I look at her phone and see she is calling and 'sexting' him again. Naturally, I don't propose, and we go through the whole ordeal again. Promises to stop - yet again. Now fast forward three years. One child, and she leaves her email open on our computer, where I discover she started emailing him again. Again with the excuses and promise that she will truly stop this time. I told her that if it ever happens again I will divorce her, that she is hurting me, and should let this guy go. Now fast forward two more years. Yesterday I went to log onto facebook, she had not logged off, and I see that she recently AGAIN started emailing him. She claims they are simply friends, and the emails are pretty harmless, although he call her beautiful, and asks her to come see him (she is due to travel through his area soon)- to which she replies "I can't, I will have my kids with me." Not 'I just want to be friends, or don't think it would be right, etc'. So what do I do now? I told her last night I am not willing to share her with him, that even if they aren't having a physical relationship, this has been our one and only issue - that unfortunately keeps rearing its head. Please give advice! I am kind of leaning towards separating, because I can no longer trust her, and although she will most likely promise to stop contact, how can I believe her this time? | |||
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| Sorry, that was a little forward...my marriage 'so far' is a success story, in that; my husband had a sexting affair with an old flame over a year ago. Got caught, said sorry, acted sorry....did everything I asked him to do, sorry and he's even taken ownership in the underlying issues of his actions AND got counselling . SO now.... Can I go back to being "the woman who rocks his world in bed" without triggering his past? Don't laugh...I really haven't been able to be myself because I have a little voice in my head that tells me that if I act like 'her' or a 'porn star'...he will want that life back again (porn, sexting, etc) We have really good sex, but he does most of the work.. and I want to show that "I'm 'in to it'. Maybe this is a better question: when your wife pours on the heat....do you think of other women??? If not then, LATER???? | |||
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| I'm just curious about folks thoughts on this. My neighbor to me is a stand up dude. From the outside looking in he appears to be a good father and husband. My issue is with his wife. Don't get me wrong she is nice to everyone. Except him. Even in casual conversation around people she is always putting him down. She'll say things like "he never would have had a chance with her when she was younger". She berates his lack of income but he is actually doing pretty well. She makes a fraction of what he does. He also isn't allowed to go anywhere. And by anywhere I mean even a ten minute errand is disallowed. When she talks bad about him he is standing right there and doesn't even say anything. She will also talk bad about him when its just me. When this happens I point out his good qualities. Basically she sees herself as cool and him as a dork. I've invited him over to watch a ball game on numerous occasions and he seems to look forward to it but she always shuts it down. I was actually hoping to have him witness how a couple that respects one another lives. Its really bugging me, but I don't think I can really offer him much help because I'm not really close enough to him to give him this type of advice. At this point I've just resigned myself to watching him get verbally abused and taking it. You know its bad when my wife talks about it. Sorry, I just needed to vent. I don't think it would be right for me to tell him to grow a pair. It really isn't my business. But geez its so hard to see day in and day out. He's dang near 50 so I doubt he'll change anyway. | |||
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| There's this girl in my year whom I talk to. We studied together for the summer exams this year, but unfortunately she ended up failing one of the exams. When she was revising for the resit it was me whom she would ask for help (I didn't fail any of the exams, fyi). She would call and text me for help despite the fact that there are other people (in the library) that she could consult. About three weeks ago, I decided to visit her at the library (I came to college that day because I had a document to pick up). I helped her with the topics that she was struggling with, while flirting with her. She didn't mind the fact that my legs was touching her legs for a good 5 minutes. She also didn't mind me touching her legs or grabbing her hands (although she did subtly move her hands after I grabbed her hand, but she didn't say anything about it to my face). Her boyfriend appeared about three times but, at the time, I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. She didn't even refer to him as a boyfriend - she referred to him as "the guy that she likes going to lunch with". It was only when I saw her holding his hands, while I was outside talking to a fellow course-mate, that I realised. She later spoke to me as soon as she saw me, with her boyfriend beside her. We still communicate with each other. There's absolutely no awkwardness between me and her. I am not sure if she likes me or not. It seems like she is more comfortable with me than she is with most people in our course. Do you guys think she likes me? Some advice would also be dearly appreciated by me! And yes, I am a guy - just in case anyone got confused. | |||
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| My fiancé and I have been together 2yrs and recently became engaged. My finace is a police officer and last night he was working nights and I decided to go out with the girls since I hadn't had a night out with them in weeks, He ended up at a club in the area my fiancé covers and after the bar closed he was working there to clear the area and I was talking randomly to some guy that kept asking me about my best friend but was too shy to talk to her himself, My fiance came over to me and pulled me aside asking what the f**k was I playing at? and that I was acting like a sl*t, Long story short I pushed him away and we started having an argument in public, He was in uniform and was shouting back at me so his colleagues who I also know told him to calm down and walk away, They eventually calmed him down and I just walked home alone crying. The next day he came home, apologized & said that he shouldn't have acted like that but it killed him seeing me with another guy, He told me that he cant imagine his life without me and him and that without me he has absolutely nothing and kept telling me how much he loves me etc! I love him so much but I feel very cold towards him all day. How do I handle and move past this? | |||
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| I go through cycles of feeling neutral and then depressed and right now I'm in the depressed phase. I don't even know where to begin because it's taking every bit of energy I have to type right now. I just can't be bothered with anything anymore. I feel so lethargic and numb. My life is ridiculously boring at the moment with it being summer. I stay up until 1am and then sleep until 1pm. Then usually get out of bed at 3pm, sit around and eat way too much food and then I get a shower and go to bed again. It takes me literally 1-2 hours to muster up the strength to get a shower. I usually get up from my desk (I'm on my computer all the time) and go and get my towel and then I come into my room and lie down for ages because just getting the towel has tired me out. I spend all day in my room, I eat alone, etc. I only have 2 friends which I'm grateful for but we are drifting apart. I've made posts like this before when I've been down and people give advice like invite your friends out, etc. So I spent ages convincing myself to ask one of my friends if she wanted to go shopping or something. I had the Facebook message open for around 10 minutes constantly rereading it before I pressed 'send'. This is a friend I've known since I was 2. Then when she said she couldn't it literally tore me apart. She had a valid excuse but it still made me feel so crap and insecure. I'm going in to a third year of college with plans on going to university next September. I had a 'good' (more like neutral, but for me it was relatively good) week a couple of weeks ago and I ordered lots of prospectuses for universities and I applied to some part-time jobs. That time was short and fleeting, though. Now I have ~20 unopened prospectuses and a group interview on Tuesday. The trigger to this depressive phase was the job interview. I just can't do it. Initially I was considering going so I watched loads of Youtube videos on interview tips and stuff but now the thought of it has triggered my depression. I'm so anxious and shy. I don't even want the job I just need money and my parents are trying to force me to get one. I don't know what to do. I'm not comfortable with talking about how I feel to anyone. I've seen my grandfather and father suffer from depression and witnessed them crying and wishing for their life to be over. The feeling that gave me means that I will never let anyone know that I'm not okay. Before when I've felt like this I just 'took it easy'. I let myself go to college and not socialise and then come home and watch films and eat chocolate and have long baths. But everything is happening all at once at the moment. I've got christenings, weddings, dentist appointments, optician appointments, pressure to get a job, an actual scheduled interview, university applications, starting new classes not knowing anyone, etc all in the next few weeks. The idea of getting a job terrifies me. It wouldn't be so bad having a 1 to 1 interview but nowadays they're all group interviews which is my worst fear. I just feel like I'm not ready to face the World and instead I just want to stay in bed all day. Does anyone have any advice? :( | |||
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| Hello wise ones of TAM, I started lurking here early last summer as my marriage was in dire straits. Divorced later in the year. I currently am in IC with a therapist whose focus is loving and accepting myself. I am far from it. My issues are all over the place. The main ones involve: 1. someone I've been seeing since February, who is basically my BF, and 2. my exH. Some pertinent personality qualities would be unhealthy attachment, addiction to (male) attention, and uncertainty about my capacity for true love and having a LTR. The bf- he loves me. I love him, more than anyone I've ever loved. But he cannot commit to me based on how we met and my past conduct. I met him on a dating site whilst having some intentional sowing of oats. He views sex and relationships as spiritual connections. Our meeting wasn't special enough to him because he was one of three I slept with from the site. Alas, we foolishly still saw each other because we are so compatible in all the other important ways, oh let me count the ways. (I've started threads on us before, deleted one of them). The tide really turned when we went to a sex club and without his permission, I kissed another guy. I also kissed a girl, but that was instigated by him. Anyway, he really tried to break it off, but we talked endlessly about my issues because I was either ignorant or in deep denial. He finally got through, and though painful, I'm grateful for the revelations. And then the visits started again (initiated by him, in fact all pos t-breakup contact was), the overnights. Then it seemed we were "together." I in my lala land was thinking that he was all in and like I said, my feelings grew and my attachment strengthened. Right now, I'm struggling with letting go since realizing that he's just enjoying the right here and now. I want to drink him up and soak him in as much as possible even knowing we are ultimately going to separate. But I'm starting to think that I'm hanging on, hoping that he'll change his mind. I think this is going to end up really bad for me, but I can't get past that outside of the one thing that he's exactly what I need and want in a man. Ugh, and then there's the exH issue. He's been reaching out more, being extra sweet and attentive. His embraces seem more meaningful. And then he came out and said, "I want you back." TBH if it weren't for the BF, I would give it a try. He seems to have overcome the issues he had within our marriage. These are the only things I would try to get him to change his perspective on while married. Before he was anti-social, now he looks forward to meeting new people. Before he was judgmental, now he's compassionate. Before he was negative and cynical, and now he's positive and hopeful. Oh, and we have children and the eldest (DS12) has commented on how well we get along. MESSY!! Half of me wants to cut ties with both of them as much as possible. And while therapy is helping, it's not helping fast enough. Ha! Notice I didn't ask any questions. I just feel that lost to where I don't even know what to ask. | |||
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| Hi. Im adam, im 32 my now ex partner is 37 we have 3 kids 1,5,8 yrs. Our relationship ended suddenly last saturday when going to bed as usual, she turned to me and said shes not happy. To cut a long story short, i cried and protested all night to know avail. She was fed up with how our relationship had gone and in felt she had fallen out of love with me. We had just come back from a weeks holiday which was ok, not great because i suffer from ocd, anxiety etc and i was moaning about being bored. Anyway, basically i havent been able to get her to really talk but she did raise quite issues and said it was the result of lots of little things, not having enough money, how i was socially, i.e anxious and wanted to go etc, i didnt comfort her when her nan died who was like a mother to her, i just generally didnt listen when she complained about something. Now in my defence although she did drop hints to her unhappiness i just presumed she was alright because she just got on with it, ive told her if id have realised what i was doing i would have listened etc. I think she was just bored with being a housewife, cooking cleaning, looking after kids, we never went out because neither of us asked, she felt i didnt want to but i felt the same. We didnt do much at the weekend because she felt i was anxious whilst out and didnt enjoy it, also our 5 yr old has autism and is absoloutely terrible when out, tantrums etc and it does spoil it hence we just stayed it. Ive told her i realise now that we got stuck in a rut and apologised for missing all the signs, ive told her i love her immensly and im ashamed i missed the signs and ignored her hints. Im prety sure its mostly my fault, shes absoloutely certain she wants to be on her own and has admitted shes felt relived and even happier since the breakup. After ive wrote all this im not even sure what advice i need, it seems obvious ive ruined our relationship and its over and done. I dont think theres anyone else, although im not sure, she had started using facebook a lot lately and with losing her nan in the last year im suspicious shes been talking to someone online, i do know she has lots of female fb friends she talks to so that could be nowt. Is it just a case of letting go? ive been thru a rollercoaster this week, ive felt so lost and sick im now starting to think it going to be something i have to live with, that ive fucked up and iv lost her probably to a more considerate man at some point, gutted. | |||
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| Its been almost a yr and now all of a sudden her friends drive by where i'm at This didnt happen up until two months ago Ex hasnt contacted me, she says shes engaged to another Guy shes been with for 5 mos and now she is getting married Next yr. I dont know what kinds of signs i should look for As noone isnt talking to me about her Please can someone help me figure this out | |||
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| Have made some changes per peoples suggestions. is this look now good enough to be approaching women between ages 20-29 without a high rejection rate. As my game is decent so just want to be good looking enough. | |||
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| Well, the story begins with a close lass friend of mine, who's only a little younger than I am. I used to thought she is really irritating and always stuck by my side whatever I'm doing, my response was either really cold and harsh or suddenly friendly. So I just came back from a long holiday few weeks ago and the second day off the plane and she came to my house and we simply talked until we started to roll around on the bed and were somehow in a position where we were almost cuddling each other. Now the part that really caused the "situation" begins here, it was 2 days after her first time visiting since returning from the holiday, I called her to come over and it was pretty much similar to her last visit, we were rolling and messing around on the bed like best friends but eventually we were a little off track and next thing I remember, I was holding both her arms above her head in a laid down position and our face are really close to each other . I can tell she tried to look away as it's a embarrassing for her as would to any other girl, we had been in the same position for a while until when she looked me in the eyes and she finally closed up and we kissed. So on, we've been kissing throughout the day until she left at night. We talked and she considered this event as similar to a one night stand except we didn't have sex. But I have actually to began to have feeling for this girl and I decided to take further action, so it was a few days later when I was walking her home after collecting my GCSE result, just a few clicks away from her house, I stopped and kinda confessed to her but her response was "bestfriend" which I suppose also means I've been friendzoned? Despite the rejection I walked her back and I gave her a kiss on the forehead just as I left. She actually have a boyfriend at that time and a few ex's back then, as far as I'm aware holding hands was the most she has done with all her BFs, because she sta ted she gave her "first" to me. There has been rumors that she used to like me in a way of a crush would, and I really don't understand the situation I am in right at this moment. If you guys read this little story and have some thoughts, I'll be delighted to hear it, it could mean a lot. Thanks a million!!! | |||
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