Don't know how I feel nor what to do

Hello wise ones of TAM, I started lurking here early last summer as my marriage was in dire straits. Divorced later in the year. I currently am in IC with a therapist whose focus is loving and accepting myself. I am far from it. My issues are all over the place. The main ones involve: 1. someone I've been seeing since February, who is basically my BF, and 2. my exH. Some pertinent personality qualities would be unhealthy attachment, addiction to (male) attention, and uncertainty about my capacity for true love and having a LTR. The bf- he loves me. I love him, more than anyone I've ever loved. But he cannot commit to me based on how we met and my past conduct. I met him on a dating site whilst having some intentional sowing of oats. He views sex and relationships as spiritual connections. Our meeting wasn't special enough to him because he was one of three I slept with from the site. Alas, we foolishly still saw each other because we are so compatible in all the other important ways, oh let me count the ways. (I've started threads on us before, deleted one of them). The tide really turned when we went to a sex club and without his permission, I kissed another guy. I also kissed a girl, but that was instigated by him. Anyway, he really tried to break it off, but we talked endlessly about my issues because I was either ignorant or in deep denial. He finally got through, and though painful, I'm grateful for the revelations. And then the visits started again (initiated by him, in fact all pos t-breakup contact was), the overnights. Then it seemed we were "together." I in my lala land was thinking that he was all in and like I said, my feelings grew and my attachment strengthened. Right now, I'm struggling with letting go since realizing that he's just enjoying the right here and now. I want to drink him up and soak him in as much as possible even knowing we are ultimately going to separate. But I'm starting to think that I'm hanging on, hoping that he'll change his mind. I think this is going to end up really bad for me, but I can't get past that outside of the one thing that he's exactly what I need and want in a man. Ugh, and then there's the exH issue. He's been reaching out more, being extra sweet and attentive. His embraces seem more meaningful. And then he came out and said, "I want you back." TBH if it weren't for the BF, I would give it a try. He seems to have overcome the issues he had within our marriage. These are the only things I would try to get him to change his perspective on while married. Before he was anti-social, now he looks forward to meeting new people. Before he was judgmental, now he's compassionate. Before he was negative and cynical, and now he's positive and hopeful. Oh, and we have children and the eldest (DS12) has commented on how well we get along. MESSY!! Half of me wants to cut ties with both of them as much as possible. And while therapy is helping, it's not helping fast enough. Ha! Notice I didn't ask any questions. I just feel that lost to where I don't even know what to ask.

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